<p><a href=“Searching for Answers After Sandy Hook | The New Yorker”>Searching for Answers After Sandy Hook | The New Yorker;
<p>Heartbreaking. </p>
<p>They’ve been talking about it on the morning talk shows. Sad for sure. Wishing that he was never born. OUch.</p>
<p>He is right thought that they overlooked a more serious underlying psychiatric issue if they didn’t look past the spectrum component to his presentation.</p>
<p>Tough piece to read but he is very honest in his feelings and I imagine that parents of serial killers feel that way. A very sad story for everyone involved.</p>
<p>Very good article, but then The New Yorker always does that. Poor poor man. He even says he’s thought about changing his name.</p>
<p>It is heartbreaking, and very moving. I feel awful for this man. He could be any of us, doing his best to help a child with problems. And the article adds a lot of information about the mother’s life. I feel awful about her, too. It’s too bad that so many people blamed her. Clearly, she did her best, and did everything she could. Maybe she should have done things differently, but it’s hard to know what would have helped. Maybe nothing would have helped. Many experts were brought in over the years. </p>
<p>*They’ve been talking about it on the morning talk shows. Sad for sure. Wishing that he was never born. *</p>
<p>Is that really unusual?
Many kids I know, myself, my H & my kids all have felt that way.
It’s a common component of depression.</p>
<p>I think the father made an important point when he stated that being on the “spectrum” does not lead to violence, or the kind of thinking Adam had. Adam most likely had another mental illness as well. For many young people on the spectrum, medication like Lexapro helps reduce the anxiety and obsessive compulsive thinking, and when it did not help Adam, the family didn’t consider other medication that may have helped. This is not to blame them. Many parents would be reluctant to try medication after seeing their child react to medicine like he did. That reaction was frightening. It is also possible that Adam would have refused to take it if they did.
Hindsight is 20-20, and blaming the parents undermines the serious challenge of raising a child like Adam. He certainly was different than most children on the spectrum and no doubt the parents felt out on a limb. However, his father has done a service in telling the story in hopes that we can better recognize a pattern or warning signs in the future. I hope this father can find some peace one day.</p>
<p>EK, I think the father said he wished the SON had never been born, not that he himself had not. It probably IS common for those with depression wishing they’d never been born, but not so much for parents wishing it of their children. In this case, though, I completely understand why he feels that way.</p>
<p>The article is haunting. I wonder how Adam’s brother is doing? What an awful thing to live with.</p>
<p>Yes, he got psychiatric help, but it appears that the last time was when Adam was around 14, six or seven years before the murders. </p>
<p>There’s an interesting article in the LA Times this morning about improving the involuntary commitment laws so that parents can commit their children after age 18. So many people with psychiatric illnesses become either homeless or criminal because their families can legally do nothing. </p>
<p>Though it made me sad to read it - thank you for posting the link. I thought that the author did a wonderful job with such a sensitive subject.</p>
<p>Clearly both parents were doing what they knew to do to help their child.</p>
<p>It struck me that professional help had never, apparently, helped Adam. That’s not an indictment of professionals; autism and Aspergers are difficult. Moreover, we know more about Aspergers now than we did when Adam was in K-12. </p>
<p>Adam was not diagnosed with Aspergers until he was thirteen. My son is a little older than Adam, and like Adam, he saw mental health professionals repeatedly as a child without being diagnosed with Aspergers. Now, mental health professionals are better at diagnosing autism spectrum disorders in young children.</p>
<p>Even if involuntary commitment had been available to Adam’s mother, it’s far from obvious to me that a judge would have committed that kid given what was known.</p>
<p>The emails provide a window into the mother’s world. All her energy went into coping with Adam, as the article said, on a day-to-day basis. She did not look toward the future, but it’s hard to see how she would have found the energy and objectivity to do so, and what solutions she might have found even if she had. I’m sure one reason she became so isolated is the unhelpful advice she probably received, almost certainly including the suggestion to just kick him out and force him to cope.</p>
<p>Even now, does anyone know which co-existing mental illness he might have had? After reading the article, it’s hard to see the school shooting as anything other than an attempt to eradicate his entire life, including his childhood. </p>
<p>An interesting note in the article: Adam’s genes are being sequenced and mapped. Maybe study and comparisons with other mentally ill killers will find some genetic basis. A ‘violence’ gene? </p>
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<p>Life is never ever that simple.</p>
<p>Even in hindsight, we don’t know what Adam’s mother should have done. Or what his father should have done. The father is looking for answers, and we have none to give.</p>
<p>I think we know a few things his mother shouldn’t have done.</p>
<p>It’s so easy for someone who hasn’t been in the situation to know what the mother should have done.</p>
<p>So very sad for everyone. So few services available for mental health makes it tougher for loved ones and mentally ill. </p>