<p>Spend very little time at home and 'study at the library when not working. Are you looking for a job after graduation? Perhaps not commute distance.</p>
<p>I agree with the posters who say to move out. While none of us are living in the the house with you, what you describe is not normal. This is not just controlling behavior, this is ABUSIVE behavior. If this child were an adult speaking about a significant other/spouse, I don’t believe any of us would be advising her to “tough it out”. We would be advising her to move out immediately as it appears that the situation is escalating.</p>
<p>OP, none of us ever want to have to dig into hard-to-save savings, but that is exactly what it is for; those time when emergencies come up, and the extra money is needed. Thank goodness you have some. I would find a room to rent in a house with kitchen privileges, or something of the sort for now on a month to month basis. Ask anyone you know if they know of anyone renting a room. That will be less expensive than an apartment, or should be. You probably won’t have to dig into savings every month, and you should soon be able to earn more when you finish school and can look for a job in your field. Your mother sounds like a jealous spouse in a lot of ways - and you need to get out of there before things get even worse.</p>
<p>Not sure if this has been addressed, but why does your dad allow this behavior? There is no way in h&$@ that my spouse would be allowed to walk around in a rage and break up items in my house. He would also not berate my kids like you are describing. Don’t get me wrong, I believe if you still live in your parents house, you still have rules to follow, but your mom is over the top, and it sounds like your you and your dad are being bullied.</p>
<p>Roses, I am sorry about the situation with your mom. I too agree that it is abusive, and I hope at some point someone in your family will be able to convince her to get some therapy. </p>
<p>However, never mind all of that. Living on your own for the first time is fun. Not just a little bit of fun, but a LOT of fun. Even if you’re too busy to have friends over often, it’s just nice to get up every day and know that you can make your own decisions and take care of yourself. </p>
<p>You have worked your butt off for 3 1/2 years and you deserve to give yourself the gift of that experience. You don’t owe your parents anything–other than respect and kindness. It sounds like you are a mature and responsible young woman–signs that you are ready to be on your own. </p>
<p>Tap into your savings a little bit–if you must–and fly.</p>
<p>Partyof5- her dad is an abused spouse- emotionally abused- and the OP can’t control her dad any more than she control her mom.</p>
<p>My other advice OP- get into counseling as soon as you’re able. Growing up in that kind of environment takes an emotional toll on you. You seem very intelligent and resourceful and you’re functioning well, but there will be a lot of healing to do also.</p>
<p>I take 3 of my classes online so leaving earlier and coming home later is harder as I need time to study, my books, computer, etc. Also, my mother asks where I am going, when I am returning, etc. </p>
<p>My boyfriend understands my situation, is very supportive of my seeking help and finishing school. She has always been nice to him (so far), however, he did not feel very comfortable after that incident where my mom yelled at me in front of him (he thought he should step in on my behalf but was worried about escalation as I was calm, cool and collected). I confronted her about that, we had a big fight, and she leaves us alone for the most part when he is over (and most of the time, she is at work when he is over, so it is almost non-issue). I would never have him sleep here (and I respect her beliefs to not try, ask, etc), but again she’d be upset if she ever found out I napped with him over at his place, watched PG-13 movies at his place, etc. </p>
<p>My mother believes everyone (my father, myself, etc.) is the problem, not her, so she will not seek counseling (she thinks we need it!). I avoid public places with her because she will occasionally lay into a cashier</p>
<p>I do plan on getting a different job after graduating that pays more and is full time, however, that is 5-6 months out yet so while I know what I want to do, it is hard because nobody wants to wait 5 months for me to finish degree requirements. My hours should go up slightly over the summer though as that is a busy season…</p>
<p>As far as ropes, I have been hanging in there since last June when this all started escalating (I worked full time over the summer, then got my position now which pays a lot more (another point that bugs my mother, that I make more money than she does every week)), so I am being pushed to the end, but I will call the school counseling office on Monday and see what they can do to help. That is a good idea. </p>
<p>Again, I appreciate all of the thoughts and advice! It is reassuring and helpful as I glean information from your experiences.</p>
<p>Peace to you, Roses! Sounds to me like your mom, while she’s always been controlling and a little nutso (pardon me), is just FRANTICALLY trying to hold on to the control she knows she’s about to lose. She is probably not super aware, herself, of what she’s doing and why. </p>
<p>I don’t know, but at some point, when you are able to separate from her, it might be healthy for you to lovingly tell her what she’s doing to you, how it makes you feel, and simply that you will NOT ALLOW that type of control and abusive behavior over you in your adult life. Just so when you have to draw hard lines in the sand, you can point back to that and say, “Mom, I love you, but we talked about this. This is not your business or your place to control me. I’m an adult.”…and then run!!!</p>
<p>I wish you well Op. My mother was really bad to me and I will not go into it but seek help from a couselor early so this does not affect your life.</p>