I was wondering about writing letters to schools where you are declining their offer of admission. I’ve done so in the past for my oldest child, but that was a bit easier to explain for us (lack of swim team, desire for boarding vs day school). However, in my DS’s case, after thinking about the various schools he was admitted to, he’s decided to revisit 2, and get on the waitlist for his top choice; the other schools he’s going to decline.
I would like to send this letter sooner rather than later, just so the schools can move to their waitlists. But I’m kind of struggling with what to write, since technically DS hasn’t actually accepted an offer at another school (yet). I don’t want to claim they’ve accepted an offer from “another school,” as I know from past experience, sometimes a declined school will write back and ask which school your child decided to accept.
I am also keeping in the back of my mind that I have another kid who will likely apply to some of the schools DS will be declining, so I don’t want to burn any bridges. All of these schools are great schools and DS would’ve likely been happy at any of them… just after mulling over them for a week, he narrowed his choice down to two schools.
So my question is what if, unexpectedly, your son revisits those two schools and surprisingly hates them? Would he not reconsider one of the other schools and seek an opportunity to arrange another look at one of the others?
I get that you’re trying to maintain friendly terms with the others, but it seems easier to say that you really hoped they’d choose school X and how much you admired it etc. but this kid was blown away by school y at revisit. And that way you have the revisit and can be set on choice before saying no’s.
I said something along the lines of it was a very difficult decision, Kid really loved X about your school, but ultimately found the kids at chosen school to be a better social fit. Where applicable, I mentioned where the financial aid package was better at the school Kid chose. I reiterated what our family loved about declined school and that we really look forward to younger child applying to declined school in a few years.
I agree with @matadorski. Keep your options open, and make sure you are confident in your choice. A decline is going to burn the bridge no matter how you put it. A friend’s daughter turned down one of the top boarding schools, ended up being unhappy her first year and then reapplied for sophomore year. Even though she had strong coach support, she was denied (not surprisingly IMO).
If you had multiple meetings with an admissions officer or some representative of that given school, it might warrant a phone call instead of (in addition to) an email.
You could wait till April to send the letter. By that time, you will have done your revisits and have a pretty good idea. Also, admission offices do not start working off the waitlists until all acceptances have come in. Therefore, the fact that you send the decline letter early does not change anything.
In terms of burning bridges, I would not worry too much, either. Once upon a time, my cousin turned down an offer from a wonderful school because they believed that another school would be a better fit for their Kiddo1. 2 Years later, this school still accepted their Kiddo2. Bottom line: as long as you phrase it nicely, the admission folks will understand and take it well. Handling rejections is part of their job, after all.
This! Do it nicely and you’re fine. As much as admissions offices everywhere are saying how much they want you, they know that most students have options and that everyone is going to make the decisions that make the most sense for them - for whatever reason. If you are planning on having a second child apply there, I think that they DO want to see that you gave them a fair shake and that they weren’t just a back-up. If you truly considered them and understand the school, it’s highly unlikely that it’ll have any impact going forward.
As long as you don’t personally attack the admissions officers, or write a 4 page screed on the inferiority of the school, you have nothing to worry about. I’ve worked in boarding schools over a long career and have seen “behind the curtain” on this process for a long time.
All of the admissions officers I have known are emotionally functional adults. If your child is offered admission to a school, it’s because the admissions office thinks your kid is great and hopes they’ll join the community and thrive. Yield exists because admissions officials understand that not every family that is offered admission will accept. Ultimately, they want your kid to be happy and well-placed academically and socially. They don’t take declines of enrollment personally.
I have heard so many Admissions Officers make comments along the lines of “Aw, rats! We really hoped that family would choose us because we loved their kid, but in the end, they picked School X.” Then they shrug and pass the salad.
I’m in charge of a popular sport, so I’ve been involved with many yield efforts at the schools I’ve worked at. When we “lose” a kid to a “rival” school, we wish them well and move on. I cannot imagine the folks I’ve worked with feeling “burned” or being more likely to reject a younger sibling in the future. Kids in a family can be quite different, and they need different things. Good educators understand this.
I don’t think my son will hate the two schools he’s revisiting; he really liked them when we toured them in the fall. We went to open houses, toured and interviewed at a number of schools, and he narrowed his list down to the ones he applied to. So now it’s more of a case of going back and seeing which of the two he prefers (because there’s no guarantee that he makes it off the waitlist for his favorite).
Thanks everyone for your advice, I really appreciate it. As I said, all of the schools he was accepted to have really great things about them. I was just thinking about the timing; I figured the schools he’s not revisiting might like to know sooner that he’s decided not to attend. But I will wait until after the revisit day to send the letters out.
I agree with waiting until after the revisits and honestly, I encouraged my kid to go to more revisits than he really wanted to. Schools can look very different on revisit day and I know many who changed their minds.
As long as your decline is polite, they will give your future child fair consideration. My younger son goes to what was my older son’s “runner up”.
You are overthinking it. Also, the letter/email should come from your child, not from you. DD1 wrote very thoughtful decline emails to her AOs, and maybe one of them responded back. DS2, attends one of the schools she declined. The email should be short but gracious.
Schools admit more students than they can take because they know some will decide not to attend. You don’t actually owe them any explanation, just as they don’t owe you an explanation when they decide not to admit your child. I highly doubt that an AO would take things so personally that they’d not admit a sibling a year or more later. Give them some credit for professional decorum.
My son will write letters to the schools he declines that focus on what an honor it was to be accepted, the difficult things about the school that a hard to say no to, etc. There’s no need to get into what you didn’t like or where you are going. If asked, you can be polite. It’s just not that deep.
And the letter should 1000% come from the student, not the parents!
Should my child write a personal decline email even to an AO with whom they had no interaction other than the interview and some follow up emails immediately after the interview?
Yes
Mostly bc it teaches them good manners, and it helps the school keep track of their acceptances potentially freeing up the waitlist for someone who wants to go there.
