<p>I was at the bookstore at my school, standing with a friend of mine. The line to sell back books was pretty long, and more and more people kept on coming and adding on to the back. Behind us was a mother, bringing back some books of her daughter’s. Before long, she had sidled up to us and began to assualt us with all manner of questionsand! She informed us that her daughter has been doing gymnastics for quite a while, but wants to quit very badly. The mother was of the opinion that she should not, lest it interfere with her college decision. So she didn’t allow her daughter to quit. Then she asked us which clubs should her daughter join to put her on the fast track to harvard, and which teams she should join. All my friend I could manage to do was utter short responses, we were in such shock. She told us about how she got her daughter in basketball early becuase she figured she could be recruited someday. Finally I asked her what grade her daughter was in. Her response: the 6th grade.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.
tell me this is not normal.</p>
<p>when i visited harvard a couple of years ago i did the whole admissions presention and tour thing…at the presentation they had a question and answer part at the end. One parent asked what kind of courses his kid should be taking in order to be better prepared for harvard…the adcom asked what grade the son was in…the dad in response said - KINDERGARTEN!!!</p>
<p>btw, this is a completely true story…everyone in the room chuckled.</p>
<p>these are the grass is always greener people- somebody elses wife is always younger and blonder, someone else got their promotion, their house is never :big enough/glossy enough.
It is sad really, they are so neurotic they are never happy for more than a minute, but what is sadder is when they inflict their children with this disease.</p>
<p>I keep myself focused by spending time with those who aren’t as fortunate and by reading books like * an unexpected light* about the war in afghanistan to help me keep perspective of what is important
<a href=“http://www.parentmap.com/june_05/0605_2.htm[/url]”>http://www.parentmap.com/june_05/0605_2.htm</a>
<a href=“http://www.parentmap.com/june_05/0605_1.htm[/url]”>http://www.parentmap.com/june_05/0605_1.htm</a></p>
<p>bern, your story is even more outrageous than mine! anyone care to share others, or just their plain old disgust with some parents’ college obsession?
emerald: sorry, excuse me? I dont follow…</p>
<p>This woman (whom I don’t know) called my mom and asked her what the secret was to raising 3 “successful” children, and what to do with her unmotivated, destined for failure daughter. My mom as taken aback and didn’t know how to answer. I thought that was bad, but her D is a sophomore, so not as bad as your stories.</p>
<p>harsh! her destined for failure daughter - ouch. what a cruel mom!..</p>
<p>oh yeah btw the adcom just smiled and said, “it’s not the first time we get parents of kindergartener wanting info about Harvard - it’s not as uncommon as many people think.” Also a buddy of mine is currently at harvard and he says that he has been stopped twice by parents of prospective students to ask what his secret to getting into harvard was…he usually responds sarcastically, “i slept with the admissions officer.” then he walks away. He was also stopped once by a group of japanese tourists that asked if they could get their picture taken with a real harvard student.</p>
<p>Did he get a tip from the Japanese tourists?</p>
<p>hahaha i don’t think so…:)</p>
<p>people who have lost sight of who their children are- and this is highlighted by focusing on what they want their children to be doing 10 or 20 years down the road- seem to be driven by teh feeling that they have to be the best or they are “nothing”.
They don’t have any sense of who they are inside, so they try and furnish themselves with high priced accoutrements that will show others, their worth, even if they don’t beleive it themselves.
This is why they are driven to compete, and why they continually question if what they have chosen is good enough.
It doesn’t matter that it does the job, that their 7 year old is perfectly happy at their school, if there is one that may be percieved as more prestigious.
They probably don’t know anything abouy Ivy league schools, other than what they see on tv, but they know that in the media of common americans and those who follow common americans that Harvard is percieved as the “pinnacle” of North american collegiate striving.
They feel that to guarantee an Ivy league education to their child, will guarentee their success in life, every parent wants their child to be successful, but of course success takes many forms. But by focusing on the brand name, instead of the child, just is an extreme example of others who feel a brand name guarentees quality and status.
