Academic suspension appeal letter feedback

Dear Student Success Coach,

On May 18, 2017, I felt a piece of my heart shatter as tears flooded my face in devastation. As I read the words one by one, I could not help but deny every bit of truth. “You have been suspended from the University of XX” it read. A nightmare I had foreseen became the reality I refused to accept. As I woke up the next day, I felt nothing more than pure disappointment and emptiness. As the days went by, denial turned into acceptance, believing the unwanted truth. I had failed.

The following year would be the longest, as I suffered in discovering the reasons for my suspension, I began to reflect on my poor academic performance. I began asking myself, “Where do I go from here?” “Is College right for me?” “What do I do now?” Feeling lost was the first step in re-evaluating my goals in life, and whether college was my true ambition. All along, I believed my purpose in life was to be an Orthopedic Surgeon. However, as the days of my suspension lingered, my passion for such a career was challenged. After months of self-reflection, I came to the realization that this was not my desired lifelong career. As I grabbed my dusty MCAT books off the shelf for donation, I felt tears rushing down my face once more. However, this time, they were not tears of sadness. As I handed off the MCAT textbooks, I felt the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. Anxiety, sadness, and grief were absent, and I felt like I could finally breathe.

It was during this time of my suspension that I realized the true purpose of academic probation/suspension. Soon after, I began enrolling in classes at XX Community College, hoping to prove that I was worthy of a second chance. My previous fear of academic suspension became a reality. However, I can now confidently say that I am proud to have been suspended. For without it, I could not have discovered the person I whole heartily want to be. For that, I plead for readmission, not in hopes of becoming an Orthopedic Surgeon, but for the Physician Assistant I know I will become.

My feedback - oh my god, no.
Cut out all the tears, the dusty MCAT books, and well, just about everything.

Colleges aren’t looking for short stories or creative writing. They want to know, succinctly, what went wrong and why, and what concrete steps you’re taking to correct your issues. Were you unprepared for your current major? Did you suffer from some sort of illness? Briefly tell them what happened and what changes you’ve made.

They don’t need to know how you reacted to their letter. Students who are failing usually know so it shouldn’t have been a surprise. And they know you want to return. That’s why you’re filing an appeal. I’d scrap this version and do a complete rewrite. Check this site for sample appeal letters.