<p>I’m 18 years old and a sophomore at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor.
I’ve already dropped out once last year but only for a semester. Luckily, I was already sophomore status after the one semester I attended there so it wasn’t an issue. </p>
<p>I dropped out due to my serious emotional/psychological issues getting in the way of school, but most of all due to my severe insomnia. I have been through a ton of childhood trauma and pretty much have been diagnosed with every mental disorder in the book, and I find it hard to function and live a normal life due to all of those things. The worst part is, I have had such bad insomnia that I have gone to bed a max of 1.5 hrs a night for the past 4.5 years (and often not at all. Often I would be up 72-120 hours and then go to class and still not fall asleep afterwards). This is a big part of why I have such deep depression to begin with, but it also causes me more problems because I hallucinate all the time from not sleeping. I also can’t really mentally function or think clearly, or get anything done. So far, it’s the 3rd day of class since I’ve been back…and…I’m already having such an unbearably hard time. I haven’t slept in 72 hours and I really tried last night. I took 7 benadryl pills (so bad for me I know) and I was still wide awake (yet dead and zombified).</p>
<p>I don’t want to be here. I’m apathetic. I don’t want to live, and I sure don’t care about school if I don’t even care about life. Not sleeping makes me so suicidal, but I’m not really suicidal. It’s just how I feel from lack of sleep.</p>
<p>I have been to several sleep specialists and I’ve taken different prescription pills for anxiety and/or sleep that worked for a while. Then I either got addicted, or the side effects became unbearable, or my tolerance skyrocketed and it wouldn’t help anymore.
HELP ME. I want to leave but I can’t. I paid for my tuition and housing through workaholism during my semester off and the summer. I have to stay ): But I want to leave so so badly and just get better somehow. But I left last time, and I still didn’t get better. I can’t take this pressure someone help please. I had this problem in high school but I never had to try in high school…now I actually have to use my brain.</p>
<p>This may not be the best time to go to college. Here’s a crazy idea: join the military. They’ll FORCE you to sleep and wake at certain times and eventually your body will have to fall into a more normal sleep pattern.</p>
<p>Oh good grief Tom Servo, was that a joke? Do you seriously want an insomniac suffering from hallucinations defending our country? The military is hardly the place for someone who is barely functional. And OP’s medical history would be an impediment to enlistment in any case.</p>
<p>OP, if you’re hallucinating you need serious medical care. I can’t imagine why you would think that returning to school with your medical issues unresolved was a viable notion. Do you have any responsible adults involved in your life? If you were my kid I’d yank you out of school and send you to a place like the Mayo Clinic for a full work up immediately. You have some serious issues going on. College can wait.</p>
<p>^That sure is a crazy idea… I don’t think it’s wise for someone experiencing various mental health issues to join the army, especially when experiencing hallucinations and thoughts of suicide. And it’s impossible to force someone to sleep. You can force someone to lay down, although that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll fall to sleep especially if they suffer from insomnia. I agree however that this may not have been the best time to return to school. I think you should continue searching for a solution that can help you get your mental health under control, and when you feel you’re a bit more able to handle the stress of college under your new regimens, return. I feel that can help you avoid leaving under poor academic standing so when you come to return 1. It will be easier to be re-admitted and 2. Your GPA won’t take a hit, forcing you to play catchup. Also see if your school is willing to refund you, due to the circumstances.</p>
<p>Well, I know this is dumb but the reason I thought I was okay was because I spent my summer overseas doing something really meaningful to me (volunteer work lol) and I was so at peace and happy and I came back feeling like I could handle anything. </p>
<p>Good (I think?) news, I went to advising and my tuition can be refunded as long as I drop within the next 2 weeks.</p>
<p>So I’m not stuck here but I’m not sure what I want to do. Ideally I’d just sleep like a normal person and stay here, but I’m not sure that’s realistic. I might stay here and go to school part time and work more, because I love love love working for some reason (I’m weird).
Or maybe it’s smarter to leave. any more insight anyone?</p>
<p>Going to college might not be the best solution as of the moment. You might want to get away, like far away? Be in a place where you can think you can sleep and think. You may not know what life is going to give you :)!</p>
<p>OP, have you considered asking to be admitted to the psych ward of a hospital? Do you have medical insurance that would cover hospitalization? You could get immediate help with sleep, they could stabilize you, and help treat any depression, etc. When you don’t sleep, other chemicals in your body get out of whack. Without good quality REM sleep, hormones go nuts, and a lot can then go wrong health - wise. Tell someone how you feel when you can’t sleep for days. They won’t be surprised, but might be able to help. You could even beg docs to seek natural sleep aids that won’t leave you feeling like a zombie, since you want to feel clear headed and motivated in classes.
You really need to get some help and get your sleeping under control. Then you can focus on school and feel good about it and about life! I’m rooting for you! Good luck!</p>
I can’t take this pressure someone help please. I had this problem in high school but I never had to try in high school…now I actually have to use my brain.</p>