I was accepted at Deerfield, Milton and several other top tier schools (that I will not mention because those two are the ones I’m torn between), and waitlisted at Exeter, Andover, SPS, Lawrenceville, and a few more.
Initially, my first choices were exeter and andover - and I was extremely disheartened to learn that I had been waitlisted, which I assume is a soft rejection. However after extensive research I found that Deerfield is quite a good fit for me. I would still like to test my chanes of getting off the waitlist and being admitted into E & A. Any thoughts or advice on what I should do? Stick to deerfield now or wait around for exeter and andover?
All opinions are extremely welcomed and appreciated!!
I’m planning to make a deposit on either deerfield or milton, but I feel like people around me are putting too much pressure on the chances of me getting into exeter and andover. In that case, getting off the E/A waitlist is an extremely slim chance and I don’t know if i should keep my hopes up…
“However after extensive research I found that Deerfield is quite a good fit for me.”
Not to put too fine a point on it, but wasn’t the time for extensive research BEFORE you applied to the school?
Why would you apply to any school if you weren’t confident that you would be happy being a student there? You do realize, of course, that the schools on your list are among the most selective…so your chances of being admitted to even one — much less two — were fairly low. Can you articulate what makes Exeter and Andover more appealing to you than Deerfield or Milton?
And who are these “people around you” who are putting pressure? Are they aware of how rare it is to come off a waitlist at either Exeter or Andover?
Sorry if that phrase came off differently than I had intended. What I meant to say was that originally, I had done research on more general things. After I received my decisions, I read more forum posts and reviews that were specifically catered to deerfield life
My visit to Exeter and Andover had left the best impressions on me. I had visited once when I was 10 for my sister’s interview, and another last year for my own! The facilities there were especially perfect for my interests above all, such as in science. Deerfield, I feel has great science facilities now. I do admit I was quite blinded by E&A’s reputation.
My parents are quite disappointed that I had not been admitted into exeter and Andover and they take the wait list as rejection, though they keep pushing on my acceptance chances. I don’t quite know what to do, I feel like pushing on my chances are as good as being in denial of this reality.
Thanks for clarifying and for your honesty that you were “quite blinded by E&A’s reputation”.
Don’t get me wrong, I think that both E&A ARE great schools…otherwise they wouldn’t have the reputations they have. However, I believe that far too many people are similarly blinded — to the exclusion of considering other suitable schools.
Regarding facilities…I would not put too much emphasis on the facilities. Last time I checked, a facility couldn’t run a Harkness class, nor counsel a student on an issue. And generally speaking, most people don’t reflect on their high school experience and say “My favorite memory was of sitting in the science building.”…it will more likely be about favorite teachers, friends made, and experiences had.
The prevailing wisdom on this forum is to “love the school that loves you”. There are hundreds of kids across the country who right now would do anything to have the choices you do. I vote to visit both Milton and Deerfield and then commit to one of them without looking back at “what might have been” at E/A.
BTW, did your sister attend either of those schools? Did your parents? Wondering what makes the affinity so strong?
I don’t like to look at things the following way as it ignores many things including fit, but perhaps this perspective will help with your parents…
If your parents are into status and ranking, Deerfield is nothing to sneeze at and of the highest quality. If I were doing a forced ranking, I would place Deerfield as the #5 boarding school and certainly tier 1, meaning it is a peer of Exeter & Andover which are marginally better. I’m thinking of tier 1 as top 7 or so, and Milton is there too. Your parents might also think that A & E are tied for #1, but others in the know would and do argue Groton can be considered just as good or better in some ways.
Would you risk your acceptance at a tier 1 school for the highly unlikely event of coming off waitlists?
Thank you for your input! It helped me see this is a better light. I do agree that the experiences account for far more than the physical attributes!
I wish I could visit both schools but revisit days clash with my school days and I live 30 hours by plane away.
My sister was wait listed at the same Schools but got into a top tier school as well. My parents had very high expectations for me as I had much higher grades, EC’s and an almost perfect SSAT.
