<p>Hi everyone, I have a question about this essay from CollegeBoard. Can you tell me why it deserves a 5.
The sentence “what ‘seems’ isn’t always what is” can be applied to almost any situation in life. Science is one area where conclusions are made, but later are changed, because things no longer seem the same way or, are proven to be otherwise. When doctors use cryogenic villus sampling (CVS), or other methods, to determine the gender of an unborn baby, mistakes can be made. These mistakes lead the parents to believe they are going to a child of one gender, when in reality, they are going to one of the other gender.</p>
<p>When my mother was pregnant with my younger brother, the doctor told her that she was going to another little girl. I was extremely excited to find out that I was going to have a little sister. My parents and I went to the store and bought a crib, window curtains, sheets, clothes, and many other things to decorate my sister’s room. Almost everything in the room was pink and white. My parent’s then decided to pick a name. After much debate, they decided on Claire, a beautiful Irish name for their beautiful new daughter. I thought to myself that all I had to do was wait a few more months to meet my babysister.</p>
<p>One night, several months later, I woke up and found my grandparents sitting in my kitchen. My mother had gone into labor in the middle of the night and they had come to stay with me while my father drove her to the hospital. I quickly got dressed and we made our way to the hospital to see my parents. When I got there they told me that the baby had just been born. However, the baby was not the little sister I had been expecting. I now had a baby brother with no room, no clothes, and, more importantly, no name. My parents were exstatic to have a healthy baby, but were shocked to find out they now had a son.</p>
<p>When my mother had asked the doctor to find out the gender of the baby it had seemed that it was a girl, however in reality it had been the complete opposite. Mistakes like this are made everyday in all areas of life. If it were not for such mistakes, however, no one would ever have surprises and life would be quite boring. Sometimes it is better to have things not seem as they truly are.
</p>
<p>
Score Explanation </p>
<p>This essay effectively develops the point of view that in science, as well as “almost any situation in life,” “what ‘seems’ isn’t always what is.” The writer demonstrates strong critical thinking by focusing on his or her family’s surprise upon discovering that doctors had been wrong in their predictions of a new brother’s gender. The writer describes all of the unnecessary energy that went into wrongly preparing for a little girl, but finishes the essay with the idea that “If it were not for such mistakes … no one would ever have surprises and life would be quite boring.” By presenting the evidence in the form of a narrative, this well organized essay demonstrates progression of ideas and coherence. The essay exhibits facility in the use of language and demonstrates variety in sentence structure (“My parent’s then decided to pick a name. After much debate, they decided on Claire, a beautiful Irish name for their beautiful new daughter. I thought to myself that all I had to do was wait a few more months to see my babysister”). While this essay is effective, to achieve a score of 6, it needs to more insightfully develop the position by adding further focused evidence to this example of a time when reality was not “as it had seemed.” This essay demonstrates reasonably consistent mastery, meriting a score of 5.
</p>
<p>Her language is very good. She elaborates on small details. Everything is concrete. The narrative style is appropriate and excellent.
<p>Am I right ?</p>