<p>I know that once your at college they will put you on academic probation if the gpa gets too low, and some colleges will also say "buh bye :(… cousin was asked to leave UPenn after his freshman year. If you are an academic scholarship recipient your school may require a certain gpa. My requirement was a 3.2, so if I got a C, I needed at least 2 A’s to offset and that never left my mind…it was the best motivation to study and not party on a Wednesday night.</p>
<p>BulletandPima</p>
<p>I agree with you. I guess the consideration is how good is good enough, and what decisions are right enough. It’s one thing to say your kid must get A’s it’s another to say they can’t get D’s. I think in this scenario, the OP hasn’t been clear as to what is actually happening. So I got frustrated thinking about someone holding rules and money over the head of someone getting 4 b’s and a c. While that’s not great, that’s his choice and he won’t get his admissions revoked. If he goes to college and get’s 4 b’s and a c, as well, that’s still his choice. or if he wants to study english instead of engineering. he’ll still graduate and he’ll feel the repurcussions, if any exist. No one should or has to pay for their kids to go dork off and fail. if that’s the case than it’s a different story. </p>
<p>let me give you a couple of examples, and this is one of the reasons i am so bothered by it. </p>
<p>i didn’t get into any of the colleges i wanted to go to senior year. i was taking a gap year anyways, and wanted to reapply. my parents thought this was the wrong descision, so they did everything they could to discourage me from applying, including telling me i was not smart enough to get in, it was pointless, and that they wouldn’t pay for it. </p>
<p>i now go to my dream school, but it was really really hurtful for my parents to do that. </p>
<p>i take 3 credits a semester instead of 4 because of health concerns. I’ll graduate in 5 years. 2 semesters ago I broke my nose and needed surgery. I got chronic migraines and couldn’t work. I wanted to drop one of my classes (i was actually only in 2 – a 2 credit class and a 1 credit class) because i knew i wasn’t going to be able to do it. it would leave me with only 2 credits that semester, but i would still graduate on time. my parents said take an incomplete or you’re not going back. but i was the one who knew what my body was capable of – not them. And they weren’t respecting my decision to take a 2 credit art class as my main focus. They eventually backed down…and months later I ended up dropping the class anyways after a health-related failure to finish the incomplete. But it still bothers me that they would even DO that because my decision was not the one they wanted. It was so extreme. Especially considering how much they know this school means to me. </p>
<p>That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. Micromanaging your kids life with money, not enforcing basic rules. </p>
<p>I think I’m independent – and obstinate – enough that my parents often do this because they think it’s the only way they can control me, but if they just reasoned with me like an adult they’d get much better results. Nothing makes me either 1. hate them more and curl up into fetal position (example 1) or 2. not want to do what they are requesting more (example 2) then waving the power of money over my head. </p>
<p>I’m just saying it’s a really, really bad method.</p>
<p>What is it with Oregonian parents and this constant pessimism overlooking college admissions? lol, my parents were the same way. They wanted me to go to OSU or they wouldn’t pay for anything (which was funny because I had a full ride there anyway). I basically said eff-you and applied to all the schools I wanted anyway. I don’t receive the financial help but sometimes it’s worth following your heart instead of listening to naysayers.</p>
<p>Clay, I think you are very mature for your age and when you do graduate, enter the full-time world and become a parent you will be phenomenal.</p>
<p>I say that for a lot of reasons, but here are my tops:</p>
<pre><code>You are at your dream college and did it on your own…I settled and went where Dad said I should go (my kids get their choice as long as the school says come on in)
You will work hard, because you had to fight to get your dream, it didn’t come easy and alot of kids today don’t get that Mom and Dad aren’t always going to help you out of the hole you dug…Unerstand I don’t think you dug a hole, complete opposite 
</code></pre>
<p>You have respect for people, which to me means you play well with others. There was a study done many years ago that showed the most successful CEO’s did not come from IVIES, (not saying anything against IVIES they are phenomenal schools) The reason these CEO’s became successful is because they have social skills and that is something you can’t teach. You obviously have it all…Good on you </p>
<p>I also do agree there are extreme parents who say you will get a degree in this from this school or I am not paying (I am living proof of that…exactlt what my Dad said to me, and OBTW he welched on the promise and I had to go to a college that I didn’t want for a career I didn’t want b/c I got a academic scholarship for that field), but please don’t lump us all into that category.</p>
<p>Are you sure you want to do anything? The life of other person is generally that other person’s business. Please don’t think everyone who doesn’t do what you want is more stupid than you.</p>
<p>PS. If I ever have kids, I won’t pay for their college education. It’s their own damn problem and by struggling with it they learn how to become men. Not how to sit on your father’s/mother’s paycheck.</p>
<p>u still gotta study</p>
<p>kick his ass and tell him if he doesn’t study he’s going to get a rescind letter</p>
<p>As a fellow member of the Class of 2008, I think what’s most important is that you not punish him for something that hasn’t happened yet. I can sympathize with him (I have had significantly less motivation since going back to school since winter break) and have definitely been vocal about that, but at the same time I’m still maintaining my grades. </p>