I agree it’s quite risky! I’ve tried to explain the same thing to them but they’re being quite persistent. In all honesty, they’re shaming me for getting wait listed. It’s disheartening on my part.
I’m sorry your parents are shaming you for your waitlisted schools. It sounds like you had fantastic results from the application process. If it makes you feel better, consider that your parents had a role to play in your boarding school acceptances, both in the parent interview and (aat least in Exeter’s case) in the parent essay. The line between acceptance and waitlist is a fine one, and it may not have been all about you.
I suspect you’re not going to be able to change your parents’ perspective, but the fact is that Deerfield and MIlton are every bit as elite, respected, and all-around great as Exeter and Andover. They are all different places, yes, but attempting to order them in terms of which is best is a futile (and in my mind, silly) exercise. If your parents are willing to keep you on the waitlists while putting down a deposit for Deerfield/Milton, then I suggest you just go with the flow, and quietly set your mind on whichever school you choose, letting them pine away for E and A on their own. If they make you feel bad, just do what my kids do when I’m driving them crazy: tell 'em you have homework to do, go to your room, and shut the door. Or go for a run. Or meet up with some friends and have a good time griping about what pains parents can be.
Thank you so much for your support and kind words! I wish it were that easy but I live in a typical tiger-parent household! I have six months left to endure of this exeter andover wait list situation!
With that being said I was wondering if anyone could give me a better insight on what deerfield life is like? Is it competitive or more familial?
I agree with the other posters that you should “love the school that loves you”, however, from a practical advice standpoint, here is an option, and one that people do follow, even if I don’t agree with it.
Go to revisits for the schools that accepted you.
Of the accepted schools, pick your favorite and put down a deposit.
In the meantime, for the waitlisted schools that you are still interested in, reach out to the schools and let them know that you wish to stay on their waitlist - show your love.
Stop thinking about it and start loving the school you deposited at. If a waitlist school contacts you, prepare to lose the deposit you put down at the other school.
1805 - I would advocate for Deerfield and move on. Deerfield offers an exceptional education second to none and, if your heart was truly invested in E/A, I think it is more similar to these schools in terms of culture and academic approach compared to Milton (one poster’s opinion).
Parents - Let them know that you are on the E/A waitlist, but you are excited about the Deerfield option. What more can they ask of you. Let them know that you’ll work hard in that environment and be successful there. Let them know that you will be happy there. That is really all they care about anyway.
One thing that stood out to me about Deerfield when we went to revisits several years ago was how happy the students seemed. Of all the schools we visited, its students seemed the happiest. That says a lot about the school.
You still have time to wait for the WLs - deposits aren’t due just yet. Tell A/E that you are still very interested, and would take the spot if offered. If that doesn’t work within the contract deadline, accept either Deerfield or Milton (FYI in some circles, Deerfield is arguably more prestigious than A/E). Remain on the A/E waitlists over the summer if your parents want & are willing to lose the deposit at another school.
Love the school that loves you, and in this case, if the school is one as good as Deerfield, then it shouldn’t be a debate. If anything you should be deciding between Deerfield and Milton, not even looking at the WL schools.
@doschicos - thank you for that! I do agree that for now it’s the most practical and realistic thing to do. I can’t expect my parents to drop the waitlist anytime soon, though I feel strongly about my compatibility with deerfield! I had been accepted at taft as well, and even received a handwritten note from my interviewer as well as the head of school, but I feel deerfield appeals to my interests more.
And yes! Happiness is so important. Thinking ahead I’ve read about the sky high depression rates at exeter and I would not like to look back at my high school years with such negativity. Deerfield has such emphasis on its familial environment. It’s great!
@heartburner I agree! DA is very similar to E&A! I have informed them that I am willing to stay on the waitlist. I assure you I am aware that the chances of getting off the WL is extremely slim, and with my research on DA falling in love with it more than I had before
