Adam Lanza's father speaks In New Yorker article

<p>I agree anxiousmom. Diagnosing in retrospect is very different from what usually happens in real time. It’s a problem.</p>

<p>Here’s another article that give partial answers to some of the questions posed in this thread. <a href=“http://www.courant.com/news/connecticut/newtown-sandy-hook-school-shooting/hc-raising-adam-lanza-20130217,0,857900.story?page=1”>http://www.courant.com/news/connecticut/newtown-sandy-hook-school-shooting/hc-raising-adam-lanza-20130217,0,857900.story?page=1&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Psychopaths are indeed scary–can see why you would be concerned. Did you do anything–could you do anything to help this young boy get any help so he could somehow develop SOME empathy? Is there any way to do so? Did you refer him for help? Sounds pretty alarming to me!</p>

<p>He was already seeing psychiatrist and counselor. And yes, very alarming. I read an article several years ago about a summer camp program for children with sociopathic/psychopathic behaviors that they had one year. what they realized is that they can teach these children to fake empathy and remorse and “normal” reactions, but that this actual made them more dangerous. The researchers seemed to feel that it made the kids worse to put them all together in one place. Think it was a new york times magazine article, or in the atlantic mag… can’t remember exactly. <a href=“Can You Call a 9-Year-Old a Psychopath? - The New York Times”>Can You Call a 9-Year-Old a Psychopath? - The New York Times. I haven’t reread this because I am off to work, but I think this is the article…</p>

<p>^^^^^Sociopaths are indeed scary, and I haven’t read anything that shows you can do much to “cure them” or get them to begin to feel true empathy. </p>

<p>Even most sociopaths are not violent, however, because they understand the concept of consequences, and would avoid violence not because they know it is wrong or that it hurts people, but because it wouldn’t serve their purposes.</p>

<p>The Sociopath Next Door is a good read, and quite chilling imo.</p>

<p>BTW, the article I linked above is the one I was remembering. Fascinating article; I strongly recommend you all _ especially Bay and others who want to blame things on the dad - read it!</p>

<p>I have a good friend who is retired from the NYC School System,she taught middle school social studies in a well-regarded school in an upscale neighborhood. Several years ago a former student she saw on TV was arrested for committing a crime (can’ t remember the specifics) and she said that had she been asked of all the students who she taught over the years which one was most likely to have been arrested for committing a crime, she would have named this student without any hesitation. Another case several years ago a young man had been arrested for committing a very heinous crime and a former teacher wrote a letter to the NYTIMES editorial page in which she said this young man and his family had been the recipient of every conceivable service available from the NYC Board of Education and trust me these can be considerable ranging from, special needs education, one on one counseling, family counseling, occupational therapy, social workers, immersion classes, home visitations, tutoring, parenting skills classes and supervision for his family and so on. </p>

<p>Very well written article and the more I read about this whole tragic situation, the sadder I am because to me this is a totally disfunctional situation. If Adam seemed to be making some progress in high school and receiving therapy in-school, why was he permitted to leave school and regress? He either totally manipulated his mother into agreeing that was the right thing to do and his father acquiesced or Nancy Lanza made that decision on her own. This seems to be counter what rational people would do. There doesn’t seem to be any concrete plan but instead concerns about his future and his becoming an adult and how one would actually accomplish getting from point at to point b. Plus she was clearly enamored by the entire gun culture. I am totally unfamiliar with that culture on a personal level and totally horrified by our country’s embrace of guns and automatic weapons and the availability of guns to just about anyone with a pulse. If you read the account of the young man who killed two people in the Columbia MD mall in December, it seems that he suffered some kind of psychosis or breakdown in the year before this violent shooting and his suicide, yet everyone who knew him said he seemed perfectly fine to them. His journal writing shows a young man desperate for help but he never tried to get help nor did anyone around him apparently notice that he was in pain or distress enough to do anything about him. </p>

<p>I think the tech coach was his link to school. When he left, Adam probably wasn’t ready to be on his own yet and his troubles resurfaced. I also wonder if his father remarriage added another layer to his sense of loss. Did he cut off his father when he got remarried?</p>

<p>He cut off the father a year before the father remarried, but I don’t know where that was in the arc of the father’s relationship that ultimately led to remarriage. But according to the article the issue that precipitated the break was when the father tried to convince him not to take more than four courses at a time at the community college (or maybe that was when he was at Western Connecticut), and he was really angry about that. But he also stopped communicating with his older brother around the same time, and the older brother wasn’t involved in the course debate and didn’t get remarried, so there are a lot of assumptions you have to make to ask what the father did to cause the break.</p>

