<p>
</p>
<p>Agree. It’s nice to have access to a supportive “sounding board,” but young adults eventually need to realize that no one, not even Mom, wants to listen to endless pointless complaining. It can become a bad habit.</p>
<p>I agree with Chevda as well. and a good way to say it</p>
<p>I know someone who does this. She suffers terribly from anxiety. Therapy helped a little. She is hoping for some relief from medication.</p>
<p>You will be doing her a favor by letting her know that you have limits as to how much you can be around for venting. Folks who constantly vent without looking for ways to improve or change do wear out their welcomes and can find people avoid them.</p>
<p>Not specifically with my D, but when I can’t listen anymore I say “how can I help?”. If the person doesn’t want help, they usually say so, and I can extricate myself.</p>
<p>Isn’t this the “girls just want you to listen to their problems and show sympathy, not suggest how to solve those problems” thing?</p>
<p>Could be the “I’m tired of listening” thing.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>IME, it’s not something restricted to girls/women as I’ve found with male college classmates and others in life.</p>
<p>It’s also funny you posted that as a few years ago older female HS classmate who can’t stand others venting to her about negative stuff/problems* FB posted her account of a disastrous one and only date with a 50-ish man who spent the entire time ranting about his ex-es and how they all wronged him. </p>
<p>My one and only reaction was “What idiot would be stupid enough to think it’s ok to act this way on a FIRST DATE?!!” First dates are usually NOT the appropriate time or place for venting/complaining about one’s life. </p>
<ul>
<li>She’s often joked about such venters should talk to her sister because she’s the trained therapist, not her.</li>
</ul>
<p>My husband is a fixer, and it drove me crazy when all I wanted was to vent. Sometimes he had to tell me to stop talking about something if I wasn’t going to change it. Other times I told him not to fix anything, I’m just venting. It takes time to work out a balance. A conversation about these boundaries may be helpful at a time when she is not venting.</p>
<p>Is she coming to you with the same problems over and over? Or is she dealing with issues in her own time and coming back with new or different problems? If it is the same issue at some point you will need to say that you cannot keep going over the same ground.</p>
<p>I’d be concerned if as you see she see’s herself as a “victum” or powerless to change things. Maybe therapist, life coach, self help book could be useful. Again a discussion of this at a neutral time may be helpful. Just make it brief, lay out a suggestion and then back away to see if your daughter wants to pursue it.</p>
<p>When we were much younger, by brother got me a pin that said "I’m not your #&*</p>
<p>Your daughter is not looking into the options YOU think she should look into. It is very possible that she IS considering things that she is not sharing with you.</p>
<p>Is this the college grad daughter? If so, this could be a “smile and nod” time for you. Just listen, and offer suggestions ONLY if asked. I’m not very good at that either. But my kids have become increasingly good at tuning MY unsolicited suggestions out…and listening to my ideas,when they actually ASK for my opinions.</p>
<p>You need to know when to speak up…and when to shut up.</p>
<p>You say “adult daughter”, so we don’t have much info. For starters, I hope you are not permitting her to live with you. She’ll have a much harder time establishing herself and growing-up.</p>