<p>Before leaving home, aside from school work, decent knowledge of music, and how to treat others, my husband’s rules for the girls were they had to know how to clean, cook for the family, do laundry, sew a seam or a button on (minor repairs), fish and crab, clean said catch of the day, change a tire, check the fluids, change the oil, keep up with maintenance, balance a checkbook, and some basic safety and self defense. There are some other things…but they left here with that stuff. But it really wasn’t a big deal. It was just involving them in the things we did on a daily basis. I am sure that’s what most folks here are talking about…training your kids about the activities that the family has special value for.</p>
<p>I made DS learn to cook, clean, balance a checkbook, change tires and oil, etc. He told me this year that he will happily live in his fraternity house all four years. While he still has to clean there, he is not excited by cooking for himself or being responsible for all the cleaning, shopping, organizing, etc. I guess I must be glad that he knows how to do thee things, even though the desire is lacking. I think a refresher course (and plenty of cookbooks) will be part of the graduation presents in a couple of years.</p>
<p>What’s so great about cooking and cleaning?! I come from a working class background, and I had to help clean the house and do laundry when my mom went to work. </p>
<p>The kitchen however was off limits, and I did not really know how to cook. In college I did not like eating in the dining halls as much as the meal plan provided, so I began to “cook”. I never became much of a cook, and I still don’t really like it that much.</p>
<p>I think it takes a lot of time to shop and prepare and clean up after meals. Time is often short in college, and this can add pressure to a full schedule. If a bunch of kids share the task and it is only once a week for cooking, well maybe that is ok. Otherwise, I suppose sandwiches, soup, eggs, spaghetti and other fast items are on the menu. Some people prefer to cook for themselves, and if they do, that’s great, but if you don’t enjoy cooking, it is really a drag.</p>
<p>My own H almost never cooks. Our running joke is that he makes dinner once every seven years. He front end loaded in the beginning, and now I am sure that he is behind. When he was single, he had frozen dinners, take out, and dinners out. I think my D will take after him.</p>
<p>The good part about an apartment in college is the added space - common area or living room, and availability of kitchen for breakfast and if you want to cook. </p>
<p>In grad school, when I had an apartment, we cooked things like hamburger, a piece of chicken, eggs, and pasta. We went out for pizza, chinese food and few other things at the local places quite a bit too, as it was a chance to socialize a bit. When I was single and working, I would make a baked potato and cottage cheese for dinner, and went out a lot to socialize.</p>
<p>In college I lived in group houses. Each person was responsible for dinner one weekday night. We were vegetarian, and on limited incomes. The food was wonderful, the positive feed back was heartwarming, and eating brought us together for ‘family meals’ every evening during the week. Weekends were for leftovers, if home. That is partially how I learned to cook. </p>
<p>I still think cooking a nice meal one day a week is about right.</p>
<p>Do people still change their own oil nowadays? I know how to check my oil level and fill it, but I would never consider changing it on my own and I don’t know how. Doesn’t one need to access the underside of the engine? Not to mention that used motor oil is a hazardous waste that must be disposed of at special locations here in CA. Seems like it is a skill better left to the professionals.</p>
<p>I know some guys that change their own oil. Then again they’re the ones who built their car up from scratch…</p>
<p>I don’t know how to change my oil, but I at least know that it needs to be changed! :p</p>
<p>I like knowing “how to” do things, even if I never actually do them. It has kept me from getting bad service at times.</p>
<p>For example, I know “how to” put down a tile floor and install a toilet, even though I don’t have the physical ability to do it. So when an installer insisted something was done right, I was able to insist right back that it wasn’t right, and he corrected the “mistake”.</p>
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<p>I think maybe part of it is being a eat-to-live person versus a live-to-eat person. My favorite weekday dinners are where I know there are leftovers and I just have to microwave my own plate. Now that the kids are gone, I might just grab some Greek yogurt and some fruit and be done with the whole thing. </p>
<p>I also think that that “togetherness” - which I agree is important – is even more easily achieved in a college cafeteria / dorm setting. I have fond memories of eating dinner with my friends, including my now-husband as we went through that phase of moving from friends to more-than-friends. I think that cooking together and eating together are two very different things; personally, I value the second but not the first.</p>
<p>I asked about the oil change because several people on this thread said that changing oil was something they expect their children or all adults to know how to do. Do those posters change their oil themselves? Did you have your kids do it at home? I’m just curious because we never thought to do it and it seems so impractical.</p>
<p>We don’t change our own oil nor would I expect my kids to learn how. As for fishing and crabbing - my H and S do go on a fishing trip each year, but it’s not because of any desire to have S develop that skill - it’s just a fun way for them to get away. Clean the catch of the day? The lodge can do that.</p>
<p>Yes, or the restaurant where you bring the fish to have it cooked for you.</p>
<p>I have no idea, with the waste removal laws, who on earth would change their own oil, today. It’s difficult enough to find a place to take the old batteries and “new” lightbulbs.</p>
<p>I was so glad when the electric company started to take old refrigerators and whatnot.</p>
<p>Seems like more trouble than it could possibly be worth. Two words: Jiffy Lube.</p>
