<p>maybe its just me, but I’m not comfortable with the tone and content of your proposed essay. </p>
<p>I’d pitch it differently, as a story about how you came to respect and love learning (assuming this is true). The story starts with a mediocre frosh year and then there is some awakening, either all at once or a gradual realization. You accept responsibility for what you did frosh year without laying blame on anyone else (lousy teachers, parents that didn’t care, peer group pressure to hang out and drink, whatever). You explain what you started doing differently, what worked and (importantly) what didn’t. Life is a work in progress, at 16 or 17 nobody has it all figured out and people are leery of those who claim they have. You shouldn’t claim to have it all figured out, you’re still trying to improve, right? You end the essay by recounting a talk with your counselor or teacher who compliments you on your improvement and encourages you to aim high for college (give this person’s name, and BTW it better be a TRUE story!), and you conclude optimistically by explaining that’s what brought you to apply to X.</p>
<p>Colleges are looking for kids who show a record of improvement, but they also want to see that you can function at the level they expect. By naming a person the adcoms can contact them and that’s how they get the update on 2nd quarter’s grades.</p>
<p>One thing troubles me, though. You write “I’m not really a first quarter person” which implies something not so great happened 1st quarter senior year. This isn’t good for the story, and if you read a few books about admissions you’ll see its a story the adcoms are looking for. Eg. “kid from top school, really bright, always excelled” is not you. “Kid who started slow but didn’t give up and look at him now!” is what you want them to be thinking, and bad grades 1st quarter says this isn’t true either. Take a look at the MIT adcom blogs at <a href=“http://matt.mitblogs.com/archives/meet_the_admissions_officers/index.html[/url]”>http://matt.mitblogs.com/archives/meet_the_admissions_officers/index.html</a> to see what real adcoms say they look for.</p>
<p>Stay away from any expressions like “The only reason I didn’t apply ED was because I had mistakenly assumed …” Colleges are looking for people who are self-starters and able to figure out how achieve their goals. A simple phone call or email would have resolved this question, and by saying “I mistakenly assumed” it doesn’t give a good impression of this angle.</p>
<p>That’s just my take, I’m not an adcom or college advisor, so take it with a grain of salt.</p>