<p>Cbre- nope. My mom and her MIL are only a few years apart so that would be very awkward. I call a few my best friend’s mom ”mommy last name” but I’ll never call my MIL mom unless I marry my best friend. For me, that’s a title that is reserved for people who have helped raise me. Mom is my mom. That simple. I use mommy lastname for bff’s mom because sure has always been like a second mom to me. They are the only two who will get any title like that in my life.</p>
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<p>Was that “you” as in “me” or “you” as in “us?” </p>
<p>I was not intending to be snarky. My comment was more a commentary on my relationship with my MIL than on the general notion of someone calling her MIL “Mom.” I think it would be great to have that kind of relationship. I was just more likely to call my particular MIL “nuts.”</p>
<p>^^^Thanks for your explanation.</p>
<p>I really think most people here react to their own relationships with their MILs.</p>
<p>I call both my MIL and my mother Mom. Occasionally I’ll call my in-laws by their first names for clarification if my own parents are in the room. I’ve got two great Mom’s! My husband calls my parents by their first names, but will occasionally call my mother Mom.</p>
<p>My parents call each others parents mom and dad. Dad has a cordial relationship with mom’s parents, mom has a TERRIBLE relationship with her MIL but still calls her mom… probably to avoid choosing between calling her by her first name, which might be disrespectful, or calling her Mrs. Lastname, which would be conspicuously formal. My mom chooses her battles.</p>
<p>I affectionately call fmil Mommy LastName when she’s not around. I haven’t had to call her anything yet in person and haven’t really decided what it’ll be. Calling her mom does feel weird to me even though I do like her a whole lot… I just don’t know her very well, her son doesn’t really keep in touch much. Whether I intended to listen or not, I’d be touched if she wanted me to call her “mom.” Doesn’t make me obligated to do it if I’m not comfortable but I think it’s a well-meaning gesture and can appreciate that.</p>
<p>I could write a book about my relationship with my MIL - bless her heart. It sums it up to say that she “fainted” when my H told her we were getting married, “fainted” again on our wedding day and “fainted” several times thereafter whenever she was informed of any plans that did not include her.</p>
<p>I’m with kathiep. I call my Mom “mom” and my MIL “mom” and my husband calls my parents by their first names. That is the way each set of parents wanted it. We live in the same town as my in-laws and 600 miles from my family, so there’s generally no confusion. I know that it bothers my mom a bit that I can spend so much more time with my MIL and so when my own mom visits I do not call my MIL “mom” in her presence. But honestly I do not think it diminishes the role that my own mother has played in my life.</p>
<p>My sister calls her mother in law and our mother “Mom” and it works fine. It so happens that both women live in separate quarters in my sister/brother in law’s home! (Thank you, God, that I’m 800 miles away and can fly to visit but get to leave…)</p>
<p>I never called my mother in law “Mom”. I generally didn’t call her anything, but first name was the choice in an unavoidable situation. I call my stepmother (since I was 4) by her first name, and she is wonderful still at 90 years old. My daughter calls her mother in law by her first name and my son in law calls me and H by our first names.</p>
<p>Ha, in my house, the important thing wasn’t whether to use the first or last name. Both my parents were comfortable with either one. The important thing was, if you chose last names, my mom isn’t Mrs…she’s Dr.!</p>
<p>(She was much too polite to correct someone who called her Mrs. in a social setting, even a child, but I knew what she wanted to be called.)</p>
<p>It’s nice that some languages have words for family relationships, so no one has to decide what name to use. My sister calls her Korean in-laws by the Korean titles, and my nephews address my niece by the Korean word for “big sister.”</p>
<p>Some Indian languages have even more specific titles – you address an individual aunt using a word that makes clear whether she is your mother’s younger brother’s wife, your father’s older sister, etc.</p>
<p>I always called my in-laws “Mom and Dad” as did their other in-law children. It was always used by our parents, aunt’s and uncle’s generation and it’s still probably the most common title for the in-laws among my group of friends.</p>
<p>I actually prefer “Mom and Dad” and would love it if future in-law children felt close enough to call me “Mom.” Of course, in-laws are not one’s parents - that goes without saying. But IMO it does reinforce the notion of family and the sense that what’s mine is yours, including my parents! I agree that it’s not right in every circumstance.</p>
<p>For those of you who call your in-laws Mom and Dad, what did you call them before you got married?</p>
<p>Since I’ve only met her a few times before we married and we live 3000 miles away, I called her Mrs…
My situation is like roshke’s. And it’s only a title…</p>
<p>My mother kept her last name. She has never been Mrs. Anything, but rather Ms. (the last name she was born with). I have both of my parents’ last names with no hyphen, but my father’s comes first. </p>
<p>My mom has always wanted my friends to call her by her first name. Those who did try the last name inevitably got wrong – either using Mrs. (my dad’s last name) or Mrs. (my combination of both last names). For my close friends, it’s never been an issue, though. We’ve always called each other’s parents by first names. I think that, at least partially due to some parents in medicine in academia, my group of friends has a lot of moms who kept their last names. I’ve also always called my parents’ friends by their first names. I think I very rarely called anyone who was not my teacher Mr. or Mrs. anything.</p>
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<p>I know somebody whose in-laws sulked because she wasn’t comfortable calling them Mom and Dad. She isn’t comfortable with them for a variety of well-deserved reasons anyway. Her own parents are both deceased and she isn’t looking to replace them.</p>
<p>Hanna’s story reminded me of my childhood piano teacher. She was raising her grandchildren and she called them “Brother” and “Sister” as though those were their names. It was the most bizarre thing. Not as in “Call your brother to the dinner table.”, but as in “Brother, come downstairs!”.</p>
<p>I was terrified of the woman so I never asked why she did that. I always wondered if she couldn’t remember their names!</p>
<p>I call my MIL “Mom” and my FIL “Dad.” DH calls my mom “mom.” I won the inlaw lottery though and have always felt that I was a complete member of my Dh’s extended family. It’s been so long that I don’t remember what I called them before the wedding, but it was probably Mr and Mrs. D.</p>
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I technically do, but actually I don’t usually call her anything.
Backstory: My parents were both deceased before I’d even met DH. When they were alive, they both had very warm, close relationships with their in-laws and called them “mom” and “dad”. I naively thought that everyone’s family was like that. When I got married, it was kind of assumed that I’d call MIL and FIL “mom and dad”. So I did. But I am not close AT ALL with MIL (FIL is gone now) and every time I say “Mom” referring to her, the word sticks in my throat and practically chokes me. Too much time has gone by to change now, so I usually don’t call her anything if I can avoid it!</p>