<p>S2’s classmates called me “Mrs. S2’s Mom” also. This thread reminds me I should have a chat with S1’s fiancee and see what she wants to call me. She is from another country, so I want to hear her perspective on what adults are called.</p>
<p>I think we have run the gamut of names. I grew up addressing everyone one as Mr., Mrs. or Ms. . It would be out of the question to call an older person by their first name. I remember people saying that you had “better put a handle on it.” </p>
<p>When Chick started elementary school, every one was on a first name basis from the Principal down. Her kindergarten teacher was named Leslie. She would refer to her as Ms. Leslie and the teacher told her “Chick, you can just call me Leslie” and she cried. When she went to middle/high school it went back to Mr/Mrs/Ms. As for me, I never had a name, I was always Chick’s mom. Chick always has a hyphenated name and her friends would call me Mrs. Smith-Jones or Mrs. Jones. I would gently tell them I was not Mrs Jones, but people did not get it. I just said call be Sybbie.</p>
<p>I work in a school where everyone is on a first name basis. Some kids call me Sybbie, some call me Misssss, some call me Ms. Sybbie, some call me Auntie or Aunt Sybbie, some call me maaaaaah. I go along with whatever makes them comfortable.</p>
<p>Most of my kids’ friends used to call me Mrs. Lastname but since they are in their mid to late 20s now, a few have changed to calling my first name several years ago. I really don’t mind, whatever makes them feel comfortable.
Most of my casual friends and their kids call me by my first name too. However, I taught my kids to address adults as Mr. and Mrs.
In our family, it’s considered rude to address your elders by their first names, so the instant my D and her new husband finished saying “I Do”, I jokingly told him that now that he’s family,he needs to call me what my D calls me, Momma.</p>
<p>My H was writing them an email last month and I told him to sign Dad.</p>
<p>In my job I lead school tours for mostly fourth graders. Although I wear a name tag I always introduce myself as first name. Most children then call me by my first name but some call me Miss first name, some Mrs first name and still others just use Teacher (usually the kinders). Very rarely is it Mrs last name and that one always takes me by surprise since I don’t think of myself by that name.</p>
<p>In my private life it also took me aback when my daughter’s friends called me Mrs last name. I think it’s because in my culture adults were always referred to by a first name honorific construction. Last names were never used.</p>
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<p>Some young people – particularly those who grew up with stepparents – would be very offended by this. I know that I would have been. I had a mother and a father, and those were the only people that I would ever call “Mother” or “Dad.” I also had stepparents, but I called them by their first names. They were family members, but they were not my parents.</p>
<p>Similarly, when I acquired in-laws, they were also family members but not my parents, and it would have been inconceivable to address them by the special terms reserved for parents. I suppose that they could have been Mr. and Mrs., but my husband was already calling my mother by her first name (because they had met at a place where both of them were employed, and that’s how colleagues address each other), so it seemed most natural for the first naming to extend to all the other in-laws as well.</p>
<p>It took me 20 or 30 years to call my stepdad my dad (my own father died when I was 20) but I felt it was important to accept him. Everyone has a different experience. I felt that my dear Dad would have wanted my Mom to have another marriage and for us to accept our stepdad.</p>
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<p>Thanks for mentioning your situation.</p>
<p>I was thinking only about the situation in which someone acquires a stepparent while the parent of the same gender is living, but of course things are different in a case such as yours.</p>
<p>I met my husband in grad school. My dad was his thesis adviser! It took DH about ten years to move from “Dr. MLDad” to his first name.</p>
<p>MaineLonghorn, that reminds me of a situation from my childhood.</p>
<p>My mother became close friends with a much younger couple, both of whom worked in the same place that she did. They often came to our house, and I went with my mother to their home. I was about 12, but I called these two people by their first names because they had specifically asked me to do so. They were in their 20s and were uncomfortable with Mr. and Mrs.</p>
<p>Then one day, the man’s brother, also in his 20s, came with them to a barbecue at my mother’s house. He was introduced to me by his first name, but I just couldn’t call him that because he was a teacher at my school! I had never been in one of his classes and I never would be, but the conditioning to call teachers Mr. or Mrs. was just too strong. I settled for not calling him anything at all.</p>
<p>Marian, of course that would be different, if your biological parent is still living! I must have read carelessly.</p>
<p>My oldest attended schools where virtually all her teachers were on a first name basis, going through college and grad school.</p>
<p>Youngest attended a more traditional high school where teachers generally went by an honorific. Except for the science dept, especially the biology teachers. Then they were called either Miss first name, or a shortened version of their last name, no “Mr”.</p>
<p>We went through an uncomfortable experience with D in middle school. She had been attending a K-12 alternative school that had been around for about 30 years. Many of the original teachers and even some of the original families were still there. Being on a first name basis was very important to many of the teachers, although one teacher ( who were past retirement age), went by what she preferred to be called which was Mrs “B”. Her style was such that “MissusB” was used like her first name.</p>
<p>Ds last year there, an out of state principal was assigned that wanted to be called “Mrs. Principal”. Fine. However, she also began putting pressure on office staff and on other teachers to use more formal names. She could not understand that using a formal address wasn’t required for respect. ( this was only one change she tried to make unfortunately, she just wasn’t an " alternative" educator)</p>
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<p>We have an awkward situation like this that’s actually in the family… My immediate family is VERY close with my aunt and her family. When my aunt got divorced, everyone stopped referring to her ex as Uncle FirstName and reverted instead to just his first name. We were only related by marriage and he’d had an affair, I don’t want to call him uncle anymore-- he no longer attends family events anyway unless his kids are the focal point, ie graduation parties, etc. When he isn’t in the room, I call him by his first name like everybody else does. On the rare occasion that I DO see him, though, I end up just calling him nothing because calling him by his first name to his face seems too blatant but I still won’t call him uncle. I only use Uncle Firstname anymore when speaking with his children, my cousins, so as not to make them feel weird.</p>
<p>I wonder if he’s noticed that his name has changed to “Hey, you!” the last few years…</p>
<p>In a social situation pretty much everyone gets called by his/her first name by me or I just start talking. At work, those with titles get them and customers/patients get refered to as Mr or Mrs if they are older than 40. Anything else seems a bit phoney since I would be around his/her age bracket… I almost always used first names when addressing parents of friends because my parents prefered this and it was the norm where I was growing up. You can just tell the person to call you by your first name.</p>
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<p>In this case, within my extended family and culture, it would have been acceptable to address them as “uncle first name” or “aunt first name”. My brother who is widowed, married a woman with a daughter and she calls him “uncle.”</p>
<p>That would feel very strange to me, to call my step parent aunt or uncle. </p>
<p>My sister is in her mid 20s and just began calling my mom, mom. Before that she called her by her first name. She’s been my sisters stepmom since my sister was four.</p>
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<p>Wow, glad my MIL didn’t try that with me! I like her, but she’s certainly not MY Mom.</p>
<p>If someone had put a gun to my head and said, “Call your mother in law Mama” I would have said, “Shoot.”</p>
<p><em>snort</em></p>
<p>OK, <em>big snort</em> to get to 10 characters.</p>
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<p>Yes, I would expect you not to understand and make snarky remarks.
I call mine Mom Lastname.
So no one here calls their MIL Mom or something similar?</p>
<p>No, never. She’s not my mother.</p>