<p>Have your son’s grades actually gone down at all? If not, do not make threats to him, like the earlier mentioned “if you don’t get all A’s you can’t use the car.” All that will do will make him mad and possibly make him want to get bad grades just to make you mad. If his grades do start going down, then you can (and should) talk to him about it. Does his school have an option where he could do an internship second semester instead of take classes? And if (despite loss of privileges) he still doesn’t raise his grades, it may take a letter rescinding his admission to “snap him out of it.” I’m not trying to sound condescending or rude, but there is a definite mentality at least in my HS that while you could hypothetically have an offer get pulled, it never actually happens to anyone. </p>
<p>While of course you should do everything possible to prevent that from happening, you should also accept that there may be a better plan for next year than going to school - someone else brought up volunteering, for example. I know a few kids who have waited a year to go to school and have worked in the theater community in my city. I know several more who have deferred a year to study abroad and have never regretted that choice for a minute. Perhaps he falls into one of those categories.</p>
<p>It’s not about getting into a good college, but what you do after you get into a good college that makes a difference. Also, one should do things not just for grades but for the love of learning.</p>
<p>This great impregnable scourge upon mankind has a name: senioritis.</p>
<p>Don’t worry. It’s entirely normal. I skipped a few weeks here or there personally; it’s no big deal. Just make sure he meets the bare minimum so he doesn’t get rescinded.</p>
<p>When he’s in college he’ll be taking classes that actually interest him and his mantra “do what I enjoy” will work out.</p>
<p>I say, let him be. That’s the way you raised him and he should follow to where God’s calling him.</p>
<p>Thanks to so many of you for all your suggestions.<br>
My son just got his final grades for first semester–they were good grades overall! So I may have overreacted to his comments–obviously he has been studying. Maybe not as much as I would like, but as many of you have said–it’s his life, not mine. Parental concern is normal, senioritis is normal–
whatever normal is!
This thread has shown a myriad of opinions just as have many discussions on CC. It seemed to develop a life of its own. I’m signing off this now–my best to all of you–listen to each other without forming instant hard and fast opinions–your life will be better!</p>
<p>lol…i only know a few seniors who are studing =P</p>
<p>how important are the midyear reports? i have a feeling that this math final is going to be rough…</p>
<p>I have several friends who did the same thing, and were told they could not attend their chosen university the following fall. One simply because he got 2 Ds. </p>
<p>They now attend community colleges.</p>
<p>^ Yeah, that happens sometimes. But you need straight A’s in all APs anymore.</p>
<p>so maybe grades don’t matter. knowledge does. he will learn and be engaged based on how interesting the subject matter is and on the ability of the teacher to capture his attention. if the class is an engaging one that goes beyond memorization and multiple choice questions, then the grade should reflect this. he should be rewarded for wanting substance and more than a grade from his schooling.</p>
<p>spare the rod, spoil the child</p>
<p>I think first and foremost you must address why he doesn’t care anymore. Clearly he did at one time if his grades got him into a good college. Is it more about a change in his philosphy or that he feels he is in and therefore no longer needs to apply himself? Furthermore as has been my experience, you can take the horse to the water but you can’t make him drink. Is this his dream or yours? I do not mean to be disrespectful but if he really wants to go to this school, he will do what is required to secure his acceptance. If its your dream, then perhaps he is acting out or telling you that it isn’t what he wants. Look first at the root of the behavior. If all else fails, if he says he does want to go, then maybe getting his advisor or teacher who he has a connection with involved to say “I notice you have been slacking off, every year, acceptances get rescinded because of grades that dip,etc…” sometimes hearing it from someone other than the immediate family can have more impact. The bottom line is he will jeopardize his acceptance, particularly that this is a record breaking year in terms of application numbers, competitiveness,etc…almost every single college has more applications than they know what to do with. He should really wise up if he plans to attend college, but I have found that once you have established that this is what he wants then getting an “outsider” involved can sometimes help them to wake up. Good luck to you both.</p>
<p>The best advice in this thread came early on from kathiep:
There was no greater motivator for me than taking a gap year. Best decision I ever made, and it made me grow up considerably and gain real confidence in my ability to handle the real world.</p>
<p>My girlfriend freshman year in college had also done a gap year, and in that time she had done 3-month stays at (1) A school for the blind in virginia, (2) as a park ranger in hawaii, (3) as a gardener/nanny for some british family living in italy, and (4) as a waitress in southern france. Not all of those would’ve been my choices, but they were all great adventures, for sure. And thinking about that while you’re biding your time as a senior in HS beats the hell out of thinking about doing 4 more years of classwork. There are a bunch of services out there that line this up and play matchmaker for a small fee.</p>
<p>The secret, of course, is that no matter how cool your gap year is, unless you start the next great startup company you will be 10x as motivated to go to college after you’re done.</p>