<p>You’re not going to be able to change him. If you try to he will probably dig deeper into his current mindset.</p>
<p>let him do what he wants</p>
<p>^^^it’s hard to see your child screw themselves over, if that is in fact what is happening.</p>
<p>
That’s what the summer between HS and college is for.</p>
<p>All I can say is that I’m a senior that also has recieved an acceptance to a good school, stopped studying, and has that “Hippie” attitude as well so maybe my perspective will help you understand his thinking.</p>
<p>I’ve spent all 3 years of high school working really hard with only internal motivation, none from the folks. Now that it’s senior year and I’ve gotten into a college I just feel burnt out and am kind of cynical as to looking at the acceptance letter and saying “is this all I get for working so hard?” I do care about my grades but apparently not enough for me to do anything substantial about them. I’m interested in learning but the pressure of achievement and being evaluated for every thing- by colleges, for scholarships, and for 7 classes is just not the most motivating thing and is discouraging to say the least, if that is a projection of what we must do in life.</p>
<p>I think you should try to be happy for his “Hippie” attitude if living a simple life is what he really wants. It will be hard for you as a parent because naturally, you want him to succeed but you need to learn to recognize this desire to live a simpler life is perhaps what he feels to be his pathway success and happiness which is ultimately what you want for him to have anyways. If his ideals change which they well might at his age or he’s struglling to exist under the worldly pressures, this is really not an “irrevocable” decision as long as he’s kept doors open to himself (like graduating from college, which is another issue you might want to discuss with him, if he really is going to continue pursuing a simpler life and not studying.)</p>
<p>Most of all I would suggest yo uto ask him (which is just a more effective way of reminding him) why he originally worked so hard for the past three years. Hopefully this would prompt him to reevaluate what he’s really working for or his original goal. Good luck</p>
<p>Wait a minute… the power of the purse…</p>
<p>Last time I checked I am used for my purse (car insurance, car pmt, gamefly, netflix, hollister, papa johns tongiht mom please), so when a child turns and says I don’t care about my grades well then we have the right to rescind any and all offers. Hard work might actually make a child realize that to live in a nice home, to pay for cars and gas, to go out to dinner is not a given. If you can find the money tree in my backyard then you and my kids are welcomed to pick the $$$, of course since I pay the mtg, I guess I will ask for some fee.
To be honest Clay I am tired of hearing the you pay, you win…b/c guess what… that is how our society works, and I remember being thankful for my mom lending me her car, I remember taking college loans, we did not have the luxuries that are offered now…how is it we are horrible to state get good grades, and I will help you out, don’t and you need to find it on your own…You want to be an adult than act like one, support yourself, you want to be my child who is not an adult yet, then respect my rules</p>
<p>Just out of curiosity, how many of you parents are really willing to kick out your child if he completely rebels (refuses to get a full-time job, lives like a slob, etc.)? What if the child ended up sleeping in a park? We did kick our son out and this is what happened. We let him back in when he became very ill with a stomach flu, and now I can’t bring myself to kick him out again.</p>
<p>My kids are still too young for me to answer this. However, my friends parents did this, they tried everything from therapy to private school to boarding schools, nothing worked and they finally had to do “tough love”. Their son was/is incredibly smart, but would do stupid things like spray painting his name on a bridge…they were told he wasn’t being motivated send him to private, private said he has issues do therapy, therapist said send him to boarding school to find himself. In the end they got tired of the excuses and said live by our rules or you must leave…he left, 1 yr later he was back and a man. </p>
<p>Has your s changed since he left and came back? If yes, then I say try again, if no then as soon as a DOC (make sure he has a doc to clear him physically and mentally) have a conversation again about house rules.</p>
<p>My sister and her husband allowed a child(s from 1st marriage)back in, time and time again, until he threw my sister down a flight of stairs while she was holding their 1 yr old son who was born 10 weeks preemie. Bless my sister as she was hurdling down the first few steps, she instinctively released my nephew so he didn’t go crashing down…what was the fight about, his report card. Positive note he lived on his own, folks made a deal (about 1 yr later)that if he sent a weekly paycheck stub they would pay his rent directly to the landlord and that was all they pd, when he visited they filled his car with food to go home with. He is now at an ivy league school in another state on his own dime (scholarships, he didn’t even ask for money) sis and hubby still pay his apt. and agreed to do it until he grads as long as he send his grades to them, so it can happen that they change it is just a very hard road that you have to walk</p>
