Admissions Essay

Colleges & Universities Rutgers University
1

<p>Would anyone be so kind to read my son’s essay and give an honest opinion before he submits it. We are both bad at writing and just looking for an outisders opinion, thanks!
Dear admission committee,</p>

<p>Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is X and I am deeply interested in attending Rutgers University. I work hard at everything I do and believe that anything worth doing is worth doing well. I think you will find my grades and life experience would recommend me strongly for the pharmacy program. I am a highly motivated and compassionate person. I am also a leader: I am the captain of my school’s X team. I want to give back to my community after I graduate.<br>
Although I feel I have learned a lot so far, I am fully aware that in order to follow my career goals, I still need to expand my perspective and acquire further knowledge in my field. There is always more to be done. I will need to have a very good credential to succeed in the future. That is why I am applying for this program, which has a very high reputation.
What sort of person am I? Friends would describe me as punctual, ethical, and deeply concerned about friends and family. I care about other people. I volunteered for the past few years at the X. I’m personable and enjoy socializing. They would also say that I am a curious individual with a love of learning. Ever since I was little, I have loved exploring and learning new things. I found it incredibly exciting. Nothing excites me more than the idea of starting a new challenge.</p>

<p>Thank you for your consideration, </p>

<p>X</p>

2

<p>Is he answering the question asked for the essay?</p>

<p>It seems like he is making a lot of general statements.</p>

<p>Have him think about any life experiences he has had in school, at home, travelling, doing volunteer work, being a leader, etc, and work that into his essay. Tell why something had an impact on him and relate it to the essay question. Tell about something he has overcome or worked hard to achieve.</p>

<p>For ex, instead of saying “I volunteered at x”, have him write about his volunteer experience, what he learned, the people he met, etc. </p>

<p>Instead of saying, “ever since I was little…I have loved learning new things”, talk about something that has inspired him to choose his major or future profession.</p>

<p>It might help to make an outline first so you have a plan about how your essay will flow from start to finish.</p>

<p>The hardest thing will not be writing enough but choosing what to exclude because you have so much to say.</p>

3

<p>The main Rutgers essay this years is something like: “Rutgers is a diverse community, what will you bring and how will you benefit”. I’m not sure this essay is anywhere close. There are also too many ‘I’s’ in the essay. I would suggest he sit with his GC or English teacher for suggestions.</p>

4

<p>Thank you both for your suggestions. He is actually going to sit with GC Wednesday after school, so hopefully she can help him better.</p>