A Friend's Essay

<p>A friend of mine couldn’t get her CC account functioning, and she needs some feedback soon so that she can submit the apps. what do you all think:</p>

<p>It slowly sifts between my fingers, as the small rocks and twigs settle out. It is the basis from which all plants grow and it serves as a home for numerous insects and animals. When wet, it takes on a new word. The dictionary defines dirt as loose or packed soil or sand. That is dirt in its concrete form, but the true meaning is what lies beneath. For me, dirt represents my innocence as a child, the first sense of unity on the lacrosse field, a trip to a third world country and lastly, my future. Dirt has been present at all integral stages throughout my journey towards maturation and has provided the perfect symbol for my hopes and dreams. </p>

<p>I was the child who lived at the playground; the one who never wanted to come inside, even for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Sitting on the ground, simply digging with a shovel for hours never seemed to bore me, despite my mother’s frequent calls. Dirt was always available for my entertainment and I could never get enough. I was a detective at the age of 5; the deeper I dug, the more I found. Rocks, worms, roots and pennies were all entrenched in the unknown world beneath my feet. </p>

<p>At eight years old, however, dirt took on a new meaning of unity. A sense of camaraderie developed on the dirt lacrosse fields in my neighborhood where a youth lacrosse team offered me the opportunity to make friends while enjoying a sport. Truth be told, the dirt probably appealed to me more than the game, but as a timid child the dust in my eyes and dirt on my knees let me know I was part of something. I was part of a team striving toward a common goal. My true self came out on the dirt fields; nothing held me back. </p>

<p>Dirt is a unifying agent. Regardless of the language - terra, suciedad, schmutz, sujeira, or simply dirt - the substance remains the same. I first became aware of this during my nine day trip to Nicaragua. Going to a third world country, I expected to enter an entirely different universe. I thought I would go there helping people in need, building schools, teaching the children basic skills and donating the things American children all have and take for granted. As gratifying as that was, and one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, I did not know how much Nicaragua would actually teach me. I stuck out like a sore thumb with my fair skin and blonde hair. Children flocked to me. They asked to play with my hair, paint my nails and make me toys and jewelry. In reality, I was in awe of them; watching them play with homemade toys that could not compare to the mechanically produced games I grew up with from Toys R Us. With hoe in hand, I broke the ground to lay the foundation for their new school. Nearby children watched as they played in the dirt, the same way I did as a child. Finding that link not only put a smile on my face, but built a deep connection with the Nicaraguans that still exists within me. When I slept outside under the stars in my cot, my hand instinctively hung down to play with the dirt beneath me. Even though I was over 1,500 miles away from New York, I felt I was home. </p>

<p>My hope is that education can open the doors to a world where I can embrace dirt for all my life. My future aspiration is to be involved with Doctors without Borders. My passion to help people along with my interest in medicine can lead me to various countries around the world. Whether it is the dirt that lies on the floors of African medical clinics or the dirt in the fields of Bucknell University, I hope to lead myself to places where things are not as simple as they appear. Though I may have grown out of the sandbox from my childhood, the future offers plenty of dirt for me to play in. </p>

<p>I read the essay and thought it was a good concept, but slightly cliche in the whole “nicarague was surprisingly similar to america!” way, and perhaps a little too in your face with the doctors without borders references. maybe more insinuating, less telling!</p>

<p>Tell your friend she’s a very talented writer. That was certainly among the best essays I’ve seen posted here - not cliche at all. She “gets it” and it shows.</p>

<p>Very good! I would say she is Dartmouth material! (er… Bucknell material).</p>

<p>I did trip slightly over her early reference to dirt in it’s “concrete” form. The voice in my head said, “That is cement, isn’t it?” but I don’t think she was going for the dual meaning of the word “concrete.”</p>

<p>I was also relieved that she did not discuss eating dirt. For a moment I was afraid she might go in that direction.</p>

<p>I wish the topic was something OTHER than dirt…can’t it be CLOUDS or RAIN or MOUNTAINS…but DIRT??</p>

<p>Actually, I could not help smile at the embrace of dirt by someone who plans a career with Doctors Without Borders. These doctors have to work in very primitive conditions much of the time, but medicine tries to be so very antiseptic and abhors dirt.
I thought the transition from childhood play to Nicaragua very abrupt as was the announcement that the author plans a career in medicine. The first couple of paragraphs could have been shortened and the last two expanded.</p>

<p>now that i look over the essay, i think the entire last paragraph can be dropped, as i find the “career ambition” reference awkward and most of the wording/style inconsistent. do you think it can stand alone without the conclusion?</p>

<p>While the play on the word dirt is unique for an essay, it loses its effectiveness when mentioning the foreign languages. I really doubt that the kids in Nicaragua were playing in the “suciedad”. Even if the kids did play in a very dirty environment, the image of “suciedad” serving as foundation for anything is a very blurry one. It may work in English where dirt is used in the context of soil or ground, but it does not work for most of the languages cited as examples. </p>

<p>Dictionaries and online translators can be dangerous.</p>