This needs to change.
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For sure it does, and given we are international I am wondering if an ADHD coach would do the trick along with medication. I would be there to support but I literally live half way across the world.
You need to rewire here.
NOTHING will “do the trick”. It’s going to be a journey with some successes and some failures. If he really “failed” (as in- told not to come back, vs. you guys freaking out because he got a C in Russian Literature) then you need to be persistent and patient. Nothing will be a quick fix.
And make sure he discusses his use of weed (or anything else that’s recreational, including alcohol) with his physician. You don’t want a prescriber misjudging what’s going on and not having full information!
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We have a little more information from this post. I was giving your son the benefit of the doubt and certainly ADHD can contribute to partying and procrastinating actual work. So yeah an attitude change is also part of this as @blossom implies. Medication and coaching as a combo really can help though. Again, Landmark in VT specializes in these challenges and can provide a list of coaches.
One of mine was 3 hours away and struggling to get a paper done. Severe ADHD. Her sister and I went up and took her to a motel to get her away from distractions. Not sustainable of course. One of her friends also had ADHD and had a coach. He struggled but graduated in time with that support. My kid left after a semester, did CC, worked, and did a degree completion program degree, graduated at 32. Neither course is a disaster!
The biggest challenge, in my view, is getting kids to accept accommodations, especially since they have to self-advocate. The right med and figuring out the best timing takes some time, but not always. Coaching is very effective with a good coach.
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And with the student being willing to take it on board. Refusal to use disability services doesn’t bode well for that. There needs to be a serious discussion with the student about being open to using the help that is available.
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I think accepting coaching comes more easily than accepting accommodations! In fact, coaching may be seen as preserving what young people might term normalcy, while accepting accommodations if often seen by young people as admitting some sort of atypical challenge.