The more I read scenarios and reactions the more I think it’s a work of fiction for a blog.
Of course not @bjkmom. I think there are more moms with kids on planes than dads with kids on planes - moms are with their kids more in general. But I’m inclined to think mom gets the blame even if dad is present.
I counted on my DH on flights with our little ones. I remember the first flight I did with them and not him and it was really, really hard. We had two kids so we’d divide and conquer, or split the time one parent spent in the middle seat on their side 
At what point or extreme would it be okay to address the situation or request another seat instead of just sucking it up? What if the child is next to you and trying to take your food? Hitting you? Pulling your hair from the seat behind? Should you just wedge yourself on the floor in front of your seat (good luck fitting in there) for the whole flight? Hang out in the bathroom? Walk up and down the aisle to avoid your seat?
To me, having the seat kicked from behind is only a small degree different from having someone kicking my back from the seat behind. Depending on the length of the flight, I could well be a special needs person myself by the time it lands.
On the general situation, I think we all do best when a kid is not behaving properly if the parent tries to control the kid, apologizes to the kicked person or those who have to listen to shouting or crying around them, does SOMETHING.
I’ve been the parent with a kid who won’t stop crying no matter what I do - their ears hurt and the bottle/pacifier/BF isn’t helping enough, or they can’t stand being strapped into their car seat or whatever. We break out the toys, the gum, the book, talk to them, do whatever we can…but sometimes there’s no quieting the kid for awhile, so we apologize, smile, thank everyone for their patience, etc.
This parent handled it really badly, IMO.
We got on a flight one time when my kids were about 7 or 8, and the guy who would be sitting in front of them said to them, before he ever sat down, that he didn’t want them kicking the seat or playing with the tray table and he expected them to behave. He of course then reclined into my daughter’s space. Whatever. His own children, who were about 2-3 years older than my kids, were sitting about 3 rows in front of us, but across the aisle.
About half way through the flight, a Gameboy came flying down the aisle right at me. From his little angels fighting over it. I caught it mid-air. The guy just looked at me. I considered keeping it.
I then resorted to my normal airplane behavior when people recline into me - I started coughing like I was about to expel a lung. This caused Mr. Perfect to move back into his own space. Karma.
When my husband traveled with us, sometimes I’d sit in a different part of the plane and just ignore them all . And think of that scene in Nora Ephron’s, Heartburn, where she struggles to change the baby in the airplane restroom while her husband reads the paper. It’s really difficult. I don’t miss those times too much.
I’m not talking about this particular mom because we all believe her child isn’t a special needs kid or else she would have said so.
@preppedparent I was so defensive because my grandchild is special needs. There have been a few times when he has had to travel across country for doctors visits or other hard to avoid reasons. My step-daughter is extremely considerate and conscientious and there are always 2 adults flying with him because she needs the help. There is no kicking of the seat in front of him. There is, however, sometimes loud noises that she can’t control. You’d be amazed at the dirty looks and whispered comments she has received. I understand that it is uncomfortable to be disturbed by that, but she is doing the best she can. I say that a little compassion goes a long way, and that when you see situations like this, instead of complaining about 4 hours in a plane with someone like this, think of how grateful you should be that at the end of the flight you get to go home to your own healthy children, she doesn’t.
I blame the airlines. They shouldn’t have seats that recline to the degree that someone is in your lap. This has happened to me too and its unacceptable.
My two never kicked seats, but they threw a couple of screaming fits that I simply could not do anything about. Both had just turned two years old and just did not want to be buckled into their seats during take off and landing (they wanted me to hold them). Both flights were short 1 hour hops and they had just stopped their take off tantrum, when the seat belt light came on again for landing prep.
When that happened with my oldest, after we landed, a very nice man sitting across the aisle asked me very sweetly if there was any way he could help me (I was travelling alone). I appreciated his kindness so much.
My youngest had an ear piercing screech, and when she threw her tantrum, I was so scared that people were judging me that I took her out of her seat before I was supposed to and a flight attendant made me put her back. Even louder screaming ensued. The passengers around me were very kind again - I heard them complaining about how the FA should have just let me hold her. We’d already had a convo with the FA because she tried to put another passenger in our daughter’s seat - which was empty because I was holding her before we took off. So if I’d said, “fine - he can sit in her seat”, she was going to allow me to hold her. But instead I said “no, we paid for this seat”, so the FA changed her tune and insisted that she sit in her own seat. And the screaming began.
