I’m more concerned for him, really cuz he’s the one staying home for his Sr yr in HS. She’ll be going to new adventures and friends, etc. Wish there was something I could do to help them both but feeling quite clueless, hesitant to give advice other than to talk to ea. other. Anyone have a daughter with a new love last summer? How did it go for them their first year apart? These kids will be 3-4 hrs apart and the boyfriend has sports every weekend. I remember being that age and literally nothing meant more to me than my girlfriend. I managed but the first year was tough and I visited often, even more in future years. We had an “open” relationship meaning we were both free to date but stayed “together”. That wound up being weird cuz when we started living together after she graduated the whole monogamy thing was a little wishy washy for both of us and we eventually met our future spouses and then broke up after living together for 2 years. sigh they have so much ahead of them.
YOU don’t need to do a thing. Times have changed in terms of communication…between Skype, FaceTime, email, text messages…they will either manage a long distance relationship…or they won’t.
Probably the best thing you can do is stay out of it and let them work it out. My DD says the biggest mistake she made was to maintain a relationship with a BF from a few hours away when she left for college. She spent many of her weekends with him rather than forming new relationships with people at school. When they broke up she had an even more difficult time because she really had not made any close friends at school because she had spent her free time with the BF. If your DD’s BF has sports every weekend they may not get to see each other much. The relationship will run it’s course however it’s meant to be, but I would encourage your daughter to branch out and use the dorm experience to meet new people.
It is up to your daughter and her boyfriend to work this one out. They are both very young. The odds are that they will grow apart, especially since your D is starting a whole new world, new friends and new experiences that the boyfriend is not a part of.
Technology has changed the way people communicate, but we are still the same, emotionally.
Not all relationship experiences are the same. They can range from staying together, an emotional breakup, or an amicable transition to being friends. This is up to them.
However, your influence on your D as a father is tremendous. No matter how this relationship goes, your being there, not judging him or her, and being a sounding board for her is important. There is not a set or predictable course for this relationship, and how it goes is a part of life for her and for him.
Most end in the “Turkey Drop”. Nice of you to be concerned as a parent but I agree with others to let it run its natural course. Most don’t make it past Thanksgiving, which truly is fine. They are so young. This is all good practice for hopefully finding that life partner at some point.
I had hoped ds2 and his senior-year gf would break up when they went to college 1,000 miles apart. They didn’t. But they handled it well and, really, I think it was a net positive. They made plenty of friends and joined a lot of things but didn’t have that whole dating thing with which to contend. They broke up October of sophomore year, not because of anyone, just because they didn’t want to live their relationship 1,000 miles apart. They saw each other last week for the first time since the holiday break. I think they both think that, after college is over, they can find a way back together.
Bottom line: Stay out of it. It is what it is.
Stay out of it, pure and simple. It is okay to be there to hand her the tissues if the time comes when they break up, if they do, or a shoulder to cry on, but it is up to them to work it out, or not. It may last, it may not (I would guess more likely not, for a lot of reasons), but it is up to them…and it is a learning experience, it is how they figure out what they want and what they don’t.
My son was the one left behind for senior year while his GF left for college. They broke up before Christmas. Her world simply got bigger in college. S’s high school friends were there for him and he had a memorable senior year. In my D’s case, she left for an OOS school and her BF, same age, stayed behind to attend a cc. She, too, broke up with him before the holidays and she never looked back. They were all good kids, just the timing was wrong for serious relationships.
Yes, stay out of it.
Whether your daughter’s situation or a married couple, distance can really hurt if there is no plan to say in touch. The only thing I would recommend to your daughter is to be on the same page - don’t “promise to be faithful” if she won’t see him for three months. Promise that if either of them do start dating someone else, or meet someone, they will tell the other. That is all that can be expected.
(my SO’s HS relationship ended Valentine’s Day of freshman year, after he was on a train for seven hours to go see her - she was already dating someone else I believe, and never told him despite talking at least every week)
S1 had a breakup-by-mom relationship, and I still can’t run into Mom without wanting to shake her. The daughter I am perfectly fine with. S2 had a longterm relationship that bridged hs and first 18 months of college. Mom invited him to vacation with them ; we discovered later gf was already with someone else but The Mom (who was trying to help) had no idea. Sometimes we don’t know what we think we know.
We have no place in their relationships, good intentions or not.
Many people mention “the turkey drop”’ i.e. the practice of breaking up around thanksgiving. But my daughter and her boyfriend have survived living in different countries for a year. It jus really depends on the couple.
I will echo what everyone else said - stay out of it.
I will also say that you are a much better person than I am. After the horrible experience we had with our son and his long distance girlfriend, I am hoping and praying that my daughter and her summer fling break up before she leaves for school. The clock is ticking and I am losing hope. Call me cynical, jaded or whatever, but I think they are going to break up now or break up later. Let’s do this… But, I am also taking my own advice and staying out of it.
I met a dad last week at college orientation…he and his D had driven 800 miles to college…and she had left a senior-year boyfriend behind (he’s still in high school). The dad said he’s going to outwardly support them but inwardly hope for a break-up.
Oh I’m out of it, just told her to keep open communication with him so they are both on the same page. @ rhandco ~ dropped on the train to go see her? OUCH!
D and her boyfriend of almost a year have never actually lived in the same time zone. They met at a summer program a litter over a year ago, and, their relationship developed through texts and phone calls and Facetime. He’s been to visit four times, including three weeks at a nearby summer program in July. She just got back from a week at his house. So they have spent a lot of time together this summer.
Ironically, he’s moving north to attend college just a half-hour from where we live, while she’s off to a school about 600 miles away in the east. They’ve agreed to stay “together apart” as they go off to college even though they will still be living in different time zones for the foreseeable future.
Who knows what the next year(s) will bring, but their relationship has shown me that long-distance-relationships are different than they were in my day when we relied on handwritten letters and an occasional phone call. And as much as I support D’s relationship with her boyfriend, I agree it’s best for parents to let the kids figure it out on their own.
Please, just stay out of it. They are so young and have so much ahead of them. Let them figure it out.
Statistically most HS couples do not last. But if they do, they probably have a better chance of staying together.
Parents seem to be so hung up on their kids having boyfriends or girlfriends at a young age. I’ve actually never understood that. I think a person needs to get to know themselves and be independent. I never encouraged HS relationships.
well, my kids mental health is important to me. so is the mental health of the boyfriend. we hear so much these days about boys who can’t handle separation, rejection & jealousy
I continue to stay out f it, now boyfriend is making his 1st 2nite visit while the roommate is away. I hope he has a safe drive. His Mom is not happy about it.
Maybe the mom has been been hoping for the turkey drop.
his Mom is afraid he will interfere with her settling in, at least that’s the msg that works it’s way to me. that family loves our daughter and he is a great kid too. I just hope he has a safe drive it’s 4 hrs ea way and he’s borrowing his grandfathers car