My younger daughter (of two children) graduated from college yesterday. She has a job (yay!) but it starts in two weeks and she’ll be 1,000 miles from home, while her older sister is 2,000 miles from home, in the opposite direction. Any tips for post-college adjustment for mom (me), aside from stopping reading College Confidential? Thank you!
A puppy sounds good…
I already have the dog: a 9-year-old that I adopted last year. She’s great but doesn’t quite fill the void (and having her makes it hard to travel, unfortunately).
IMHO, when loved ones move away, make it a POINT to set up some either combined vacations half-way in-between, or family gatherings at your or their house. We have had to do this for my parents, and my one brother helps a lot with the coordination.
I do not have that many regrets in my life, but the more I think about it, the more I think about how my mom’s favorite sister moved 1,000 miles away and we “never quite had the time” to see her and she rarely came up to see us. This was from seeing her several times per week, every week. It used to be that if she was on vacation for two weeks, my mom would be sad…
I think also not forcing “meet-ups” to be during the holiday season can work out better. If money is an issue, Skyping can help.
The sad part is that if they are both new to their jobs, they are lucky to get 2 weeks off and that makes it more difficult unless you can travel to them all the time. And don’t discount that they might move later…
(As for travel with a 9 year-old - I’d suggest first asking her vet’s office if they have pet-sitting or know some good petsitters. Some doggie daycare places may do it, but the cost can be higher. We always put in dog-sitting as part of our vacation costs, I think it is $25 per day if it is at their place, less if the dog can stay in your house and they just need to do walking and feeding. That is, unless you have the time to stay for weeks at a time, then I’d suggest traveling with your dog)
Why would you stop reading CC? Was I supposed to stop? Ruh-Roh! Cafe is still great.
When our youngest went away to school it was the big change and we made a point do pursue a couple of long dreamed of goals which allowed us to entirely revamp our daily routine so we were not doing the very same thing & noticing the big hole where DD had been.
I have one thousands of miles away, it is all about us being 100% available to do anything with the kids whenever it works for them, but also being 100% absorbed in our own world when they are busy. OK, perhaps 90% in our world when they are busy. I think the kids cannot be made to feel sorry for you, they need to feel good about you having your life, but also feel your support.
From someone whose one and only lives 5,893 miles away…you need to live your life. I think it’s important to visit after your D gets settled. It puts your mind at ease as far as what sort of life style they are leading. And then go back to what gave you joy before the kids came along. It’s probably still there.
Thanks for posting, rosered. D2 just graduated and accepted a job on the other coast. I’ve been realizing that this transition is going to be much harder than my empty nest (when D3 left for college one year ago) because there aren’t the known (and long) vacations like when the kids are in school. On the one hand, D is lucky that it’s her first job and she gets 3 weeks of vacation a year; on the other, my reaction is, What? Only 3 weeks a year?! Compared to a school schedule, it’s so little! I’m going to miss her like crazy! I’m appreciative for facetime and skype and she has agreed to join us for Thanksgiving but this transition is going to be tough. No real suggestions…just commiserating…
I have one 2500 miles away and the other 5000 miles away. We do meet up when we can. This coming weekend, we are all flying to SF, where we will all attend several operas with my folks, whom H and I are escorting. They will also be flying in for my niece’s wedding in Aug and so dad have always visited over the Christmas holidays. It helps that it’s nice and warm here and most of the extended family live here.
We try to see them when we can coordinate trips. We are planning a trip to Europe and S has already indicated strong interest in coming along!
I’m kind of the opposite of the parent who exerts parental pressure. I defer. My older daughter doesn’t get paid vacations at all and isn’t even supposed to ask for time off, so I’m grateful for what I can get and don’t push for me. She was able to come to her sister’s graduation yesterday by switching shifts with coworkers, and it was wonderful; first time the whole family was together in more than a year and a half.
I can commiserate with this crowd. S1 is 800 miles away and S2 is 1300 away. Both sons have been able to come home for Christmas, and S1 can usually come for a week in the summer. I decided this year that I would visit each of them at least once during the year, and I’m hoping for more. The year’s only half over.
My oldest daughters husbands family lives on the opposite coast, and have retired to their summer home, which is much more enticing than seeing us for holidays.
We see our younger daughter much more often, but it would be wonderful to see them together for a change.
Mine just graduated and moved home (my home) with her spouse while they job hunt. She is 29. We are having a lovely time with them here. Just letting you know that you NEVER know when your kids may come home for a while, and then, no more missing them!
I’m not sure how parents adjust, but one tip – depending on what her job is and how much flexibility she has, try to be flexible to any time she wants/is able to come home. You don’t get much time off when you first start and often it may not be at very logical times. But if she wants to do a random long weekend in October bc her projects are slow and she knows she won’t be able to get back on Thanksgiving bc she has to work on Friday – try to go with it and make yourself available if at all possible (though I’m not suggesting you can never make your own plans). Sometimes when you get time off isn’t in your hands at 22.
Yeah, first of all, no need to stop CC - now you have MORE time for CC!!! 
Remember this is not a one way street - not just your issue to figure out - making time for each other - either via in person or on Skype, or phone messaging or whatever is in your D’s hands as well. Will seeing you be a priority for them?
Start saving $$$ for trips! Are they in areas where you can do other sightseeing/vacationing? - and then make seeing them a side trip or a pit stop??
I could relate. DS lives 3000 miles away. We call each other once a week and occasionally even once every other week. We see each other once a year, for only about a week each year. It could get “worse” in the next few years. (e.g., he likely could not afford 1 week off per year in the coming years.)
We now shift our focus on something else.
You are in the Parents Cafe. Lots of fun discussions over here…lots of fun threads…just for fun.
My 2 have taken turns leaving home. DS was 600 miles away for school; graduated and came home for a year before moving 50 miles away - we see him once or twice a month, often for a couple of days here at home. When he graduated, DD went off to school 2600 miles away and has 2 years to go. DS is likely to take a job assignment in Europe soon and we will finally feel like “real” empty nesters. Our answer has been learning how to spend time together again without the kids (wine tasting, cooking together, gardening and home improvement) while finding fun ways to spend time together as a family when possible. And I keep in touch with both kids via text - it helps us connect about the everyday little things which mean a lot to me.
Oh - I also work out a lot more!
thanks for the suggestions and please keep them coming. One facet of my situation is that my husband in essence left me the day after my younger daughter started college. He comes to the house for short periods on the rare occasions when one of our daughters is home, but otherwise not. So I’ve grown quite accustomed to being alone, but I know that there will be a big difference between aloneness that was predictably interspersed with visits from a child on break and aloneness that will have no interruptions that I can count on.
Are there courses you always wanted to take? Some project that you’ve always been too busy for? Travel? Volunteering? More travel for your job? When my kids started college, I started a nonprofit. Now that they are living away, we go to a lot of conferences related to my nonprofit. Fortunately, they all tend to be in interesting cities, so we do some sightseeing in connection with the conferences. It has been an interesting time. H has retired and is now doing a lot of deferred maintenance projects around the house. We also are able to spend more time with my folks and others that we have been too busy to spend as much time as we wanted to.