<p>We let our son make his decision to go across the country for college, believing that it would be part of the educational experience. We did ask him to consider what events he might like to be home for, and he said it didn’t really matter to him.</p>
<p>Well, who could foresee a family tragedy? But my 27-year-old nephew died suddenly – the cousin that my son looked up to more than any other. I had to tell my son on the phone. He was devastated, as we all were, but he was in the middle of midterms, and 3,000 miles away from home. He insisted on coming back for the memorial service, which meant back and forth from New York to California in less than 24 hours. At least we have some family in New York and I contacted every one of them to check in on my son and give him someone to talk to who knew my nephew and understood his grief. Home felt very far away to him and school work very much beside the point.</p>
<p>Of course, you can’t plan for such things. But I would say that I am thankful that, given his distance from home, my son is at least around other members of our extended family. Being close to some family was part of his consideration in choosing colleges and I’m glad that, since he chose to go so far, he also chose to go where there were relatives. Something to think about…</p>
<p>I am so sorry for your loss, how horrible for all of you. Thank you for sharing that with everyone as decisions come down. It helps to put things in perspective as well. I’m glad your son had people close by for him.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, Sac. We went through this last month when my Dad died. D flew here and back on a Friday/Monday cycle. Fortunately it wasn’t midterms. D was close enough to my Dad that he was the only one she invited to her high school graduation. The trip was grueling but D wouldn’t have chosen another college even with that.</p>
<p>I’m very sorry to hear this news. It must be really hard for your son to lose a close cousin who was only a few years older than himself. At times such as this, exams should not be such a concern; at any rate, I expect Columbia has provisions for students who need to skip or reschedule exams.</p>
<p>Sac, I’m so sorry about this. It truly is a tragedy. From what you have said about your son, I am sure he will deal with this in the right way. My condolences to your family.</p>
<p>Oh, Sac. So sorry to hear the news. Zapping some slugghuggs through the tunnel and up your way. Faster than a speeding VW bug, y’know! And, some s.huggs heading down South, too, TD. Your dad must have been a great father to have such an outstanding son! Glad you guys could bring the kids home for services.</p>
<p>I too send condolences to Sac and TheDad. Very difficult. My D chose to come home from a faraway college when my mom died. She just needed to be with us and so it was arranged. Both the airlines and the profs were very understanding. It wasn’t easy, but we made it happen.</p>
<p>But I do not think one should select a college based on “what if…?” unless the “what if” is pretty concrete, like a sick parent or sibling whom the college student wants to be near. My parents - who used their extra bedroom as an office/den rather than a proper guest room - always said that it did not make sense to furnish for an occasional use. In truth, they had lots of company, and people always felt welcome in their home, in that very den. But they set up that room thinking first about the use it would get every day, not the guests who might occupy it occasionally during the year.</p>
<p>Same is true for selecting a college. Pick the one that will be best day in and day out. If an unforeseen event happens, you and your S or D will figure it out.</p>
<p>Sac
I’m so sorry for the loss of your young nephew. I’m so glad that you were able to bring your son home for the memorial service. Grieving with family and friends is such an important way to face such a loss.</p>
<p>I think Smith would have made arrangements on a greater scale had they been necessary, e.g., at midterms, but fortunately everything at the time was handled by D talking to her profs and getting extensions on homework. But I agree that “what if’s” should not be part of the consideration unless the probability is high. We left the decision about coming home to D but I’m glad she did.</p>
<p>asc - I am so sorry about the unexpected tragedy in your family, and I am glad your son was able to make it home at this difficult time.<br>
But I must say that I agree with wish it was april as far as choice of college. If your son had been at a closer school which was several hundred miles from home, but not near any airport, it might have been just as difficult for him to get home and back to school quickly as it was to fly coast to coast.</p>
<p>I am sorry to hear about your families losses TD and sac. IT is especially difficult when a life seems like it is just getting started .
I do agree with April however. I think that while ease of getting to and from the school can be a criteria, it needn’t be a major criteria in choosing schools. We did find that with my daughter taking a year off from school, that it has been a blessing to have the school less than 500 miles away however. Her friends can come and visit easily, and she arranges to get to campus about once a month to stay in touch. That would have been much more problematic if her school was say, Wellesley, she would need to stay in touch through electronic means or else find some way to stay in the area during her time off. Kids are amazingly resilent though, and a good thing too. :)</p>
<p>Thanks to all who responded with condolences and with thoughts on colleges far away from home. I do agree you cannot plan a life around what-ifs. My mother is 94, and my son certainly didn’t plan his college choice with that in mind. On the other hand, I also think that while the loss of a cousin who was the closest thing my son had to a big brother is is one of the worst things that could have happened during my son’s first year, there are other events and illnesses that do happen to people and that accessibility to close family – if not to home – is something to consider, which is why I raised it here. He said his friends were great and supportive, but there was also an entire afternoon when he just left campus and hung out with relatives. I’m sure that he will continue to find himself weepy at odd moments, as I do, and that there will be other times he will just want to escape from the fishbowl of a freshman dorm.</p>
<p>As for accomodations, my son did talk to the professors in his two smallest classes, who both readily gave him extensions on papers. (One
was a first draft in a writing class and when he did not get that done and said he would just turn in a final draft, she insisted the first draft was really for his benefit and volunteered to meet with him over spring break.) Although I suggested he talk to his advisor or contact his other professors about midterms, he wouldn’t. I think he felt that, especially in his math class, he could get the midterm waived, but did not want his entire grade to rest on a final. He does still have the option of taking his economics class pass not pass if he bombed on that midterm.</p>
<p>One interesting side effect: He and I had been engaged in an ungoing discussion on the importance of grades (with me trying to get him to cut himself a little slack given his courseload.) It seems that he now has more perspective on how important a B is or isn’t in the grand scheme of things. Life does that, doesn’t it?</p>