Hi, I need some feedback and advice for my personal essay for UC.
The prompt is: Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?
My essay:
Either stuck in a hospital room or my room for months and months, I worried about my classes and grade. The beginning year of my sophomore year was the toughest of them all, my sickness had got to me and my grades. I struggled with asthma ever since I was young and during my sophomore year, my asthma got worse resulting in missing lots of school days. I was going in and out of the hospital and school. After months of months struggling with asthma and missing out school days, my grades got worse and I felt really weak. I tried my best to overcome this challenge, I asked my teachers what I can do to make up all the work and I also cared for my health a lot. Despite trying to make up all the work, my grades were still low and my health also got worse. This was a huge challenge for me and I did now know what to do. So, I asked my parents for help and my teachers. I was told to care for my health first and then school and so I did. I tried my hardest to get better soon and get back to school. Couple of months later, I returned to school and resumed my studies. Even though I had little time to catch up and do the work, I tried my hardest and I was satisfied with myself. Despite the challenge, I continued to move forward and try my hardest.