<p>Hello,</p>
<p>I am asking for advice for help with my controlling mother. </p>
<p>About me:</p>
<p>21 years of age, a senior in college taking 15 credits finishing over summer session (so by July or August) with a 3.9 GPA. I work between 20-30 hours a week at a decent paying job for a student (appprox $13 an hour; been there 5.5 years) and commute to school 70 miles round trip once a week. I live at home with my parents rent free, however, I do pay for a large majority of my expenses. I pay for all of my school expenses (books, fees, tuition), bought my car myself and pay for the gas and any parts for repairs, my clothes, essential toiletries (shampoo, deo, etc), for outings with my friends and boyfriend, for a chunk of my food, my cell phone, and for any random essentials I might need (haircuts, storage basket, etc). I also occasionally make purchases if my mother asks me to (such as picking up things at the grocery store). I do my own laundry, pick up after myself, cook my own meals and am generally not home much or am studying if I am. I have no student loans and no credit card debit. My car is 100% paid for. </p>
<p>My father said he would pay for my health insurance (approx $35 a month), and my car insurance ($600 a year underneath him; he also will splurge for my oil and change it which is approx $100 a year), which is very generous. I have offered to pay both expenses, but he said he wanted to help me out this way since he can’t help me with my tuition bills. I am rarely sick and so often do not have doctor bills. I again am willing to pay any I incur, however, am applying (and will probably qualify) for a program where because I am low-income my doctor bills will be paid for by a third party. I file as an independent for my taxes and have had no legal or substance abuse problems. I also due occasionally (once every week or two) take my younger brother or mother to work or pick them up because they share a car and timing doesn’t always turn out. </p>
<p>Essentially, I try to take responsibility for myself and try not to be a pain in the ass. </p>
<p>My mother is where I have problems. If I don’t do exactly what she wants, she is upset. I cannot watch certain movies at our house (even if she is not home. If she sees the case or finds out she is mad), she yells at me over little things, won’t allow me to sleep at my boyfriends house (I can understand him not coming here, but she won’t let me sleep at his place either), and won’t respect my privacy. I caught her snooping through the Valentines Card my boyfriend gave me which was in MY room and she insisted upon being present when he opened his present from me (which I had told her about, so she knew already). She is upset I wouldn’t tell her how or for who I voted for, that I split my time for Christmas between my boyfriends family and mine (I checked and cleared this with her before hand but she was still upset), won’t allow certain music played in her house, tells me I’m weird, says I think I’m more grown up than I am, doesn’t understand why I can’t just pick her up sometimes, etc. If she doesn’t get her way or if someone expresses a different viewpoint she yells and stays mad for days. There was one instance where she yelled at me for 20 minutes in front of my boyfriend. He was extremely upset because it was totally inappropriate and a small no-big deal incident (she didn’t want to drive my dad’s car to work. My boyfriend and I had plans so I couldn’t drive her and I told her she needed to drive my dad’s car to work). There is an outburst like this at least 3-4 times a month over small, petty things. He says she is controlling and this bothers him. I assure him once I move out (ASAP), I don’t care what she thinks and she will have to come to grips that I make my decisions and run my own life. She yells at my dad all the time too. </p>
<p>I have looked into moving out. I can rent a room from someone all utilities included for $375 a month. I’ve added up my other bills (and adjusted as necessary, for example, my car insurance under my own policy would be $1,200 a year) and stacked it against my income and it would be VERY close to breaking even (it would depend on my hours worked since it varies week to week. Sometimes I get 25 hours a week, others 19). I’m worried I may fall $100-$200 short some months, however, I do have almost $20,000 in savings, so I could dip into that. Ideal financial situation? No, but when I graduate in 5-6 months, I will be able to take my hours at my current job until I can find a better paying one. </p>
<p>Obviously it’s a tricky situation. I have no relatives to move in with (my family has no contact with either side), my college has no dorm housing (and it would be too far from work), my dad can’t confront my mother because she will be mad at him for months ranting, raving and yelling, and anytime I try to talk with her calmly, respectively and like 2 adults about an issue all she does is yell at me and treat me like I am 5. My boyfriends place is too small and even then, he pays $950 for his rent, so I couldn’t pay 1/2 of that (which would be fair). My dad really feels for me but feels like his hands are tied. My mother works between 15-30 hours per week as a cashier. </p>
<ol>
<li>Any advice for dealing with my mother?</li>
<li>Would I qualify for food shelf help? Even if I could get 1 or 2 weeks worth of groceries free, that would be a huge help. </li>
<li>Although I want to move out (and am really close to being able to do it financially), is it wise considering my situation and finances?
I think I’d still be in okay shape even if I had to dip into my savings a bit until graduation, but again, realize that’s NOT ideal and really want to be careful with my money!! Any programs that could help me out just a bit?</li>
</ol>