My college freshman son (just about to turn 21) today received a notice of immediate dismissal due to poor academic performance. He was scheduled to return to school after winter vacation next week. He’d always struggled with academics due to processing issues (was on an IEP through middle school and education plans beyond) but managed to get into 9 out of 10 colleges his senior year…until he “went missing” in the last few weeks of his senior year in h.s. and barely limped across the finish line.
We decided then he should defer college, so he did a gap year to attain some confidence, direction, and maturity (that was the plan, anyway, and we thought it had worked brilliantly, until about 2 hours ago when we received the notice). That he got 1 C and 3Ds in his courses freshman year and has been asked to leave is so upsetting to us, his parents. Of course, there was deceit involved in that he wasn’t honest with himself, his teachers, or his parents about how or why he was struggling…not that he knew exactly. This is a nightmarish repeat of the last month of his senior year.
Our son says he hates himself for screwing up and doesn’t know why he did it. Part of it is that he comes across as having it “all together”, is handsome, mature-seeming, and community-service oriented but inside he feels like an insecure child who doesn’t measure up to what he thinks he should be/doing.
I’m torn between suggesting he appeal the decision, see if he’s readmitted, and try again AND just packing his bags and looking for work and taking time off. Frankly, I’m in shock and scared.
Any compassionate advice appreciated.