A supplemental essay on my poor freshman year

roadrunner24k · December 20, 2005, 5:41am

My freshman year was horrible; the only reason I ended up with a 2.58 for the year was because I got A/A+s in PE and band. I had a 2.2 academic GPA. It may also be helpful to note that I attend a public high school known for its academic excellence. Our average SAT is almost a 1300 and 95% of the students go off to college.

Anyways, since then, I’ve improved my overall GPA to 3.32 while taking increasingly difficult honors/AP classes. In order to address this issue, I’ve written a supplemental essay and pretty much being like, “look at my senior year grades, they kick butt.”

I’m applying EDII to Wash U, and unlike Emory, the admission committee actually defers applicants to the regular decision pool. Judging from the competitiveness of Wash U, though, it is extremely likely that I will be deferred, if not rejected, despite my excitingly upward grade trend.

My question to you:

In my supplemental essay, do you recommend my saying something along the lines of:

"I agree that my first quarter grades from senior year are not representative of my entire academic performance in high school, and I know that by my applying ED II (and your notification being Jan 15), you will not have a chance to look at my similarly awesome second quarter grades.

(This is where it gets sketchy and many of you may advise against. What do you think?)

“For that reason, it is perfectly understandable if you defer me into the regular decision pool - I just wanted to let you know that your school has been and always will be my first choice. The only reason I didn’t apply ED was because I had mistakenly assumed that since your deadline was Nov 1, you would not be able to consider my first quarter grades for admission - something I pretty much relied on.”

OR… I can be like…

“I am confident that my senior year grades, especially those for the second quarter, will kick even more butt than my first quarter grades. I’m not really a first quarter person.”

So… take the humble route or the overly confident, look-at-me-I’m-probably-full-of-crap route?

Thanks for your opinions.

blythe89 · December 20, 2005, 5:55am

Um neither. The first one says, “I had some pretty crappy grades but I like your school so much that I am planning to apply anyways. But I obviously don’t like it enough to know the correct date. Please accept me because there is a possibility that my grades will be good, even though my freshman grades contradict this.”

The second one is pretty funny.

I am in a similar situation. Frosh grades are KILLING me. I am planning to do something along the lines of…
“I have really grown academically and personally. I have found my passion and I care about my education. I want to continue to grow to become a better person, and X college will help me do that.”

roadrunner24k · December 20, 2005, 6:04am

Actually, that’s what I have right now… I was thinking of changing it for my ED II because I got rejected from my ED I. I guess I’ll stick with what I originally had then.

Antarius · December 20, 2005, 6:11am

I disagree with both.
I have read this article where it states things not to doand justifying grades ranks very high

roadrunner24k · December 20, 2005, 6:30am

I don’t justify grades. In fact, I think I even state in my statement that my grades are unjustifiable and I accept full responsiblity for my negligent attitude toward academics that one year. I emphasize my growing passion and respect toward education and steer them toward my senior year transcript.

Antarius · December 20, 2005, 6:39am

hmm…
Possible, but I do advise against it. The adcoms are made up of people very well experiences and they will detect so in your upward grade trends… Pointing it out may lead to closer scrutinization and also might show your lack of confidence.

I personally feel against the idea, but wait for further feedback before deciding

mikemac · December 20, 2005, 1:39pm

maybe its just me, but I’m not comfortable with the tone and content of your proposed essay.

I’d pitch it differently, as a story about how you came to respect and love learning (assuming this is true). The story starts with a mediocre frosh year and then there is some awakening, either all at once or a gradual realization. You accept responsibility for what you did frosh year without laying blame on anyone else (lousy teachers, parents that didn’t care, peer group pressure to hang out and drink, whatever). You explain what you started doing differently, what worked and (importantly) what didn’t. Life is a work in progress, at 16 or 17 nobody has it all figured out and people are leery of those who claim they have. You shouldn’t claim to have it all figured out, you’re still trying to improve, right? You end the essay by recounting a talk with your counselor or teacher who compliments you on your improvement and encourages you to aim high for college (give this person’s name, and BTW it better be a TRUE story!), and you conclude optimistically by explaining that’s what brought you to apply to X.

Colleges are looking for kids who show a record of improvement, but they also want to see that you can function at the level they expect. By naming a person the adcoms can contact them and that’s how they get the update on 2nd quarter’s grades.

One thing troubles me, though. You write “I’m not really a first quarter person” which implies something not so great happened 1st quarter senior year. This isn’t good for the story, and if you read a few books about admissions you’ll see its a story the adcoms are looking for. Eg. “kid from top school, really bright, always excelled” is not you. “Kid who started slow but didn’t give up and look at him now!” is what you want them to be thinking, and bad grades 1st quarter says this isn’t true either. Take a look at the MIT adcom blogs at <a href=“http://matt.mitblogs.com/archives/meet_the_admissions_officers/index.html[/url]”>http://matt.mitblogs.com/archives/meet_the_admissions_officers/index.html</a> to see what real adcoms say they look for.

Stay away from any expressions like “The only reason I didn’t apply ED was because I had mistakenly assumed …” Colleges are looking for people who are self-starters and able to figure out how achieve their goals. A simple phone call or email would have resolved this question, and by saying “I mistakenly assumed” it doesn’t give a good impression of this angle.

That’s just my take, I’m not an adcom or college advisor, so take it with a grain of salt.

roadrunner24k · December 20, 2005, 4:33pm

This is so frustrating. I think I asked about this issue a long time ago - before I submitted my Early Decision app to Duke. At that time, everyone was like “oh thats a great idea!” “i think it really shows how passionate you are and how much you grew over the years” etc etc. These comments raised my confidence (perhaps for the worse) and I was happy about the essay. I also showed it to my teachers and they gave me the same sort of response, so I thought presenting it in my app would significantly improve it.

