<p>umm…my point was that even at PSU (#47 for those that care) a 1560/1600 and 4.0+ average was not enough for most students to get a full ride and that there were only 10 available in the science college. I am trying to give LB a realistic look at what he is striving for and the low percentage of excellent students obtaining it. Maybe if he sees enough data/facts he will reconsider what he sees as a good result.</p>
<p>We hear so often on these boards from students whose parents are immigrants. We know the struggles they face growing up as regular “American” kids with the high expectations of parents from a different culture. I find it very educational to get a glimpse into the thought process of one of these parents.</p>
<p>LB believes his role as a father is to make certain his daughter does everything she possibly can to get into the best schools with the best package possible. </p>
<p>We can continue to bang our heads against the wall saying the same stuff over and over in hopes of changing his core beliefs or we can accept that he has a different role than what we choose with our children. To help LB he needs to see facts…such as in the “actual results” threads the kids post to understand that what he may want may well not be what he gets no matter how hard his daughter works and how absolutely great a kid she really is.</p>
<p>I don’t know, maybe I’m nuts, but I think we can “help” here.</p>
<p>crosspost with LB…oh well.</p>
<p>and, oh yeah, my kid does go to PSU and I’d put him up against anybody’s little darling but that’s just me. Ugh…Why do I even stick around?</p>
<p>Sax -
He’s probably not from Pennsylvania and is not aware of the offerings of PSU and what a good school PSU is. I grew up in New Jersey and I have to admit that I did not know anything about PSU and had absolutely no opinion of it until I moved to PA as an adult!</p>
<p>LB, I was assuming from what you’ve said in the past that it’s P or its equal or bust, so I apologize if I had that wrong. Full ride merit scholarships to top 30 schools or even merit scholarships that will allow you to match in state tuition are indeed pretty rare (not nonexistent) but it’s certainly possible that you will find a merit offer that you can live with. I know many other parents, even affluent ones, who feel much as you do - that they are only willing to spend over and above the cost of in state tuition to state university for a certain perceived value of a place. That is certainly your right, since it’s your money and not an unusual priority. </p>
<p>As far as taking the SATs or the ACTs too many times - I don’t think your D has crossed that line with either test at this point and I wouldn’t worry about that end of it. If she wants to take the ACTs again, she can decide to send or not send the score in later, as others have mentioned.</p>
<p>Ok, my last post on this thread too. :o However, I couldn’t resist.
I agree that if my daughter returned from a vacation, I would definitely tell her that I love her and missed her terribly while she was gone. The subject of test scores would be the last thing on my mind. (and hopefully hers too.) I would ask about her adventures, what she did, and mostly did she have fun? I might even ask her if she <em>gasp</em> met any cute boys. ;)</p>
<p>I certainly wouldn’t ask her what she did during her vacation to enhance her application to compensate for her bad test scores! :rolleyes:</p>
<p>LB, this is my last post as well…but if you are angry about the responses you got, you need to realize that we all want you and your D to have a good relationship, and being a parent who expects perfection, is putting a huge amount of his own desires onto his daughter’s life, and is so totally focused on being the “best”, many of us are saying that having that kind of approach to parenting is not healthly, and can often hurt that bond</p>
<p>You say your D wants to be the best, well, maybe she does, but if she doesn’t want to always be perfect at everything, who cares</p>
<p>And even in your last post you talked about 8 of the 10 schools being in the top 30</p>
<p>Why in the WORLD does that matter, except in your very small and skewed sample of acquaintences…one more indication that presitige is more important than match</p>
<p>Good luck, I have a feeling that your D is going to need it…my gut tells me that no matter what she does, it will never be good enough, and she will feel like she failed her Daddy…</p>
<p>And when you say you will make sure it is 100% her call, um, how are you going to do that when you always come across as wanting perfection, when your expecations are so high, she of course will want to appease you, because anything less is “bad” in your eyes</p>
<p>Well I may be alone, but I found LBs last post quite reasonable. My son’s list had 8 of 10 in the top 30 by USNWR. He got into all of them, but didn’t get much merit aid from many of those 8. That’s where it might benefit him to look farther afield.</p>
<p>Bethie - I think the difference (real or perceived) as far as LB is that your son didn’t choose the schools BASED on their ranking in USNWR. In fact, I believe I saw that you posted recently on another thread that you and your son didn’t consult these rankings in finding schools of interest to him. There is a (real or perceived) impression by many posters that LB is obsessed with rankings and prestige, and is judging schools based on their prestige (e.g. ranking), not based on what they offer or whether his daughter would thrive there.</p>
<p>No matter how anyone says it, the posters are trying to help you. In addition to the re-take question, posters are trying to help you understand admissions beyond the numbers. I think the problems you are running into is that despite some moderation in the content of your queries, you are still behaving as if you are not hearing the significant experience of many posters.</p>
<p>Some time ago, Sybbie posted [post=3442086]this fantastic list of threads[/post] that spells out the difficulty of admissions. That post of Sybbie’s linked you to one of my favorites by interesteddad in [thread=116204]Just How Hard Admission Can Be[/thread]:</p>
