<p>So, my S was accepted ED to his first choice school. We are all very happy and relieved and had a great Christmas without applications hanging over his head. In last few weeks, though, coming on his 18th birthday, he is increasingly “put upon” by our continued parenting: whether it’s reminding him of no drinking policy on New Years (which he did not abide by and was consequently grounded for), or haranguing him about getting to bed on time, or asking him if his HW is done before he plays a video game, etc. Response from him in these instances ranges from sullen to rude. At other times, he is perfectly pleasant. We’ve made clear to him that while we respect his growing independence, we will continue to parent him in best way we know how. Are any other parents of seniors experiencing a home version of senioritis? What has worked best for you?</p>
<p>Hugs, sympathy and good luck! I don’t know the answer. Nothing much worked for us. Been there twice…not good. S1 got into a HYP school EA. So, we had your aforementioned behaviors, plus some bad senioritis. Unfortunately, this was not his #1 school, so there was also a very long wait until April 1 decisions. He did get in at his #1 choice, but it was a l-o-n-g spring.</p>
<p>The summer after graduation was even worse. Three years later, the memories are still vivid…reading the cc threads on this helped me a lot. At least I knew it wasn’t just me!</p>
<p>Fall semester beginning was rough too, but very thankfully, by Thanksgiving things started to improve and kept doing so throughout the school year. Other threads tell me this is fairly typical. Summer after freshman year was good. Now he’s a jr., 21 and usually helpful, respectful, hard-working and pleasant.</p>
<p>S2 still in progress. He decided not to wait on senioritis, but to jump right in with junioritis. Freshman fall semester has not gone well.</p>
<p>D1, at 13, really is still a delight most of the time. I know what’s coming though…:(</p>
<p>Try to look on the bright side: It’s all part of his growing up. </p>
<p>Might he read a serious e-mail addressing his behavior if you kept it short and sweet? Sometimes other ways of communicating can open their eyes.</p>
<p>BTW, this reminds me of the bumper sticker: “Quick, hire a teenager while he still knows everything!!”</p>
<p>Yes, it’s annoying, but pretty much inevitable. “Fouling the nest,” some folks call it - it will probably continue, and worsen, until the idea of him going off to school isn’t unbearable at all. :)</p>
<p>I think this stage of your life together is an opportunity for you to re-define parenting. You mention haranguing him to go to bed, while he’s probably thinking “I just got into college and they’re still telling me when it’s bedtime?” To me, it’s reasonable to require him not to disturb others if he’s up late, but I’d leave the bedtime itself entirely up to him. He’ll be choosing his own bedtime (or possibly deciding to go without one entirely) in just a few months. If he finds out that he really needs 6 hours a night before freshman year starts, not just that Mom and Dad think he needs that much, he’ll be ahead of the game. </p>
<p>YMMV on the video games/homework issue - some kids really do seem to need that firm hand when it comes to gaming. But he’ll be choosing when, and whether, to do his hw once he’s in college; if he gets to make that choice now, he might make a more mature decision once he’s entirely on his own. He knows about the possibility of having an acceptance rescinded in case of an academic downturn, I suppose?</p>
<p>I guess I’m suggesting to pick your battles in these last few months - it’s a tough enough time even if you do. I completely support you on the NYE drinking policy, and wouldn’t back away from those kinds of rules. But I’d cede more and more responsibility for decision-making to the kid.</p>
<p>Congrats on the ED acceptance! :)</p>
<p>Will think about writing him an e-mail, though I’m not sure a different medium will necessarily help him understand the message any better. Sent DH up to have a few words with him (since S mostly seems to be reacting this way to me) about what is and isn’t acceptable. Will see how that goes, though not terribly hopeful. (Update: DH just descended…not much progress.) Suppose a psychologist might say it’s S’s way of pulling away from home and all its safety nets but his attitude really drives me crazy, esp b/c I think what a rotten way to end the time in his life when he lives at home full-time. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh…</p>
<p>frazzled, your response came in as I was typing mine…Good advice: will pick battles, as when he was two. Part of problem is that he thinks we should not even have a say on his drinking since soon he’ll be on his own. But we are sticking to our guns on that one. He’s a great kid, but truly exasperating at this point.</p>
<p>Agree pick your battles. First off: drinking on NYE at that age…non negotiable. Grounding totally appropriate.
