Of course, if his mother is ambivalent, the easiest thing for her is if a “no” comes from someone other than her and by painting it as sub-optimal for your kid, she may be hoping to engage you in limit setting. Agree that you can’t get in the middle of it. High schoolers and long drives were subject to parental approval in our house. College socialization was not even on the table.
yeah different times, my girlfriend was 2 yrs behind me so when I drove 3hrs to visit her I was already a Jr and kept it up 2 yrs after I graduated. still pissed she didn’t move to NYC like we planned, instead I quit my NY gig for her and we moved to Boston
If she had move to NYC would you have meet your wife?
I like to say I am convinced yes we would have met anyway and still had our 2 amazing kids. Good question tho so thanks for asking.
Not intend to be judgmental and maybe I am old fashioned here.
When I read “Sr year in HS” in the first post, and “1st 2nite visit while the roommate is away” in post #17, I could not but think they are too young for this level of involvement. It is understandable that “His Mom is not happy about it.”
I once heard that the parents of DS’s GF would even not be pleased when he was in her dorm room at school while she had a video-chat with her parents – because her parents think a boy shall not be in the girl’s room! (better to be in the public or semi-public place only.) LOL.
Also, when the girlfriend of DS’s classmate friend visited and stayed overnight, they did not sleep in the same room. DS’s friend crashed on the floor (no sofa there) in DS’s dorm room and that girlfriend slept in the classmate’s dorm room. They were mid 20s, I think. (They finally resolved the “problem” by getting married this summer.) They are quite religious. This could be the reason.
BTW, has anyone mentioned this already: Are most “kids” in that age knowledgeable enough to prevent the pregnancy from happening? Where do they get the support (even the support from parents)? I assume that they do not want to be parents themselves yet in that age.
Both control has been mentioned. Most college students are quite capable of obtaining BC. At many schools it can be obtained on campus. If not, there are likely pharmacies and/or clinics nearby.
IMO parents should make sure their “kids” know the basics of these things well before they go to college.
I admit that I had not taught our child birth control before he went to college. We just did not talk about “that kind of stuff.” But I remember this is a part of orientation program at his college.
However, I believe my wife once mentioned to DS that, when there is a dispute about what actually happens in this area on campus, the male one may have a hard time in defending himself in the dispute, even if he thought (mistakenly or not) it was consensual. (Granted, the behaviors of many male students could be questionable if not out-right ill-behaved.)
I read a book “The Naked Roommate” and had my D read it too. D1 had a boyfriend who was staying in town to attend college while she went 3 hours away. The author talked about long distance relationships. He essentially said if the relationship is having issues anyway, before you go off to college is a good time to end it, however, if the relationship is still good then there is no reason to end it immediately. He went on to give this advice, if either party has the urge to start dating others, DON’T CHEAT! It is time to break off the relationship. If at sometime in the future they were to consider getting back together there will be no trust issues to resolve. D and her boyfriend lasted until Christmas of sophomore year. They were both ready to move on.
I had a BF when I was in college and then I went to law school and he went to teach at a campus several states away. While were apart, he fell in love with someone else and I did as well. I went out to visit him once during spring break, where we admitted being apart was VERY difficult and we broke up shortly afterwards. We didn’t have skype or cell phones and both of us were meeting lots of new people in our respective new environments.
There ae no hard or fast rules about how long relationships will endure through a physical separation. I’d not be thrilled if my kiddo was having someone drive 4 hours each way to see him/her and have the two of them share a room when they were still 17-19; that’s a lot of pressure to try to have things be “perfect” and a tendency to see the relationship as more ideal since it’s exciting and fun and none of the mundane day-to-day stuff that is real life.
All we can do in these situations is just be supportive and let the kids vent and perhpas have them think of things they may not have considered. Hang in there!
Most likely they will not last. Time will tell.
My daughter and her then HS Senior bf didn’t last a year after HS graduation. She’s attending a college thousands miles apart from him while he joined the Marine Corps. They grew apart plus they realized that academically they are at different levels.
In my case, I know what will happen will. My daughter is at college only 45 minutes from bf who is still at home. I don’t want to interfere but can’t help wanting the best college experience for my daughter. Bf can visit her for a few hours at night or on Friday when she doesn’t have class etc…He cheated on her early in their relationship and with counseling she has become so forgiving and compromising. As I said I don’t want to interfere and I won’t but getting the most out of college is important too. He has graduated and is just now thinking of going to college next spring. In the meantime he is working and living at home not knowing what he wants.
My D was in a relationship with her bf for more than a year when she left for college last month. He is still in high school. They were pretty upset when she left and were counting the days till they saw each other. But about two weeks later they broke up. Of course I don’t know all the details, but it sounds like he was really jealous of her new adventure and imagining she was meeting all sorts of new guys. So all they did was argue via FaceTime. Just saw her this weekend and she seems pretty OK with it, so maybe it was just time for both of them to move on.
they had a nice visit, she posted pictures on facebook, it’s all good
I dated some really awful boys and I am sure my mom was thinking…why on earth would you date him? it all worked out but I certainly understand how hard it is to stay quiet. I have tried to let my oldest sate whoever he would like but when she texts him 50 times a day and wants to track him like a felon it makes it hard to say nothing…but I did. 
I especially liked it when she came over, did not even say hello to me then stripped down to a string bikini in our back yard. Oh brother.
I have very little self control myself, I mean I used to. In your 20s, resistance to string bikinis is futile, but he should be living on his own, no?
My daughter and her boyfriend broke up shortly before she left for college. She was going 3.5 hours away and he’d still be a senior in high school. If she would have been closer I think they would have given it a shot. He pretty much told her that there was no way in the world that she wouldn’t break up with him once she got there. He said she should just go and not worry about what he was doing. They were both sad, but I think it was pretty mature on his part. Now that she’s a month into school she knows he was right. It would have been very difficult to make it work. She’s meeting so many people and has been “hanging out” quite a bit with a guy she’s excited about.
Your daughter and her boyfriend will figure it out on there own. We felt bad that our daughter was sad about her break up, but we know there are likely to be a few more boyfriends in the next few years.
well it finally happened, they lasted until 2 weeks before Valentines Day
How is everyone doing, including yourself?
better now but it’s been a busy 2 weeks. keeping tabs on her. I went up to see her and she came down to pow-wow with girlfriends and have lunch with him. we’ve been supportive and present for talking.
He didn’t plan on going to the same college as her because she goes there did he?