To Whom it May Concern
Sometimes in life I feel like I’ve gotten too many chances, as I write this letter I can’t help but feel that way. Once again in my life I find myself at the whelm of someone else and the faith of my future in someone else’s hand. I have no one else to blame but myself, because my situation is as a result of my actions. All I could do now is recognize my mistakes and use it as a learning moment and evolve into a better person. My academic short comings the previous semester was not due to a lack of intelligence but from a lack of self awareness. I failed to recognize that I had an emotional problem and to reach out for extra help in all my subjects. I didn’t utilize the wellness center and well as the tutoring services as I should have. I also failed to meet with my advisor Paul on regular basis to discuss the many issues I was facing at home as well as in school. Throughout my educational career I’ve always had a counselor to talk to about my issues but going into college I saw myself as an “adult” and felt I no longer needed counseling. The fall semester I made a lot of mistakes especially in the scheduling of my classes, I took on to many early classes for a commuter student which caused me to miss a lot of classes and miss out on a lot of useful information which led to the diminishing of my grades. In order to improve my grades and to show my commitment and dedication to improving this upcoming semester if I am granted a chance to continue to be a part of the Purchase college community I will attend tutoring at the Einstein corner regularly, utilize office hours to discuss materials I don’t understand, put my educational needs over family issues.
“Once again in my life I find myself at the whelm of someone else and the faith of my future in someone else’s hand.”
What on earth does this mean? And don’t you contradict yourself in the next sentences by saying YOU’RE (and not someone else) responsible?
Advice:
Short, declarative sentences. Paragraphs. No run-on sentences.
Get rid of the self-pity and the excuses.
Take responsibility.
Say you’ve learned from your actions and inactions.
Tell the university SPECIFIC STEPS you will take to improve your grades. (Tutoring, counseling, refocusing)
Thank the committee for taking time to read your letter.
This is not creative writing. Get rid of the first two sentences.
Can you get a friend to help you edit it. If I was on the committee, I would be concerned about your langauage skills and related ability to be successful in college. 1) agree with first two sentences being out of place. Start with what you want and follow with why they should comply. ‘’ am writing today to ask for your approval to remain a student at…". 2) match your subjects and verbs properly. Shortcomings WERE not, all I can do now, mistakes…use THEM as, 3) commas are your friend. If they do not allow you back in, ask specifically what you need to do to be re-instated. Go to community college. Take a good writing class and get great grades. Re-apply.
Whelm? You mean whim?
Whelm is a perfectly good word but archaic – surviving mainly in the “overwhelmed” formulation. Don’t use it.