A ponderous essay written by a neophyte who is seeking graders/commenters for $0/hr

Hopefully, the title did not deter you…
I would really appreciate a number score and/or some critiques! Thanks in advance.

Do you think ease does not challenge us and adversity helps us discover who we are?

We need adversity to discover who we are, something ease does not accomplish. Because of adversity, we feel inclined to develop methods to overcome, hence experimentation, and discover ourselves through that process. This is especially pervasive in the inception of Wal-mart discount stores.

Adversity demands an approach and we frantically experiment for the best-fit one. Sam Walton, creator of Wal-mart discount stores, experienced his adversity when he was starting his first store among a group of national corporations in his area. This stiff competition among the stores led Sam to attempt different types of approaches that his competitors, given their “national” status, felt disinclined to do based on the idea that Sam’s store was “easy” competition, hence ease. As Sam experimented with various approaches such as severe underselling and marketing strategies, he eventually began to grow a loyal customer base from his customer-focused approach, which was relatively unexplored land at the time. Soon, his customer base grew to rival his competitors and Sam was able to take over the region to eventually manage a national corporation that focuses itself on the customer. This shows a pattern. When we experience adversity, we are compelled to deal with it. Clearly, adversity means something wrong with the status quo. In Sam’s case, attempting to compete with corporations using standard methods would not have fit the status quo. Instead, we, like Sam, are forced to investigate for methods to overcome the adversity in order to fix or bypass the problematic area of the status quo. Ease, which implies that the status quo is fine, does not require any additional effort; therefore, people are not inclined to expend effort to change the status quo. On the contrary, the experimentation that adversity nurtures allows us to discover who we are just as Sam found an approach that would make Wal-mart discount stores extremely successful.

To conclude, ease does not challenge us because of its very nature while adversity coerces us to experiment. That experimenting plays a crucial part in discovering who we are since it allows for the trial and error of ideas and methods that eventually lead to identities, whether of companies or ourselves. To quote Confucius, an ancient Chinese philosopher, from his book Analects, “Adversity is like water. When we first encounter it, we are puzzled by its very nature, but if we look hard enough at it, we see ourselves.”

I’m not an SAT essay expert but…

I’m a little confused with your Wal-Mart example. I see where you’re going, but when I think of adversity, I think of difficult hardships or misfortunes such as losing your job or your family suddenly, not necessarily a somewhat sticky situation. Maybe I could be wrong and you or someone could correct me.

A second example might be helpful here, especially when you use something like, “This shows a pattern.”

In formal writing, it’s generally better to use the surname “Walton” instead of “Sam.”