<p>This thread has really strayed from the topic. My son and I had a long talk last night. He said he was just feeling the pressure. Said he really does want to go to college and “can’t wait”. Says he will work hard once he gets there. He’s also going to start studying more this year. I’m feeling much better!</p>
<p>congrats! lol</p>
<p>kbee I guess you and I had the same night…my thread what makes you scream…people always said boys were harder than girls…I think they lied both are hard.</p>
<p>I hope all goes well for you, to be honest I am sure it will, IMHO any parent who is on these threads are emotionally involved, if we weren’t would be asking strangers for guidance…didn’t think so</p>
<p>bulletandpima: thanks for the response. It was useful.</p>
<p>duh…discipline him! say “if you dont make all a’s or whatever, then you lose your car until you regain all a’s” or something like that. it doesnt even have to be about the college just take charge of him!</p>
<p>March him down to the USMC recruiting depot and suggest that his options are somewhat limited if he blows his college admission by getting bad grades…and believe me, if he does blow it, they can and will rescind his offer of admission.</p>
<p>bulletandpima – it may be how society works but you choose to make that how your parent / child relationship work. success and monetary rewards should not be related. Mine never were when I was growing up. You shouldn’t buy your kids pizza because they got A’s. It sets up a bad dynamic. And you shouldn’t rescind pizza if they don’t. They aren’t related. </p>
<p>When a kid is dependent on you for something like college admission, and you threaten to take that away from your child who is now an adult because their decision doesn’t agree with yours, that’s wrong. And yes, I work and take out loans but bottom line is I can’t go to my school without my parents help. A dynamic should be created such that a child succeeds on their own will and accord, because they want to, and not because they are afraid that mom or dad will drop the hammer. I am very grateful for my parents for sending me to college but at the end of the day my academic decisions are my own. The I pay I win therefore you must be a business major or whatever bs is bs.</p>
<p>More related to this thread, as long as this kid gets good enough grades to maintain his acceptance, it’s not his mother’s deal / problem.</p>
<p>Tell him what he is doing for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>Everyone’s burned out by post-acceptance-senior-year. By this time, what you do in high school really won’t matter much. You’re already in college and the pressures of high school just seem so unimportant. What he’s doing is entirely normal.</p>
<p>I had to apply for college during final exams… stupid southern hemisphere :(</p>
<p>Clay,</p>
<p>I do not tie grades with rewards, never have…get an A and go out for pizza…nope. I do take them out for incredibly unique awards…won state champion for TKD, you chose where to eat…won NHS/BETA you chose. However, in both of those examples that is 1-2 x a year and worked hard to achieve it</p>
<p>I am saying that I will not pay for any of my children to go to college and have a great time and fail. I will not pay for any of my children re-taking a course b/c they did not show up except for mid and finals. Please give me the respect and credit that there are kids that do that. I went on scholarships and grants and graduated with a dual major in 3 1/2 yrs. My DH had the folks pay for it and he grad. in 5 (Y b/c he messed around and didn’t go to classes, got a d or f and had to retake it)</p>
<p>I can see through your thread that you have done well for yourself, and I once was like you, but your opinions will change when you enter the “role of parent” Our 1st priority is to raise a child who can survive happily in this world. Let’s admit it, I will always love my child more than his teachers, admission counselors and eventually his employer. All of these people have hard and fast set rules…you can’t raise a child without rules, they will not succeed in life…prove me wrong, I don’t know of anything that doesn’t have risk/rules and rewards. Should I just go out there and not give them rules?</p>
<p>I am not someone who has believed in “grounding”, I am the parent who does the funky punishments…mess up in school by not handing in assignments, I walk in with child in tow to have them apologize to the teacher right in front of me. Why do I ask them to say 1 thing a day that they learned the shouldn’t do, b/c I believe by verbally saying it, it will register in their mind…also they can never say well I din’t know it was wrong. I also has them 3 other questions. Finally, I also tell them everytime they or I walk out the door “I love you” I say it also as the 1st thing in the morning and the last thing at night. My children also do say to me “I love you” just off their cuff (walk by me and say Mom, you knwo what?..What?(my response)…I love you…I love you too. Each of my kids are in their teens and also have no problem giving me a kiss in front of their friends when they are walking out the door…so no matter what you might think, my kids have grown to be beautiful, smart, respectful young adults…I think its b/c of all my rules</p>
<p>when my GC first had college meetings with all of us this fall, she gave us packets with all the important info (deadlines etc) but also 2 real rescind letters from schools…another teacher of mine posted some on his bulletin board…i think the concept of this seems very far away, but it’s a pretty striking thing to be reminded of. i’ve gotten into a school and feeling kind of lazy now, but still working. i think things’ll get lighter second semester.</p>