Hello everyone, I’m 19 years old and I’m in my sophomore year going to be suspended in my 2nd semester. Last semester, I was on academic probation and lost all my financial aid and opened up to my parents. They were very disappointed and they payed A LOT of money for my classes last semester and wanted to give me another chance. I was doing good at the start and showed my parents that I was but everything started to just go down and I managed to only get an A in one class but not good on the rest, I got a D in one class and failed in another. I haven’t shown or told them about my final grades as they thought I did good since I was at the start. I tried my best to do good in these classes but I wasn’t able to and now I’m on suspension. You need to be above a 2 gpa and I had a 1.7 gpa for that semester. I’ve tried to appeal in the past but have not been appealed. I have yet to tell my parents and I don’t know if I even should since they were expecting me to not let them down. I really don’t know if it’s worth to tell my parents because of all the things that they’ve done for me and I still didn’t do good. I’m too scared to even tell them that I’m on suspension and really depressed thinking what they will even do since this semester is about to start in a week. Any suggestions are appreciated
Of course you have to tell your parents, they might not want to pay for another semester, and of course your secret will come out. Maybe take a semester off and try to figure out what is wrong? Our youngest crashed and burned first semester freshman year, we picked him up in October and brought him home, got him some assistance and he’s currently a junior, commuting, with a 3.8.
You won’t be doing this semester if you are on academic probation. If your parents have paid for this semester, they need to request a refund ASAP.
You need to be honest. Right now, your goal should be to withdraw from the college (and dorm…make sure that happens). Then work to figure out what went wrong. That is very important.
What does your college say about you returning? Do you need to show that you have done something to reconcile whatever went wrong? Do they want you to take maybe one course someplace each semester to show you can do college work well? Find out.
In the meantime, college is a journey, not a race. But you need to figure out what went wrong. Then…move forward from there.
Your parents care about you. Be honest with them. That is important.
Will the school even accept payment for a student who has been suspended ?
Is a suspended student permitted to enroll in classes ?
OP: Consider taking one or two courses at your local community college while living at home.
Where my kids went to college…payment for the spring term would have been made even before final exams began…nevermind grades. Student might not have been suspended when the payment was due.
So…check!
You need to tell your parents the truth. First of all, it is without question the right thing to so. And from a practical standpoint you won’t be allowed to return to school next semester so will likely need to live at home. And I agree that arrangements need to be made for your withdrawal from the school and housing.
Over the next few months, please work to understand why you have been having issues in college so you can improve your academic standing.
Tell your parents and reflect why you are struggling.
Maybe the courses are too difficult and you need remedial.
Maybe you’re struggling with the adjustment.
Maybe stay home and take a few community college classes.
But hiding this is not a good idea. When they find out and they will, they will be upset you did not tell them.
I understand you are in a tough position and are dreading telling your parents. But you should know that there are a lot of people who have been in your same position, have faced their fears, and told their parents, and even though it was not easy things turned out well in the long run.
One of my relatives was in your exact shoes. He was on academic probation, promised his parents the next semester would be different, started off the new semester strong but then got behind in work, got very anxious about it, stopped going to a lot of classes, got even more behind, got Ds and Fs and failed out of college. Had to tell his parents, which wasn’t easy, but he did it.
He then worked for almost 10 years. Did a variety of jobs. Eventually went back to school (this time trade school) and got mainly As. Works a job that pays more than $100K/yr, and has a happy life. So things can for sure work out!
You are not alone.
Best wishes, and go tell them
OP- sending you a hug.
The best way to tell your parents disappointing news is to own up to your own actions AND to show that you’ve put a plan into place.
Make a list of every single charge that could be on your final bill- tuition, dorm, labs, library, student activities, food service/meal plan, health insurance, lost key from housing- everything. And then go down the list and systematically withdraw with an official “withdrawn student” and proof in writing.
Your parents will be upset- but a lot MORE upset if they’re paying late fees on all this stuff because you weren’t proactive in settling up with the university.
Then- a plan. Live at home and work for a semester. Live at home and work while taking a community college course. Decide to take a year off to work and volunteer in some sort of organized program which gives you structure (Americorps or similar?) But don’t walk into the meeting with your parents with a shrug, “Stuff just happened to me last semester, sorry you’re paying for credits I never got” or some expectation that they are going to be sympathetic to “I really don’t know what happened”.
I know what happened and I don’t even know you! So put together a plan, minimize the financial damage, and move ahead.
Good luck. They love you and they want you to find something that you can be successful at. If it’s not college, it might be something else…
I am so sorry and I know this must be scary and hard. Like all the other posters, it is important you speak to your parents and get clarity from the school of what you would need to do to reenroll - if that is a goal.
What is unclear from your post (or maybe it is just me) do you live at home and attend school or were you living on campus or off campus apt. If you are living/paying for housing, you will need to make sure that is all cancelled and you move out by the required deadline.
