<p>I am applying to a regional Oklahoma School of Science and Math. Part of the admission form is to right a 100 word essay on why I should go to OSSM. The essay has to be no more than 100 words. I am not very good at writing about myself so I was wondering if someone out there could critic what I have wrote so far. Also, I have to knock this down to 100 words. I have already posted it under “What are my chances” so if you have already viewed don’t freak out.</p>
<p>Throughout my high school career I have tackled the most advanced courses that were available to me. Examples of my eagerness to succeed are seen in the courses that I have taken: AP US History, AP European History, AP Chemistry, and AP Environmental Science. I was the only sophomore to take Physics last year, and I was also the only person in my senior dominated class to maintain an A in the class for the entire year. I am extremely interested in the sciences, but science isnt the only subject that I excel in. I was one of only a few students at the high school last year to pass the AP European Exam and I currently have one of the highest grades in Math Analysis, the most advance math course offered to juniors. I believe that my past success in curriculum proves that I am perfect for OSSM.</p>
<p>Whoa, the tone is pompous and presumptuous – I don’t think you want to portray this. Instead of saying you’re the best, perhaps share what you have learned and how you have used it. And anyhow, won’t the curriculum be reflected in your transcript?</p>
<p>Thank you Knavish. As I said I am not very skilled in writing about myself. Scratch classes, gotcha’. Should I say that I was the only one in Physics to maintain an A and should I state my AP European score.</p>
<p>Ah…I don’t think it’s a particularly creative piece of writing (although it’s hard to find room for that when it’s got to be 100 words). One thing I’d watch is trite, hackneyed (:P) word usage: find something else to say besides ‘extremely interested.’ Even ‘very’ or ‘highly’ are better adverbs here. Also, instead of saying that you are ‘perfect’ for OSSM, say that OSSM is perfect for you. </p>
<p>I think what I would emphasize your eagerness to challenge yourself instead of your eagerness to succeed. That can set off the wrong connotations.</p>
<p>Yeah, zoogies has the right idea. You want to show achievements in a roundabout, subtle way, rather than blatantly listing them. Also, focus on the “you love to, you want to” do this, rather than the “can.”</p>
<p>Thank you for our comments, so how does this sound. It is also too long by about twenty words.</p>
<p>Throughout high school I have enjoyed taking the most
challenging courses offered. One of my best qualities is that I
never give. If I have trouble answering a questions I seek help
so I can learn the proper method of tackling the problem. An
example of my eagerness to succeed was seen when I took Physics
my sophomore year. I was the only student in my class to come
in before and after school to obtain help on difficult problems,
this in turn lead to me being the only student in the class to
maintain an “A” the whole year. My eagerness to succeed and my
drive to take the best courses available are why I believe OSSM
is perfect for me.</p>
<p>rahrah, I am unable-and probably unqualified-to attend THE OSSM in OKC because my parents are against it and no, I am a Junior so I wouldn’t be able to OSSM city anyways. Thanks everyone for your suggestions…I get a letter towards the end of this week to see if I was accepted to go on to interviews.</p>