Asking about homework vs. video games…I wouldn’t go there. Getting to bed on time:as long as he isn’t keeping you up I would ignore it. </p>
<p>Yeah, it is their way of pulling away (BTDT been there done that). But sit him down with both parents and tell him exactly what is non negotiable and what the consequences are. I know it sounds sexist but I’ve found with boys that Dad having a firm command helps. In my house the other non negotiable was mouthing off to Mom…my DH just won’t put up with it. The lecture started with " you will NOT talk to my wife that way." LOL></p>
<p>Pick your battles. No underage drinking-ok, your house, your rules. Reminder of bedtime-don’t. Homework police-no. IMHO.</p>
<p>Congrats to your son! What a lucky guy. </p>
<p>Senioritis. Happens to the best of 'em. He’ll come around eventually. When’s eventually? Probably a few years, given he’s a guy ;)</p>
<p>I agree about picking your battles. When I was a senior I found that my parents would strangely pick the wrong battles occasionally. It would really cause problems. Eventually we came to some agreements and it was smooth sailing from there.</p>
<p>Suggestion: if S gets so upset about whatever rules you want to enforce, you could try asking him why he thinks they’re so unreasonable. Perhaps there’s some underlying reason there that you and your hubby are missing, and a slight adjustment on the rules could make everyone happy. Maybe he doesn’t want to go to bed at bedtime because he’s not tired yet, so a good compromise would be to just be quiet when you and hubby are going to bed. Maybe he worked hard in classes for the past few years and now has the luxury of taking it a little easier (read: doesn’t have to spend so many hours doing his homework diligently because adequately will suffice) so he’d rather hang out with friends he’s leaving soon instead of spend hours checking calculus problems. Who knows, but it might be worth asking him. Don’t know what to say about the drinking issue (besides echoing “your house, your rules” which makes sense)</p>
<p>Looks like learning to compromise on both sides is the way to go. And for what it’s worth, I’m sure he’ll miss his mommy come September :)</p>
<p>Son is now on his first long college break, and I read your post with a shudder. He did NOT have an EA in hand, so on top of what you’re struggling with, we had applications and the stress that goes along with that.</p>
<p>When friends asked if I was going to be okay when he went off to college, I could very confidently say YES! It’s nature’s way, and if there is anything I wish I could redo in the last few parenting years, it would be to back waaaaay off the senior year. </p>
<p>Best of luck, and enjoy the EA and the few times the boy is pleasant!</p>
<p>I certainly agree with Kristin in post #9.</p>
<p>In addition, you might try a little bit of reverse psychology…Start treating him like the adults he thinks he is…ask him what rules he would like to see changed, and why…negotiate, and be sure to let him win some of the argued points.</p>
<p>And then start treating him like an adult…Son, adults all deal with household responsibilities without being asked or reminded. These items will be your adult share of the chores… Son, adults who take the car out at night make sure it has a full gas tank for the next morning…and of course, Son, adults are responsible to do their jobs consistently and to the best of their ability. Right now your job is school. As parents/employers, these are the standards of performance that are required to remain in good standing…Kid doesn’t need to get a 4.0 at home but it gives them the idea.</p>
<p>My youngest is a college freshman now and we went through this with all 3 of our boys. Various versions of this strategy worked for us. Sometimes letting them have what they think they want is the most just punishment for fouling the nest behavior!</p>
<p>This is a very common thing, and a common theme here. It certainly helps to know that others have the same problem. I still vividly remember wondering during those last months what would happen first: My son leaving for college or me throwing him out of the house!</p>
<p>I think is normal for HS students turning 18 to flex their, “I am an adult” muscle. You have the right and certainly should flex back. Each of our older boys have all played, the “I am 18 and you can’t tell me what to do” card. The reply is always the same. I stick my hand out, and say, “fine, hand me your debit card and your car keys. Get a job, buy a car and earn your own money. You are an adult now.” When you get the big eyes, it is the perfect opportunity to let them know that you never want to hear that crap again. Never let them confuse being of age to being an adult.</p>
<p>It is pretty common. I read it here on CC first(fouling the nest) and I had to deal with it the second semester of senior year. Glad to know that I did not overreact when it happened. Sophomore year and she is back to being the person we knew before senior year. In fact, she is getting more mature each day, prepping for real job interviews and it made me realized how she is all grown up. This is the last year she will be in her teen. So this too shall pass with your son.</p>
<p>I just wish I had your woes: senioritis, with an acceptance! We only have girlfriend-itis senioritis, but without the acceptance. You are sooo lucky! It’s driving me crazy when deadlines keep getting passed. I just hope that these late papers and recommendation forms won’t make a difference because April is too long to wait.</p>
<p>I wonder if girls are easier in this regard…otoh, home or otherwise with parents was the <em>only</em> place she was allowed to drink and that was the wine-with-dinner kind of thing. Trained her to like good wine, no frat boy was going to ply her with Boone’s Farm. Contra that, she had no alcohol “issues” whatsoever when she went away to college though the pair of drinks she bought on her 21st birthday would make me shudder if I remembered what the combo was.</p>
<p>Fortunately, she had good work habits and never slacked off in class, even though, to quote Jeremy in “Zits,” she was “so over high school.” Actually, I think she was “over” high school by 10th grade but sucked it up because she knew there really was no other viable option…she wasn’t going to college at 15.</p>
<p>
Ha ha - love it! I hadn’t heard this term before but it is completely appropriate.</p>
<p>We didn’t have this problem with S1, but S2 must be precocious because the problems with him started back in junior year & have gotten worse during senior year. I know that more battles lie ahead re: senioritis, prom, and beach week (see [thread]817489[/thread]). I like collegeshopping’s response in #13:
Must borrow that line with S2! I’m already ready to kick him out of the nest that he has been fouling.</p>
<p>"I stick my hand out, and say, ‘fine, hand me your debit card and your car keys.’ "</p>
<p>I have used almost those same words with the same hand gesture. Great minds you know…</p>