That is why I said I’m sensitive to detecting missing skills. I’m by no means suggesting I engage in power battles. No one ever wins those. I’m all about empowerment via skill training. That does mean that you have to take flack while the skill is being trained.
@Aspieration, You are going to have to be a very strong advocate for your kid. Nobody cares as much for your kid as you and your husband care.
I have a special needs kid who is 24 now.
As I said before. I have a nephew who has aspergers. He is 15. 2nd year in high school. He has some motor skill issues. He is bright. He loves Greek Mythology. He has read Homer. He is a straight F student who gets D minuses on his report card because he is too smart to fail. The schools will continue this policy until my nephew is no longer the schools’ responsibility. Sounds like a good plan? Not to me…
So…
My sister is getting a full time aide in the classroom to help her child. If that doesn’t work, there are schools that specialize in kids with autism. These schools are expensive. The public schools don’t want to pay for this; although, by law, if nothing else works, they are supposed to pay for this.
My sister and her husband prefer mainstreaming their son so we will see.
Good luck to you. You will have good times and bad times. Life isn’t a linear progression. There will be setbacks. Try to enjoy the good times.
I take my special needs daughter to see my parents once a week. I drive and my daughter is in charge of the radio. I watch her change channels. She knows I like Christmas music this time of year so she usually starts the radio on the Christmas music channel. I look at her and just 
.
Aspieration, as a former NYC public school parent (my daughter is a sophomore in college now) with plenty of friends with kids with various learning issues, I think it’s unrealistic think you’ll find the kind of help you are seeking for your child within the public school system, Have you considered attempting to get the Department of Education to pay for a more appropriate private school placement? I have friends who were helped a great deal by http://advocatesforchildren.org, and others who paid for private school and were assisted by an attorney to recover the cost.
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Again let me commend you on a superb job dealing with a lot of suggestions and criticism. I’m coming at you as a parent of a spectrum kid who is now a freshman in college. I’ve been through the meltdowns, the frustrations, the playdate disasters, the negative kindergarten evaluation, and onward from there. It’s scary and sad, and when people say “it gets worse,” they mean it becomes more difficult for our wonderful, bright, creative children to “pass” as neurotypical as the social and academic demands increase in the years ahead.
My point to you is that this it isn’t something your son can just soldier through, as long as you keep the pedal to the metal, and he’ll “catch up.” This is not a race - the sooner you are able internalize that, really the better for all concerned in my experience.
I will second the use of a computer to type…this worked for my friend’s eighth grader with aspergers.
The computer can be a huge help as well as problem for boys (especially) on the spectrum. OP said they are keeping their sons electronics-free for now. Difficult and commendable. My son was slow to learn handwriting as well (just getting the correct grip was a major learning curve) but he did and it was helpful.
I could be totally off base here, but has he been evaluated for any comorbidity? Your description of your son’s refusal to write reminds me of my son who received an early diagnosis of OCD. Because he was already on medication for that, we resisted pharmaceutical intervention for ADHD. But my very verbal, high IQ kid, was pretending he couldn’t read (so convincingly the school was sending him to reading support), his handwriting was illegible, and he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown (in 3rd grade!). Once he started medicine for ADHD, the improvement was remarkable. His handwriting changed virtually over night. He still does not enjoy reading fiction because he finds reading blocks of text effortful, but he can do it (and is now – years later – in AP English doing well) and he recognizes the importance of the medicine in helping him sustain concentration. Just a thought that perhaps there is something else going on in addition to the autism.
Well I’m not sure what vibes I’ve been sending out but H has become much more engaged in this thing called parenting. Coordinated meeting with school staff/therapist in anticipation of hiring the para.
S2 is turning 6 in about 30 mins local time and we (me, H, S1) strung a banner with his name and colorful flags across his room. I was delicious family time. Everyone is now asleep. The morning is going to be so much fun around here.
Thanks for all the feedback. I’m reading/digesting everything.
Happy Birthday to your little son, have a glorious day. Childhood feels fleeting when they are 18 plus and in college. Today will be the past in a fleeting moment, enjoy today. Live, love, the rest will unfold.
I would rethink the “electronics free” policy in the next year or two. The computer made it easier for my kid to express herself in writing. My kids also were happy to play educational or logic games for several years, too (do they still make Math Blasters? And logic games… my kids had a Zoombini game that was great). You can just turn off or block the Internet connection for a few years, and keep the computer in a public space in your home for now.
OP - Wishing you the best in setting things up with the para.
I think electronics can be a mixed bag. We did not ban electronics, but I can understand why families would want to. Eventually our kids needed to access a computer to prepare their schoolwork, but not in the early years.
I agree with @intparent that a computer can offer many benefits to a child who has some form of dysgraphia. My kids also grew up on Mathblasters, Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing, and the like, and one spent hours poring over coding manuals and trying them out. Even in elementary school, we became aware that many students were advantaged by having spent hours of practice with educational software. I think with the advent of online tutorials, this gap will only increase. And, I am pretty sure that my dysgraphic kid with an iep wouldn’t have gotten past the starting gate without access to these types of electronics as well as modified expectations for output during the first several years of school.
OTOH, I can understand a need to block or restrict Internet access or to keep the computer in a public place. For years, we had one computer, and also only one television. We could easily note the titles of books that the kids brought home from school or the library and initiate discussion if we wanted to check on how they were processing content. Not so simple, with electronic media. But, the Internet was also different back then and social media wasn’t an issue.
Video game consoles would be a whole different issue.