The articles I linked to don’t necessarily dont have direct relation to the phenomena of parents who sign their progeny up in utero for the most prestigious preschool which will then guarantee admittance to the primary school and so on, but I thought they might be of interest to people who were bemused and overwhelmed by how many choices we have that are really irrelavant to how we live our lives</p>
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<p>Gymnastics and basketball? for the same daughter? Seems like a contradiction in body types. Think Kerri Strug and Lisa Leslie.</p>
<p>do not even get me started with stories like these. Ok ALL YOU KOREANS KNOW MUCH AZN PARENTS ASK ABOUT COLLEGE! Me and my 2 friends…(one of my friend got into Stanford, I got into UCLA, and the other got into MIT)…so anyways…we are in Borders studying for AP Govt becuz we needed the credit to skip it in college. Then, 2 korean parents comes up to us and asks us what grade we are in. We said we are 12th grade and they immediatley, when we say 12th grade asks us where we got in. We told them…and BAM…the parents both bust out a HUGE HUGE notebook and starts to ask questions from the booklet (i guess it was questions they wanted to ask abotu the admission) and got out their childs transcripts. Me, the rebellious of my friends (the other 2 friends are extremely quiet), asked why they are asking us 50+ questions and showing us their child’s FRESHMAN transcript. I was like…O_o…i told them UCLA doesnt count freshman grade and as well as Stanford…then the parents glares at me and starts talking to the my friend who got into MIT and tell him what research he did, all his extra curriculars, his GPA, SAT’s, and asks him if he can give them his essay. Then I intrevened explaining that their interruption in our studies was not polite. After that, I told them we have to study and told if they wanted some help with the college process, they should talk to their counselor. Then, they reluctantly left sayign sum “interesting” things about me in Korean. (they called me sum mean stuff in korean)</p>
<p>seirously…i thought it was rude to interrupt our study session and asking us ton of college questions and asking us in the end to give us all our information so thier childl can follow our footsteps. RIDICULOUS.</p>
<p>From what i’ve seen rexrun asian parents seem to put a ton of pressure on their kids (not all but i’ve seen many). It seems as if they think that their kid is a failure if he or she doesnt get into Harvard or MIT. As I mentioned on another thread about funny/weird SAT stories I mentione that after my SAT I saw an asian girl’s parents waiting for her with the video camera but as I walked by I heard the mom say in a very thick asian accent, “how you do? You get 1600? Remember if you don’t get 1600 we take car away.” How ridiculous.</p>
<p>bern700 …i completely agree with you. I am korean and my mother and father only wanted me to be happy…but they also wanted me to provide for the familay by getting jobs. Anyways…my mom and dad encounter countless number of people everyday asking how i got into UCLA and my friends tell me that their parents get calls from freshman parents or even middle school parents to guide them through the college admissions. but the most ridiculous thing is asking for our essays, sat scores, extra curriculars, and GPA. I have a classmate who is the president of NHS and a parent went up to him and demanded her daughter become the next president…haha ridiculous
bern700 …really?! 1600 or car taken away…dats harsh.</p>
<p>wow they really asked for your essays??? That’s crazy…I guess they mean well but pushing your kids so hard is pretty excessive. I was always shocked to see the pressure that many asian parents place on their kids. I knew a kid once in elementary school whose parents would ground him if he got any grade lower than a 97%. I always felt sorry for him. Or hearing of kids here on CC whose parents will only consider them successful if they get into Harvard - if they don’t their parents regard them as failures. </p>
<p>I’m not too familiar with asian cultures…I grew up mainly in Mexico and Switzerland so I was really never exposed to asian cultures.I hope you don’t mind me asking but is there some kind of asian cultural belief that if you’re not perfect you’re no good? Why is there such a struggle for perfection? On a side note, why is it then that there are not many asian leaders here in the states? I had heard that it is part of the asian culture to be more of a follower than a leader. How true do you believe this statement is? </p>
<p>anyway, I guess I can’t critize their intentions…but sometimes I just feel sorry for kids whose parents pressure them so much.</p>
<p>I don’t want to get into statements about asian culture, but someone who tries to pave the way to success by asking successful people their secrets and imitating that path IS “more of a follower than a leader.” That’s not to say that they won’t get useful advice that way, it’s just that its not how leader-types approach things.</p>
<p>I need to chime in. Not all Asian parents are that fanatic. But I know there are specific Asians from specific country that are brand name concious and I dont want to mention it here on CC because I don’t want to make any generalizations. Heck and it’s not just college education, it’s everything from golf sets to cigar holders, etc… I used to live near this type of Asian and they even critize my other Asian type of neighbor for getting curtains from JC Penney. For me even if I don’t buy my curtains from JC Penney, I don’t care where my neighbor get it from as long as they don’t show their _____(fill in the blank) when I pass by their houses is all that matters to me.</p>
<p>I believe it has a lot to do with Asian educational systems. Placement into each level of school, even career path, is very rigidly determined by standardized testing. Literally, a test score can be the difference between an engineering career and an auto repair career.</p>
<p>If that’s the model you understand, it’s only natural that you would apply that model to education in the US.</p>
<p>The funny thing (or maybe sad) is that, to get accepted at the top schools, Asian kids would be better off demonstrating some interest outside the stereotypical mold.</p>
<p>Bern007:</p>
<p>What you say is true that sometime asian parent are doing too much. Think about it when you come to USA with $20 dollar in pcoket with your wife and kid then college education is the only way to get out of poverty. However there are many asinas who are still doing menial work and can not get out of poverty. All parents want to do tell kids to pursue thier dreams. </p>
<p>However, it is not normal to put enormous pressure on a kid to perform. Moreover book knowledge doe snot go to far in real life. Moreover, failures in life are acually sucess as one is learing to synthesize what went wrong and what kind of corrective action need to be taken. </p>
<p>Now there are asiankids who has choosen Princeton over HY if $$$$$ is right. Presitge is okay but more imortant is what you pay for the college price tags.</p>
<p>I feel real success come when someone can laugh on oneself as it breaks the barrier of communications between people and shows people one is amusing.</p>
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<p>This will be my all time favorite story forever. I wonder what the parents will do if the kid gets to high school and decides that he doesn’t want to go to college right away or even at all…</p>