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<p>Don’t loan it to her. If she wants spending money in the fall, she better get up off the sofa and go earn some cash money this summer. I wouldn’t loan her a dime after she turned up her nose at two great summer jobs. Tell her to go bag groceries.</p>
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<p>I supposed you have a much better kid then me. Lucky you. I look at my friends, and we bring up the kids more or less the same way and feel a little envious when theirs seem to be more mature than mine. Don’t know what I did wrong.</p>
<p>ETA: She is NOT getting any spending money from me. I don’t know what else can I cut. All we were paying for was her tuition and bus fare and books. There is a thread going on about what bedding to buy for college ? I won’t even buy them new bedding. I make them take the old stuff from home. Well I did get DS some additional padding because his dorm mattress was like 2 inches thick and lumpy. He said it hurt his back. I don’t think I gave them that much.</p>
<p>Hey, ya can’t blame the kid for taking advantage of what is given to her.</p>
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<p>I agree. AND imo consider not letting her have access to or spend that saved money from previous years. I assume that you didn’t require her to save half of her earnings so that she could take summers off and spend her savings. I’m thinking rather that you intended that the saved money was for college, a car, furniture, etc.</p>
<p>So the dads are saying I should stop paying for school tuition if she won’t work in summer ? That’s all I am paying, tuition, books & bus fare. Well, food, - she normally packs lunch/dinner from home.</p>
<p>She said she is applying to a lot of jobs online and I believe her, but so far nothing has penned out yet. And I am frustrated she is turning whatever she has in hand when she has nothing lined up.</p>
<p>I don’t have access to the money she earned. Part of the growing up is for her to have her own bank account. I don’t gave her any credit cards.</p>
<p>I gather that your expectation was that she earn a certain amount each summer towards college. If she is not going to do that, I think that you should create whatever consequences may be appropriate such that it is she, not you, who bears the burden of her own failure to cooperate. If that would mean not paying tuition, so be it.</p>
<p>I agree with what you said earlier that one can question whether she will repay any loans from you, so therefore it would be wise to consider not making such loans. Traditional student loans from a conventional lender seemingly will be fine.</p>
<p>I have asked both children to start their application for loans this summer. I didn’t press them last summer, because of our move and son does not qualify because he is going to a special school. This summer I am adamant they take out loans. </p>
<p>I think it is a good idea to press her and reiterate the expectation she is expected to work summers to help pay for school. Her brother say he will take her job, unfortunately he won’t finish his school till mid-June, and they probably won’t hire him. Poor kid, he went for the same job interview she went for last summer, they gave her a second chance to pass the test (typing speed) and she got hired. They didn’t gave him the time of the day.</p>
<p>Not a parent. But, a different perspective here. </p>
<p>Obviously, she is a smart student capable of earning plenty. But, her decision not to work might be enforced by the fact that she HAS money in the bank. Have her just sit around for a week. Maybe then, she’ll start itching to work…</p>
<p>In concern to jobs, she could get SO many. She could work as a translator or at a business. Many are in need of bi-lingual people…</p>
<p>It might seem like a bad solution. But, since she wants to dip into her own money, let her. I think it’s a bit too much to stop paying tuition altogether. </p>
<p>Maybe to light a fire under ass, make her pay rent to you for living there over the summer. And put that towards her tuition. That way, she’ll forced to work. By allotting this money towards her tution, technically her money will be used to pay for college.</p>
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<p>I thought you said that you were LOANING her spending money during college with the expectation that she will pay you back someday? Correct?</p>
<p>If so, stop. Let her have NO spending money unless she earns it upfront working.</p>
<p>asdfjk : She has sat around for almost 3 weeks already, that’s why I am getting antsy. Entry level jobs tend to get filled up because more & more students get out of school including high school students. </p>
<p>Her grands are asking to have them for summer and I keep blowing them off because I don’t want them to think vacation ! and another excuse not to work. It’s hard because their grands are not getting any younger, kwim ? </p>
<p>If I make her pay rent for the summer doesn’t that mean I have to do the same for her older brother ? He does not get out till mid-June and his chances of employment are a lot worse than hers, though he is more motivated than she is.</p>
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<p>No, I am fronting only tuition, books, bus fare and meals, which she is supposed to be responsible for half and pay us back eventually after graduation. Clothing, entertainment, ie. spending money is her own, and she gets it from her savings from working last summer, monetary gifts from her grands.</p>
<p>In other words:</p>
<p>I gather that your agreement with her was something like “you can spend half of your earnings now and save the other half for a good future purpose such as college.”</p>
<p>If she controls the half of the money that she earned, such that she is spending it whenever she wants to, then she really did not “save” it.</p>
<p>I appreciate that she needs the grown-up opportunity to manage her finances. That is what she has been doing with “her” half of the money that she earned. But, if she is not applying the “saved” half towards college or something else that you consider worthwhile, then she is violating her agreement with you. “Grown ups” do not violate their financial agreements.</p>
<p>If you cannot regain control of the “saved” thousands, then imo consider telling her “Look, the $X thousand you have saved up is supposed to be your contribution for college. Therefore, I am reducing my tuition support for you by that $X thousand. If you decide to spend that money, you won’t have enough for tuition. If you want more spending money, you must earn it, not dip into your college savings.”</p>
<p>Something like that imo, you would know best how exactly to set things up if you wanted to go in this suggested general direction.</p>
<p>For the future, I would suggest consideration be given to requiring that she turn over half of her earnings to you to be put in a separate account for her but in your name and under your control–to be saved for college or other good long-term purpose that meets with your approval.</p>
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<p>Good move imo about requiring student loans!</p>
<p>Hmm. You can make her pay more considering that her brother is in HS and she’s in college. That way, the whole rent thing works out. :)</p>
<p>Adad: </p>
<p>We never thought it through that carefully. Our thoughts are whatever she makes is her own to spend, but she is supposed to pay her half of tuition, books, bus fare after graduation, not before. We were never very clear with her about it, we don’t even know ourselves. I don’t think she is ever going to make a lot of money in summers, all the jobs she had pay about $11 - $12/hr, oftentimes less. The doctor’s job offer $9/hour and it’s shift work, so she does not get to work 40 hours. It’s not the money issue honestly, it’s the work ethic and motivation issue for me, though of course we never let on to the kids. </p>
<p>You have good suggestions about her savings but my first reaction is that it required more control over the kid than I want to at this stage. Sigh, if that’s what good for her maybe that’s what it has to be. My husband and I have to be on the same page on this. I know he does not want to take over her money. In our family mom is the mean one, controlling and all.</p>
<p>asdfjkl1: her brother is actually older than she is. It’s not his fault he is behind her. I have to be careful about this, she has complained before we don’t treat them fairly.</p>
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Munchkin:
If you drop a hammer on your foot and it hurts, you’re supposed to not drop the hammer on your foot again (unless you like being hurt).</p>
<p>You got her a job. She quit. You got frustrated.