I think people were understanding because our girls were internationally adopted. And they could see that they were “special needs” children in that they obviously were needy and just wanted me to hold them (I practically had to hold both of them during their entire waking hours for their first couple of years with us because they were so needy and clingy). And I don’t think any form of discipline would have been well received by nearby passengers, because people don’t like to see a “sweet little adopted child” being scolded or disciplined - that’s just a reality that definitely helped in these two situations. And it wouldn’t have worked if I’d tried anyway - probably would have just made things worse.
And lest anyone be thinking that I shouldn’t have been travelling with such needy children - they would never have gotten to visit our extended families because we were always the ones who had to take the time and spend the money to visit our relatives - they very rarely came to visit us. The first time my parents saw our youngest was when she was 18 months old - 10 months after she came home. We were just an 8 hour drive away, but that was too far for them.
I don’t think kids’ travels should be limited to emergency situations anyway, special needs or not - I think people should be more understanding that families are strewn out all over the place these days, and no one wants to spend two-five days in a car when they can get to most destinations in less than a day by plane.
And honestly, people are so intolerant of children, that even just a crying infant makes people angry. I think that’s a very sad thing.
I do have to admit that ONE time I got annoyed by a mother and her young son who were playing SlapJack on the tray table on the back of my seat. I let them play a couple of games and then turned around an politely told the mother that it was a shaking the whole row and could they please stop. Of course she got all defensive saying that she was just trying to entertain her child, but I think she could have come up with a better age appropriate card game than “SlapJack on the Tray Table.”
I have sympathy for parents when kids freak out and you can’t get them to calm down, but you can absolutely teach them not to kick others on a plane. You go over the rules before hand on what you can do, you bring along things to engage and distract, you try and time flights so they aren’t exhausted, and if they really are incapable of behaving, you figure out something different.
I like the coughing idea–I’ll use it next time.
This story highlights the joys of public travel. No wonder the rich like private planes.
I understand crying–I’m just happy I’m not that poor mom! But kicking seats is a no-no.
I hate reclining seats–unless I’m watching a movie–it just brings the screen closer.
So there isn’t some point where you would find it acceptable to complain?
I have three kids. I love kids. I would be that woman to borrow someone’s crying child to walk it around. I have a very, very high tolerance for kidness and I like that about myself.
However,
Not everyone has healthy children. Not every disability is obvious. Some adults have special needs, some adults have health issues.
Kicking the seat can be painful and bruising. It’s one thing for a child to scream. It happens. It’s annoying. But the kicking of the seat can cause physical harm to another human. That is unacceptable and can not be tolerated. Even a special needs child doesn’t have the right to impact another person’s body. The mother needed to stop that behavior immediately and teach her child to respect bodily integrity. Sending a message to any child that he or she doesn’t have to respect others’ bodies and boundaries is a very bad path to embark upon.
Also I think parents need to develop a little bit of a thick skin when it comes to the facial expressions of others. Travel is miserable on a good day. Being stuck in a metal tube with a screaming person, of whatever age, makes it more miserable. Even if the person can’t help it and others are trying to calm that person.
Maybe I’ve had a bad day, too. Maybe I’m sick and sad and scared about something that is none of your business. If I roll my eyes or look to see what the noise is all about (how am I supposed to know what a heroic job you are doing trying to calm your child if I can’t look your way) or frown or scowl, let it go. It doesn’t mean I’m accusing you of being neglectful or abusive, or accusing your child of being terrible or defective. It means my bad day got worse. Maybe I’ll even grumble, because people do that when their bad day gets worse. Let it go and take care of your own family.
Oh my! I just read a couple of pages of the “reactions” found on the original link. https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/m/04a9b4a0-f44f-3e0c-bd48-69978bdf4578/a-letter-to-the-person.html
@MomofJandL Yes, yes, yes. Bugs me that writer of blog wanted patience for her child but showed none for the passenger. Works both ways.
Didn’t see any reactions. What were some?
I’m going to sign off on this thread, it’s just too upsetting to me. I really would have thought (hoped?) that if you can see that a child is truly special needs, people would have more patience/sympathy if the parent were truly being consciencious and trying her best. I don’t know what other people expect her to do. Sometimes specialists are on the other side of the country, sometimes there is a funeral or a wedding. Believe me, all unnecessary travel is avoided. Thank goodness there are laws in place that protect her. I say in all sincerity that I hope that those of you who are so unsympathetic won’t ever have this kind of a tragedy in your lives.