Interesting thread. My kids are 20 & 18 and still living at home, so we do a dinner out or takeout during the past two years and homemade cake and gifts. If they want to get together with their friends we facilitate that, but D22, the 18 yr old, did not want to do that this year on her birthday. She saw friends later.
This topic made me try to think of what my parents did. They have both been gone 9 and 12 years now. And the truth is I really can’t remember very well. I think they probably sent me a gift certificate. That’s often what my M-I-L does for my husband. We live about 2.5 hrs away from her.