<p>Our kids were required to do at least one load of laundry a week, wash dishes twice a week and fix their own breakfast and lunch. We set up a lunch account at school which would cover about half their lunch costs, the rest they had to prepare themselves. Granted preparing lunch usually meant leftovers, sandwiches, or something they would concoct. As for cooking, they were pretty good. We occasionally would leave them the dinner menu with the recipe book needed and page numbers. (We do weekly meal plans) Most of the time the food was great, occasionally an ingredient was missed or a direction not followed. For my D living in a college dorm is probably easier from a homemaking standpoint than living at home. I guess we were pretty cruel parents as we made them learn how to drive on a manual transmission vehicle. I think out of all of her HS friends only 1 other one knew how to drive a stick shift. Whether or not the kids are ready to be independent home makers is up for debate but I think home is where they are going to learn the skills.</p>
<p>I guess when I think of life skills, I think more along the lines of learning to cope with all kinds of “people situations” rather than specific tasks such as cooking and cleaning. My kids could all cope with cooking, laundry and cleaning by the time they left for school, however I was never very organized about assigning duties or chore charts. They just all chipped in when I needed it. Some cooked more than others- my youngest moved into school early for a sport- they all lived in on-campus apartments as their dorms were not ready yet, and the dining halls were not open yet. A bunch of the boys got together and cooked most nights. I laughed when I found out they made spaghetti every time. S couldn’t figure out why I thought that was funny. </p>
<p>When my oldest son lived in an apartment, we stopped for gas on the way to see him and I jokingly told my H I would probably be better off using the gas station rest room than the one at the apartment. Unfortunately I was right- it was disgusting. It was his first apartment, and was in San Diego. Kids from our area were going down every weekend to hang out and there were often 8 kids there all weekend. He had to learn how to say no and to clamp down on guests since the place was a mess and he was having to leave to study. It was a good “learning” sitution for him and he eventually figured it all out. </p>
<p>What I really think is more important about moving away for school is acquiring the skills in dealing with people. It can be very challenging to deal with difficult roommates, learn how to deal with utilities, shopping, car problems, etc. Our neighbor went to school locally and has always lived at home. She is getting married soon and will go straight from her parent’s home to being married- she has never even shared a bedroom! We all feel sorry for her, but since she has never experienced the independence that my kids have, I don’t think she would even understand why we feel sorry for her. I am not saying it can’t be done, but I would think she may have a very difficult adjustment period!</p>
<p>and now they will end up driving cars that drive themselves in the not too distant future.</p>
<p>I wonder, when that happens, how car insurers will “assign” blame. Your automatic car is at fault! :eek:</p>
<p>Both our kids learned stick. But, that’s just because they wanted to be allowed to drive some of my husband’s cars. Most kids would learn stick to drive his cars.</p>
<p>I got my first car for HS graduation in 1980. When I asked my dad about learning how to change a tire, he kind of patted me on the head and said “Oh, honey, you’ll never be anyplace where you’ll have to change a tire.” This was pretty much his attitude with any life skill and I struggled a lot as a young adult to learn things other kids were taught as a matter of course.
ETA: The car mentioned above was a stick and it took me about a week to learn to drive it. It’s becoming a lost art. S1 drove a stick in HS and knew of maybe two other kids who could drive one.</p>
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This was pretty much the norm when I was in college, and it’s still common in our area where kids tend to marry young.</p>
<p>@Poetgirl:</p>
<p>I guess you could truly argue “it was unintended acceleration”:)</p>
<p>When did driving a manual transmission become something to be avoided, or something a kid has to be “made” to learn? They are becoming rarer, true, but they’re not difficult to learn or onerous to drive. </p>
<p>One of my kids has an interest in cooking, the other doesn’t. I personally have no interest in cooking but I make about half the dinners at our house. If you want me to cook you will get plain, unadorned food. Chicken, a salad, maybe a baguette. My husband is the one who will try new recipes, make a sauce to go with whatever he’s cooking, orchestrate it such that everything is ready at the same time. </p>
<p>My daughter decided to do her own laundry in high school which was really a pain in the neck since she either had her clothes in the washer when I wanted to use it, or wanted me to get my stuff out of the dryer so she could use it. It was easier when I did all the laundry myself. </p>
<p>She’s married now and they both seem to be able to run the house and keep themselves clothed and fed. I do think we (her parents) were helpful in shedding light on financial stuff, as in Debt is Pretty Much a Bad Thing and Fund Your IRA/401k.</p>
<p>We change our own oil and safely dispose the used oil. DH was a motorcycle mechanic and just can’t abide paying for someone to do something so easy. DS will probably pay, but he knows to check fluids at the very least. He has changed several tires (not all his own) since he got to college. He also knows how to use all the tools in the toolbox we gave him, so he is considered handy in his house.</p>
<p>Both my girls are oddly handy. It may be genetic. They can fix pretty much anything. </p>
<p>My relatives going back to the dawn of time were carpenters. Lol</p>
<p>In the end, this skill set has turned out to be pretty valuable and seems to translate to computers, as well. </p>
<p>The biggest thing in being able to fix things is not to fear you will break them worse in the process.</p>