My kid works nearby but she told me to FaceTime her anytime I want to talk to her. Now she has an office I even see less of her. I used to bring her lunch every Monday and stayed at her town home for lunch period.
We see S more than D, even tho he’s twice as far from us as D. We see him more now than when he was in college. We saw him about 4-5 times of 1-2+ weeks each last year and will likely see him a similar or greater amount this year. D just gas longer visits when she comes to see us. 
Duplicate post.
We see S more than D, even tho he’s twice as far from us as D. We see him more now than when he was in college. We saw him about 4-5 times of 1-2+ weeks each last year and will likely see him a similar or greater amount this year. D just gas longer visits when she comes to see us.
I am sorry to hear that. We fortunately still have each other’s company after our child left our nest.
We find we now take a walk more frequently in the nearby park after work, especially during weekend.
I still tend to talk about our child (like wondering how he is doing recently.) When I do this, my wife will gently steer this topic away and remind me that we should now focus on our own lives instead of his life. It is a word of wisdom, I think. Guess what: She was a SAHM while I was mostly working outside home in the day time (I used to work much longer hours everyday when our child was young - so our child really did not miss me much, except that I, being a type A person, would pay more attention to his school work and give him “extra” school work. The division of “child rearing” job in our family used to be: I took care of his academic side of life, and my wife took care of all the rest.)
I don’t know what to say. My D moved the East Coast yesterday. I have a mixed feeling. I look forward to visiting her.
I have adjusted to son (29) on other coast, talk every 2-3 weeks, see him 1-2 times/year. Youngest (23) is relatively nearby but independent. Middle one has health problems that can be dangerous and is moving to opposite coast for grad work for 5 years at least. I had prepared for all to be gone and had started new things, but the middle one (the one who already had health issues) had a serious accident last summer, so we both had to regress for a year while I took care of her 24/7 for months. She is recovered and leaving again this fall but I kind of lost my hard-won detachment and will have to work on it again.
Plus I am a year older and am in the midst of a cancer treatment, and not feeling as up to my distracting activities as before. Scared of recurrence with kids so far away, and losing years with them: but this is the point of parenting and we will not be around forever no matter how our health is right now.
Also, five years ago my husband had a stroke and had a personality change; ended up moving into a little place of his own, and after a year of that, I filed for divorce. Had to sell my house and back to moving every year as a renter. I guess I could say I feel young again, with the new mobility.
My main focus right now is making sure every one of my kids has NO idea how lost I feel. I talk up my upcoming new place, the activities I will be doing, and to some extent I believe it. If only I could not worry about the one with health issues, I could enjoy this. I am working on it, and there is new technology for one of her ailments that allows me to monitor from afar, which she wants for safety overnight. I won’t use it during the day.
We have to go with whatever life is offering us at any given moment. I want to find an apartment that allows dogs though!
I am not quite there yet. I don’t expect it will be any different once my kid gets a job. I am putting house in order (finally) and having fun with it. My yard is looking fabulous now that I have time to water it. I also get to talk to neighbors more gardening outside.
Of course, nothing can take the place of family and your own children, but if it is the “youthful” connection that you will miss, consider volunteering for a kid-focused organization in your community. The child care room at church, the YMCA’s kid programs, foster care programs, etc.
Do you have friends/family who are in the same situation or who never had kids of their own? Look at their life and how they fill their days - maybe you can start to see some of the activity options that appeal to you.
@compmom: You sure have a lot on your plate right now. Kudos to you for not letting your kids know of your down feelings. Hang in there – things will get better, but I think you know that already.
No adjustments are needed. Just continue living your life…assumption is that you have been satisfied with it while kids were at college, so they will be with another organization called “place of work” instead of college. What is actual difference for you as a parent?
The actual difference for me will be this: when my children were in college, I would see them at least three or four times per year; now that both are out of college, I anticipate that I will see them maybe once per year. In addition, my spouse, their father, comes to the house only when our children are visiting, so I anticipate that I will not see him for months at a time, also.
I have more vacation than my children do, so traveling to see them will be a possibility, although limited by finances.
You feelings are felt by me @rosered55. I cannot imagine seeing my children only once a year. I hope you can find some solution(s) to make that “once”, “more than once”!
…we will not see our D for the most of the next year. Our lives still continue as is, no change. She is only 2 hours away. She will be working 12 hrs shifts 6 days / week and studying in between. She will have only one holiday in whole year and we may be lucky if she chooses to come home for this holiday. She said that we cannot visit her either, as she will not have time, aside for maybe not sleeping when she should after her night shift. We pray that she will be OK, that she survives. We will be fine! S. may not come either with his family, kids are very busy HS’ers, they have all kind of things going on in a summer.
You will survive, I promise! And if you have an option to visit them, you are very lucky person!
Yeah, I know I will survive.
Thanks VeryHappy. I highly recommend Tai Chi for this time of life. When I get a new maltipoo, life will be grand.
I had a harder time when my last child graduated college than when they went away to school. I also turned 50 that year, so that might have been some of it.
Yes, life does go on and you forge a life without them. I have a nice full life and I am lucky that my spouse and I are still together and connected. I have lots of friends, life is good. That doesn’t matter, I still miss the kids and the uncomplicated life that we had when they were in school.
Now, both kids live far away and both have SO’s who have parents also. My S’s gf who he lives with wants them to share holidays. So we do. Kid only gets 3 weeks of vacation and he is lucky enough to have enough money to be able to use that vacation to take trips with his SO. He works hard and I don’t want him to spend all his vacation visiting family. My H is a workaholic and the only time we seem to take vacation is to visit family. Frankly I kind of resent that and don’t want to pressure my kids to do the same.
My D wanted to stay where she went to school because of her BF. She’s 14 hours away and an expensive plane flight to us. I wish we could visit more but it’s hard. My sil who has lots more money than I doesn’t understand why I don’t get on a plane and visit D all the time. First, my H wants to see her also and is sad if I would go without him. And D works and also wants to spend some of her limited vacation time with her BF. So we don’t see the kids that much. I have to accept that.
Why I’ve gone on this long winded explanation? Because I can have a great life and still be sad of what has passed. It doesn’t affect me all that much but I am allowed to miss what used to be. And for me, this is a more permanent thing, not a short term time when the kid is busy but won’t always be and is close geographically.
Well said Deb922. And maybe that is it. 14 hours away at college still probably means home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, maybe some time in the summer, etc. 14 hours away AFTER college and when working at a job AND having a significant other means…14 hours away and less opportunities for getting together.