I agree with what you guys are saying; adcoms see these things all the time and they will def be able to spot the grade trends, etc. What people have told me is that if I were to not submit an essay addressing it, adcoms will think that I am hoping that my poor performance will go unnoticed, which is the exact opposite of what I want them to think.

<hr>

To address mikemac’s points:

Are you sure it would be better to make it a story on how I came to respect and love learning? With all due respect - because I thought of doing it myself - wouldn’t that be kind of corny? Please correct me if I’m wrong. Also, my freshman year was not mediocre. In fact, light years away from it. I had 4 Cs and the highest academic grade I have was a B-. I think I called it “atrocious” in my essay that I sent to Duke Note that I have absolutely no intentions of placing the blame on anyone but myself.

I think your idea to recount a talk with my teacher/counselor who compliments me on my improvements is a great idea. Does anyone else have an opinion on this?

I was half-joking about my proposals in my original post - I oversimplified it like I was explaining it to a 5 year old.

Regarding my “I’m not really a first quarter person” comment: I dont think anyone is a first quarter person. We are all learning the grading policies of our new teachers, etc. I didn’t mean to imply that something not so great happend first quarter. I received the highest quarterly GPA I’ve ever gotten in my life, a 3.73, with 4 AP/Honors classes. Now, before you scoff, do keep in mind that I still attend that supercompetitive, 1300 avgSAT public high school. Personally, I do believe that I could have done better. I screwed up. This is why I know my 2nd quarter grades will be much better. And this is why I dont know if I should apply ED II - they wont’ see my 2Q grades. However, I don’t want to apply regular either, because literally 1 in 3 people I walk into is applying to Wash U regular decision - and my god are they qualified.

““Kid who started slow but didn’t give up and look at him now!” is what you want them to be thinking.”

Yes, you nailed it. That’s exactly what I want them to think, but my junior year grades are mediocre at best: 3.3 with 3 AP, 1 hon. I can’t think of a good way to phrase this essay, because:

<ol>
<li>I don’t fit the steady upward grade trend everyone agrees is awesome. It goes like 2.5, 3.8, 3.3, 3.7. This was because I was forced to take regular classes sophomore year due to my poor freshman grades. Junior year, I challenged myself (apparently too much) and didn’t produce as good a GPA.</li>
<li>My freshman GPA is TOO horrible. I mean think about it, 4 Cs and a B-. Perhaps it’s so low that my app will automatically get placed in the rejected pile.</li>
</ol>

"Stay away from any expressions like “The only reason I didn’t apply ED was because I had mistakenly assumed …” Colleges are looking for people who are self-starters and able to figure out how achieve their goals. A simple phone call or email would have resolved this question, and by saying “I mistakenly assumed” it doesn’t give a good impression of this angle.

I agree. After much thought I decided against that. It really wasn’t my fault though - I called Wash U and they were like “ehh we MIGHT look at it … can’t guarantee it.” Then later I found out that they freakin REQURE 1Q grades. If I knew this I would’ve apped Wash U early decision :(

It’s really hard for me. I have no idea what to do. If you want to read the essay I sent Duke, please tell me.

Thanks very very much for your help.

mikemac · December 20, 2005, 6:17pm

Like I said, I’m not a pro; so I can’t guarantee it’s the best approach.

However I should add that in writing this type of essay you follow the maxim “don’t describe yourself, show them with stories”. The words about respecting and loving learning would appear nowhere in the essay. Instead you’d recount how you blew off homework, etc, but then turned the corner. It may have been an influential teacher, or fascination with a class/classes, or just a sense of dawning maturity. You explain what happened and why.

Saying “I came to love my classes and what the school was trying to do for us” does sound corny, but something like this is what I’m thinking for a portion of the essay: “I began speaking up in class, and in order to keep up with the level of my classmates at top-HS I found myself spending more and more time reading my textbooks and even reviewing my notes. No more doodling for me. I knew something had changed the day in history class I gave MY reasons for the Boston Tea Party and Ms. Smith smiled and said ‘class, that’s the kind of answer I’m looking for’. I’d never heard that before, and I was so happy I was floating in my seat!”

I don’t know what kind of deadlines you’re facing, but the parents board is a good source of advice from other adults who’ve been there. And this site offers a paid essay service that might be worth considering to get skilled advice on where to go next.

roadrunner24k · December 20, 2005, 6:26pm

Wow, thanks SO much. That was really helpful.

If anyone else wants to comment, please feel free to.

mikemac · December 20, 2005, 11:24pm

BTW the examples I’ve given are just samples I pulled out of thin air, not what you should be writing. I’m sure you know that, but I feel better saying it. Anyway I’m not the greatest writer, so you’ll probably do better with something that comes from you & your heart.

In all my rambling I’m not sure if I’ve expressed my main point well enough, so let me quote one of the adcoms in the link I referenced earlier.

And since I’m in an advice-giving mood let me add this: people put WAY too much emphasis into getting into a “top” college. That emphasis is much better placed on finding a fit – a college in the setting you want, with the size classes you want, the level of personal attention you need, enrolling the kind of kids you’d be happy to have as friends, etc. A fit can be a college that’s ranked, 5, 50, or even 500. If its the right place for you and you can throw yourself into it then things well turn out well. So no matter whether Wash U says yeah or nay, if you can identify why you think its a good fit for you and find other schools that are similar you’ll be fine!

A supplemental essay on my poor freshman year

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