<p>I don’t know if anyone can point to a “cause” in his case. I am guessing it is a cumulative effect of interrupted developemnt of a difficulty child. If the article points out how Nancy Lanza was having a good life traveling and staying at posh hotels and that she was traveling days before the Day leaving her 20-year old son alone at home, they should also chronicle father’s absence in his life.</p>

<p>Well, the article “points out” no such thing. You really ought to read things before you comment on them. In any event, I find it sort of offensive to describe Nancy Lanza as “having a good life traveling and staying at posh hotels,” notwithstanding that she sometimes traveled and sometimes stayed at posh hotels. Everything we know about her indicates that her life revolved completely around her son. In hindsight, far, far too much so.</p>

<p>I think Igloo is referring to the second article posted somewhere on this thread. S/he is correct that it points out Nancy’s trips and dinners. I also was surprised that she would leave Adam alone for days (weeks?) like that, but in my case I’m projecting my own experiences with my son and I can’t imagine leaving him alone in our house like that for more than one night or two, but he is not 20 yet.</p>

<p>I am referring to Courant article jonri posted. JHS, that’s a respectful retort :slight_smile: I DID read the article. “points out” is probably too intentional, should have said cites an anecdote painting a picture of leisurely life.</p>

<p>When hurt people shut out others, they don’t just shut out those who hurt them. They often shut out everyone. I wouldn’t be surprised Adam Lanza shut out his mom about the same time he stopped coomunicating his father and brother.</p>

<p>So, you are applying rational thinking in an attempt to explain the thought process and horrifying behavior of a person who is mentally ill. That doesn’t work. </p>

<p>His parents could have done everything wrong and the young man could have turned out just fine, or at least not a mass-murderer. Or, they could have done everything right and a serial killer kid will still be a serial killer kid. What’s more, he could have seen a therapist that morning and it probably wouldn’t have changed a thing. We will never know. Only he knows why he did what he did and even if he told us there is a safe bet it still wouldn’t make any sense.</p>

<p>It’s not a thought process that I am referring to. I have no idea what thought process led him to plan a mass killing. I am second guessing how events led him to isolation. I don’t think that’s so out of the question. </p>

<p>Okay, well that seems pretty clear to me. He struggled in a school setting and so-called experts recommended home-schooling. Professionals were not helpful and even seemed to make things worse at times so Nancy gave up on seeking outside help. That. the marriage broke up is not in the least surprising to me since there were undoubtedly tremendous stresses due to Adam’s issues. Peter did attempt to continue the relationship but Adam was disinterested. Leaving a 20-year old home alone seems reasonable enough and Nancy was clearly in some amount of denial about how dangerous he had become. I mean, he killed her first. What did she do to cause that seems like something of a bizarre question. She missed some clues because she didn’t understand him. I guess, I just don’t think it was possible to understand him. So, I can’t blame the parents. </p>

<p>Flossy, it is not clear to me what your position is on this. Are you saying that parents have no role in whether a person will become a mass murderer or not? They can surround him with love and attention, or they can beat him and abandon him, and the result will be the same?</p>

<p>Well, yes if the person is mentally ill I guess that is at some point what I am saying.</p>

<p>There is no amount of love, attention, doctoring or whatever that can cure “crazy.” Treatment may work and it may not and a day without pills can sometimes end very badly. And, a large number of these patients really hate their meds so that unfortunately happens frequently. </p>

<p>But, I’m not saying parenting plays no role is human development. However. it cannot change chemical imbalances in the brain and there are obviously degrees of dysfunction where it can make all of the difference in the world. Unfortunately, sometimes, yes, it won’t change much at all. I’m not happy about that but I do think it’s reality. And, I agree with you about the access to guns. That made the tragedy easier. I think Nancy was blind to that danger and Peter was disconnected. They were a gun hobby family…</p>

<p>Let me take up cudgels in defense of Flossy’s position.</p>

<p>I am saying that parents can do everything they know how to do, do the best they can, follow the advice of experts, and still end up with a child that is a mass murderer.</p>

<p>We have no idea what to tell parents to do to prevent their child becoming a mass murderer. Preventing guns in the household from being available to their children might be a good step, but guns are readily available in the US, and mass murderers can get them.</p>

<p>The only way I can think of to prevent having a child that’s a mass murder is adopting. Adopting girls.</p>