You got her another job. She quit. You got more frustrated.
Now you’re talking about getting her another job. See the problem here?</p>
<p>You’re also taking about paying a few thousand to an agency to find her an internship. I don’t even understand this one at all. Let her get her own internships and she shouldn’t be paying anyone to get it for her. I haven’t heard of anyone paying someone thousands to get an internship. I have little doubt that if you did pay thousands for this (which makes no sense at all) she’d just end up quitting. </p>
<p>I actually think maybe you should lighten up on all this. It might be irritating to see her sleep until noon but it’s not the end of the world. If it were me, I’d firstly make her pay for her own entertainment, clothes, etc. and I’d encourage her to get a job or internship (HER get it - not you) but I wouldn’t get into a fight over it. I wouldn’t charge her rent for the summer and would stick with the original plan for paying for college. Let her veg for awhile if that’s what she wants - maybe she’ll get bored or get tired of seeing her savings dwindle.</p>
<p>I think you need to let your daughter do her own job getting. My just turned 19 year old daughter is on her 3rd summer job (over 3 summers - not this summer :)) - we have never got her any of the jobs. I drove her to her first interview because she did not have a drivers license yet. We did also drive her to the interview for her current job because it was a 1000 mile drive there and 1000 miles back and she had to go over a weekend and get back for college. That was the extent of our involvement. Searching for, finding, and choosing the jobs, completing applications and resumes, getting references, doing interviews were all her choice and her responsibility.</p>
<p>First, please everyone understand, </p>
<p>I DO NOT PAY FOR HER ENTERTAINMENT OR CLOTHING . </p>
<p>Sorry I capitalized because it seems like somehow most posters seem to think I do and I find myself clarifying this point again and again. </p>
<p>The paying for an agency to get good internship idea came from an article I came across once, I couldn’t even remember where now because at it was at the beginning of this year and the idea did not go down well with me at that time. That article said some parents pay agencies to get some great, hard to secure internships for college students. An investment banking with Goldman ? An interesting job in a non-profit ? I can’t even remember all the details now, just that fact these agencies exist, just like regular job agencies, they have contacts with the right companies that produce the right kind of experience. The article said it was immensely helpful in helping a graduate getting choice jobs because of the right internship experience. The one agency that was mentioned said they charge about $3000 per placement. I didn’t like the idea one bit at that time so I didn’t save the link. But now, having my daughter lazing around is bugging me so I am thinking it may be less annoying for me in paying an agency to get a job for her, though of course I wonder how good is this for her development. </p>
<p>And, as someone pointed out, she may not work at it because she didn’t get it herself. Though, if I remember right, the agency work with the student to figure out what kind of internships/jobs they want first before trying to secure a placement.</p>
<p>Swimcat: great that your daughter find her jobs, if she does not, what will you do ?</p>
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I have never given my college age kids money for books or transportation. Bus fare and books can easily come out of earnings, especially for a kid with a cushion of money saved from earlier years.
The way the rest of us do this is we only pay the college Bursar our agreed amount. The balance has to come from loans. No “fronting”… just sign on the dotted line. </p>
<p>It sounds like you are “fronting”, “loaning”, and enabling every step of the way. The way to expect a child to be responsible for costs is to expect them to pay up front. I think if I were in your situation I would be asking that my live-at-home daughter help out with the groceries. Certainly when my college age son has been home I’ve expected him to do some of the shopping, from his own funds. </p>
<p>I did have my son lazing around my house one summer when I wanted him working… very long ago. I told him a date: either he had to be employed by that time or move out. I didn’t do anything beyond that. (Actually, I did – when he got the job but didn’t have a car I drove him to the transit station every morning & evening… I was happy to do my part … but I certainly didn’t go out job hunting for him. The most I would ever do for either of my kids would be to pass on info if I saw a listing – example: “there’s a help wanted sign up over at the pizzaria” Usually the kids were ahead of me on that one - “oh, they’re looking for a delivery person who has a car.”).</p>
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<p>Who is the rest of us you are referring to ? No one here fronts for their children ? </p>
<p>Where we lived most kids get a free ride, we are actually considered quite strict/harsh. It is unfortunate that my daughter is not as proactive I want her to be.</p>