<p>I’m posting this story because I think it may offer some hope to parents whose kids’ path through life is not the simple and direct one they hope for. It’s long, and there’s no tl;dr that can do it justice, so feel free to move on.</p>
<p>My S transferred to a good, but not great, LAC after freshman year at a university that was a poor fit for him. At the LAC, he was a solid B student (actually a lazy student who could have done a lot better but never cared to exert anything other than minimal effort). As can happen with transfers, he had not quite completed his degree requirements by the end of his eighth semester of schooling, and had one more thing to do–complete an internship related to his major. He found an appropriate opportunity and soon was well on his way to completing this last step.</p>
<p>One morning during his internship period I was awakened by a pretty awful call. S had been arrested after purchasing marijuana on the street and had been booked for possession and resisting arrest (the latter charge stemming from his hot temper and his need to inform the cops that the city’s drug enforcement efforts were stupid–such an idiot). He had been released after being held overnight in a cell with an array of the city’s undesirables and was pretty shaken. I’m still proud to say that the first thing I told him was “You know we aren’t paying for your lawyer, right?” He ended up paying an attorney by using a big chunk of a smallish inheritance that was meant to be a condo down payment someday. But worse than the waste of savings was the fact that his internship supervisor somehow got wind of the arrest and dismissed him immediately. On the legal side, he was given 6 months’ probation, and provided he passed a weekly drug test, his record would be expunged. Under the terms of his probation, he had to stay in the city, so to pay for his room in a crappy shared house and his food, he took a low-paying job as a barista. He took a leave of absence from his college.</p>
<p>By the time the six months’ probation ended, S was disheartened, depressed, and convinced he was a screw-up for life. He made no effort to finish his degree and lived hand-to-mouth for about a year, at which point he answered a Craigslist ad and took a clerical job at a boutique marketing firm. By dint of his intelligence and skills, as well as a boss who knew potential when he saw it, within a year S was doing real marketing work and learning the field. After a few raises, he was able to improve his living situation. But he still didn’t make much money, had no goals, ambitions or plans to complete his degree and, compared to friends who had graduated and gone on to high paying jobs, felt like a loser. So it went for a number of years. I note that any attempt to inquire about his future was met with a brick wall, so we let it go, figuring this was his life and he had to find his own way. Yes, that was very hard.</p>
<p>Last year, knowing that he had no way to advance at his firm and realizing that it would be difficult to find another job in his field without a college degree, he finally turned to us for advice. We felt that he needed professional intervention to sort out his issues, and he agreed and found a cognitive behavioral therapist who really helped him get handle on his life and formulate a plan for the future. Next he had to work with his LAC to figure out how to get reinstated and complete his degree requirements—which had changed in the intervening years and now involved an additional class as well as an internship. This process was more challenging for him than one might expect; he felt pretty small slinking back to the school after all this time and asking for help. But I assured him that the college would want to see him to complete his degree—if for no other reason than to support their stats. And indeed, he was provided with a clear path to graduation. After navigating an approval process, he took the required class online at the local community college (at pretty low cost). But he was convinced he would never find an internship that would relate to his major (one that had nothing to do with marketing), accept him at his advanced age (late twenties!), and work around his need to devote 35 hours a week to his job. I was convinced that many places would welcome an intern with maturity and real world work experience as opposed to the usual run of young pups. I was right. With a little resume and cover letter assistance from me, S found a completely suitable and pleasant internship with minimal searching. He did, of course, have to pay the college for this additional “course”—more money gone from his nest egg. </p>
<p>The end of the story is that S will get his degree in a few weeks. Next on his agenda: exploring career opportunities. He is optimistic about the future, as are we. At the end of the day, I’m proud of him for digging himself out of a pretty deep hole, albeit one of his own making. I think—or at least hope—that this experience of fighting his way back will be a great foundation for his future endeavors. My next task: finding a decent selection of graduation cards in January.</p>