It sounds like to me that you are living at home and attending college ??? I am sorry you struggled and I would advise you to make a dr appt to have a complete physical and look into speaking to a counselor too (therapist). This is a lot of handle on your own and they will help support you too.
Your parents will be disappointed - but they love you and want you to be safe and succeed. Allow them those feelings and then you can all make a plan.
Right now, every minute and every second is psychological torture. Take control and end it. Tell your parents the truth right now. At first, it will suck. They will calm down. You will all come up with a plan and you will get to go to sleep unburdened. You will wake up tomorrow feeling better about things.
I am sorry you are struggling. You do have to tell your parents, and I think that for your sake and theirs, this is the time to sit down and talk constructively with a long view toward the future. Full-time college isn’t working for you right now. That’s okay. What will work? A job? Community college? Part-time enrollment? I think that taking some time to get to the root of your problems will be helpful. Are you academically unprepared? Experiencing anxiety or depression? Too easily distracted? Lacking clear goals? All of these are totally acceptable and normal problems to have, and you may be experiencing a combination of these and other challenges. Academic roadblocks might be resolved with some remedial classes at a community college. The others might be best addressed in therapy. But it seems like you need to do some work on yourself, one way or another, before you try full-time college again.
And that’s fine! Because, fortunately, there is no rule that requires you to go to college at age 18. I teach at a university where the student body averages a bit older than the traditional college age. We do have many students who come straight from high school, but there are also many who’ve spent time in the military before pursuing a degree, tried other career paths that didn’t require college, took time off, spent time at home raising their kids before starting school, or had experiences similar to yours – they tried college, it didn’t work out the first time around (or maybe it did, but they couldn’t stick with it for any number of reasons), and they left. And guess what? My students who are a little older tend to have better focus, they’re more determined, they are better prepared, and they are more likely to have the discipline to succeed. That could be your story, too. But you have to give yourself time (and do the work you need to do on yourself) to get there.
Yes, tell your parents so the proper steps can be taken to get money back.
Does your college have an academic success center where you can meet with someone to discuss what happened? Do you have any kind of diagnosis or IEP, were the classes too hard, or was it partying? Be honest about that.
What does academic suspension mean at your school? Sitting out a semester (or two)? Having to re-apply? Find out those answers as well, and you may have a path back once you figure out what you want.
Good luck. It’s not the end of the world but it’s time to bring your parents in for help.
The more you wait to tell your parents; the more time you are spending torturing yourself. They’re going to find out eventually.
The bigger question is: why did you fail? Were you putting the hours in to study? Were you not studying efficiently? Did you understand the material or are you in over your head? Sounds like you knew the material if you started out OK. Are you studying a subject that you care about as that makes a big difference in your motivation. Were you part of a study group? Getting thru college is tough by yourself, it should be a team game. You need to honestly answer these questions to work out a plan on how to succeed.
I was in engineering, which can be a difficult field. One of my co-workers flunked out of college the first time he tried. He worked in a hands on field for a few years before deciding he really did want to do engineering. He went back to school and was motivated to do well, which he did. He became one of the best engineers I worked with. The moral of the story is that sometimes you just need to mature a bit before you enter college. College is quite different from all the previous years of schooling you have had. It requires a bunch of discipline on your part and if you are not ready for that, you won’t do well. You need to be emotionally ready as well as academically ready to accomplish your goals. Work out a plan realizing that whatever plan you do work out is not cast in concrete, but it will help you set goals.
Good luck to you.
If you go to NC State, they know. We had a parent make this exact post about their child.
Be honest with your parents. It’s your life, not theirs. Keeping it a secret is way too much stress for you and it’s not worth it for the damage it is doing to your mental health. This exact thing happened to my oldest son who was nearly a straight A student in HS. He ended up taking a semester off and transferring to a less competitive college OOS and the slower pace really helped him. He graduated one year late but was able to get a very good job in Computer Science as a programmer. Your parents will of course be disappointed but they love you and they want what’s best for you. I know this feels like the end of the world right now but you (and your parents) will get through it!
I just wanted to thank everyone here for all of your replies. I didn’t expect to get a single positive reply or suggestion to be honest. Anyways, I managed to tell my parents the truth and they were obviously disappointed but also very supportive since they’ve seen me studying and putting in the work everyday. I’m still unsure of the main reason of what happened but it might’ve been a mix of mental health challenges and the pressure I put on myself. We’ve worked out a plan, and I’m going to take a few classes at a community college for this semester and transfer back to my university. Thank you all for your kind words and support. It really means a lot!
That sounds like a great outcome from a difficult situation. Kudos to both you and your supportive parents. I hope things work out for the best.
I’m so glad this worked out well.
Just make sure you have fully withdrawn from both classes and housing. You don’t want your family hit with that bill this term.
Remember…college is a journey…not a race.
Good luck with your next chapter (sample of one….my DH went to undergrad school on the 12 year plan, but ended up having a very successful professional career).
Good luck to you!!! Proud of you! Sounds like you have some amazing parents.