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<p>At the time you acknowledged her post, and we can only presume that you read and learned something. So now it seems disingenuous to keep asking about the numbers or feigning ignorance of the process. You’ve been a member on these boards for a very long time. Surely you can understand where the poster frustration comes from. They don’t want their kind advice to be squandered on prestige gaming and “Ivy or bust” entitlement. </p>
<p>What’s more, they certainly don’t want your daughter to be another statistic. Trust me on this, I live in the Bay Area of Northern CA. It is disheartening to learn of the high stat students with all the credentials who don’t get in to their ‘dream’ schools because they failed to distinguish themselves beyond their numbers. </p>
<p>Help your daughter learn to research schools and programs to create a solid list and focus her apps. Help your daughter tell her personal story in her essays–in her own voice from her inner reflection. That is what parents are trying to help you understand. It’s not ill-will. Many parents sincerely want to help on these boards and wish good luck to your daughter.</p>
<p>I tried to pm you with suggestions, but I guess you have that blocked. I wanted to suggest a top school that has given decent merit aid to my son. I think your daughter will have similar qualifications to my son. I’ll just go ahead and suggest it on here. Grinnell is a top school that gives merit money because it has a huge endowment and because it’s in Iowa and needs to “sweeten the pot” to get top students there. I believe your daughter would have URM status there that she wouldn’t have in other parts of the country. With their merit award and NMS award, half of son’s tuition will be covered every year. It’s not a full ride, but it’s a significant discount at an academically rigorous school that has superb facilities and resources, encourages and provides stipends for research and internships, has a campus in London and one in DC and a gorgeous new student center, athletics facility and science building. This school is one of the tops in sending kids on to graduate and professional programs. Just food for thought. We do care about your daughter and I happen to care about you too.</p>
<p>And you’re right Mo2, my son picked by fit, not by USNWR rankings. And even though 8 of 10 are top 30 by that list, they are probably some of the less recognizable of the “top” schools here on the East coast.</p>
<p>To everyone- laserbrother does not or can’t receive private messages; I just tried. He continues to complain about his daughter whenever she isn’t perfect and does not seem to take any advice to heart. I should give up trying to help him, he won’t listen to advice previously given.</p>
<p>Is this for real?
I can’t imagine it is. Laserbro, you have GOT to be making this stuff up. Fess up, you’re on here trying to play the asian-over-the-top-dad, right???</p>
<p>going to whatever twisted idea you have of a top school isn’t going to assure you’re daughter a high paying job. nor does having “perfect stats” guarantee admission to said schools.</p>
<p>i can say this as a recent high school grad(who by your standards should be in all regular classes) who is entering college in around a week:
if i were you’re daughter i would never talk to you about anything for any reason for fear of not living up to you’re non-realistic expectations
but i’m going to UF, so i’m a failure at life…[/tongue-in-cheek]</p>
<p>doubleplay, that occurred to me as well, but sadly I think this guy is for real. He has stuck with it too long. ■■■■■■ tire easily (I think it is their small stature). Over the top Asian parents do not- they are Energizer bunnyish.</p>
<p>I have to vent- unlike my self-contained immigrant Asian husband. Needed to state what everyone knows, not all Asian immigrants, while intense about high education expectations, obsess like this guy. Yes, my H is disappointed that gifted son did not get into MIT with perfect SAT’s, almost perfect ACT’s, but less than perfect grades, although still very high, because boys don’t always try for them… We are not as materialistic and did not feel we had to have every latest-greatest toy, even those we can afford. I pity poor LB’s D- she has a very controlling father who will dictate that she go to the cheapest college he finds acceptable, not the one which is a best fit for her, even if he has to give up getting expensive toys. It is never WE, no matter how close a family, the children need to grow up and have their own wills and identities- independent of parents. Ours may have been too independent and strong-willed (like his parents…), we could not force him to get perfect grades, apply to colleges he did not want to. However, he has a great sense of self and will meet his goals- he still is a 17 year old, going for his 2nd year of college this fall and enjoying being a teenager. Hopefully LB’s D has her own sense of self and ignores her father as is best for her well being. </p>
<p>Grow up laserbrother- realize you have finished molding your child years ago, you can only advise now. Learn to accept your and her limitations. This is the USA, you are not given any status points for where your child goes to college by those who are equal to or above you in status- every highly educated/well off parent knows there are too many factors that determine what one’s children do. We are getting many mixed messages from you- the poor me ones about financing college along with the how can I choose the latest, greatest camera. There are plenty of CC parents out there who are as equally well educated and intellegent with likewise children who do not have anywhere near your disposable income or savings- you come off as really immature to complain when others deserve as much as you do. Reality- you don’t always get what you want or deserve.</p>
<p>It would truly be delightful to hear this time next year that your D is HAPPILY enrolled at the school of HER choice. There are too many well qualified Asians out there so don’t be disappointed if she is not at a very big name school. Many will be at other good schools.</p>
but that’s just me. Ugh…Why do I even stick around?</p>
I might even ask her if she <em>gasp</em> met any cute boys. ;)</p>