Now that EDs have come out, many people are (and will be) left with disappointing results. So, to those who have experienced this before, how did you get over it (besides getting admitted to another college)? What is your advice to others struggling?
Second, I think this extends to other fields as well. What would you say to the kid who got a bad grade on his transcript for college admissions? etc.
What helps me is to look at the paths of successful people. I don’t know anyone who says, “I planned a roadmap in high school and followed it exactly and here I am.” There are always forks in the road. Every no is an opportunity to do something else and someone who is open-minded and flexible will have more chances to grow. Think about how many discoveries are made by people looking for something else. It’s not a setback - it’s a redirection
I can’t emphasize this enough. My son is fortunate to have been on two elite engineering teams, the kind that can get anyone they want. He’s been surrounded by people tops in the field that were educated at random places all over the planet. It’s largely about the individual, not the institution.
At the time, my child was very disappointed when not accepted to their ED school. I think looking back now, they realize they had a better experience where they ended up. Also they are interning at a company with students from more elite schools. There are many roads to the same destination.
I think it’s important for people to remember that admissions isn’t personal. A rejection doesn’t negate any of the hard work done in HS , or mean anything about future potential.
Institutional priorities shift every cycle and much is out of the applicants control. Schools are looking to balance a class. Nothing more.
My D has a friend who only got into a safety that the GC made him add at the last minute. He was crushed. Went with the intention of transferring. Ended up staying and slaying it. He has a great job now. There are many many paths to success.
I think it’s important to look forward, not backwards.
I think the single easiest “fix” is to flip it around: why would you want to be at a school that doesn’t want you?
Having two young adults who are out of college and now working, I think both would say that your college experience is 100% what YOU make of it, and not the college making you.
Run your own race. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever been given.
Life is filled with disappointments-- big and small. You don’t get the promotion at work you deserve. You get outbid on the “dream” house. Your SO tells you “we should start seeing other people”. You save for three years for the “perfect” beach vacation and you get there and there are dead fish lining the beach (this actually happened to me… some form of algae was killing the fish. You couldn’t swim, walk the sand, or be within 200 feet of the water without gagging from the smell).
Embrace the sadness for a day? Two days? something appropriate to the disappointment and then recognize that there are other pathways open to you- and take one of them. Your dream college rejects you? Find a different dream college. Better weather than the first one? Nicer dorms? Cheaper to get home? Figure out something to love.
There is no such thing as the perfect college. And the experience of being a college student- waking up in time for class, finding a quiet place to study, cramming for exams or trying to juggle a final, two research papers and manage to eat and do laundry- is remarkably the same wherever you go.
Hugs. Eat ice cream and move on.
I agree with other answers. The smartest and best qualified people that I have ever worked with attended a very, very, very wide range of different universities, particularly for their bachelor’s degree. The most successful people who I have known pretty much never took the most straightforward path to getting successful. They all had some ups and some downs before they figured out what the right path was for them.
I got my master’s degree at one of those highly ranked famous universities. The other students in the same program had again come from a very wide range of different undergraduate universities. With one exception I never found two who had attended the same undergraduate school. The only exception was probably a coincidence, and was NOT a “top 50” university (although it was a good public university).
And when working with strong engineers (mostly software engineers in my case, a few mathematicians) again the other members of the team come from a very wide range of universities.
And admissions is not personal, and in the US is not entirely based on merit.
A strong student can do very well at any one of way more than 100 colleges and universities, and probably more than 200 in the US and just as many elsewhere.
And it might be time for an ice cream (or an eggnog, or eggnog ice cream).
My kid has 3 C’s on her HS transcript. I’ve quoted the Your College Bound Kid podcast many times to her:
There’s a place out there for everybody. Just because you don’t get into a top 25 university doesn’t mean your life is over. It’ll be ok.
Thanks everyone for the responses. I’m not a senior yet, but seeing my upperclassmen peers’ decisions have really given me a lot of perspective on this whole thing. Many of them have worked so hard just to be given tough news.
I think you’re saying (correct me if I’m wrong) that, no matter where we go, your success isn’t definitive or guaranteed. You could go to a state school and still end up at the top. On the other hand, you can go to an ivy league and still miss your goals. It’s impossible to control your entire future, but you can still control a piece of it with the actions you take.
Flipping the script here… Why do these young students think they will get into the IVYs or EDs etc. Their peers tell them or their parents or really bad school advice. Acceptances and denials are not a reflection of the student. Every school has that kid that gets in everywhere. But it’s not everyone. Setting your expectations lower and congratulate those that got in. Then move on. What’s the best fit school for you. Depending on your major the first years of many companies come from all types of schools. You might work with kids that Ed’d… - to kids at no name schools that were your safeties safety. There are smart accomplished students everywhere. Many don’t have the financial privledge to ED. Doesn’t make them any less smart, right?
Cherish your acceptances!! Screw everything else. As stated eat ice cream 
. Find a school that feels like a good place to learn. Facebook groups and the like will give you a clue. As stated, it’s not the school you go to its what you do at that school that counts. Internships and companies like students that are involved and active on campus. Do that. Have fun. Get out of your comfort zone and take chances and bet on yourself!!
Good luck.
My advice is to remember that college is only four years, and that the primary purpose of colleges to to help prepare you for your future as an adult.
The attitude is that most high achieving middle class students are focussed on “being accepted to a good college”, with too many of them replacing “good” with “elite” or “prestigious”.
Being focussed on being accepted creates the illusion that the students are there to provide something to the colleges (besides tuition). The students spend 3.5 years trying to make sure that they can “offer something” so that this or that “elite” colleges will accept what the students has to offer.
That is seeing things backwards.
Students should remember that the colleges are there to offer the students opportunities.
A student’s application is not “here I am, do you think that I am Good Enough for your August Institution Of Higher Education?”. The application is “here I am, what opportunities can you offer me?”
Therefore, a college rejection is NOT a letter saying “you’re not good enough”, or “we don’t want you”. It’s a letter saying “we have no opportunities to offer you”.
Which brings me to the second point: colleges offer opportunities, and every college has opportunities. To repeat that ancient cliché - opportunities are what you make of them.
To many students and parents (and GCs, for that matter), the Most Important Part of college admissions is the name of the college. It isn’t even in the top ten. The most important parts are the opportunities that the college offers. ALL college offer opportunities, and, more often than not, those offered by “elite” colleges are not as good for the applicant as those offered by other colleges with higher acceptance rates. A student should also remember that all opportunities should be evaluated based on where the student wants to be five or ten years post graduation.
Which brings us back to the beginning - college isn’t the goal or destination. College is just another segment of the path to the destination, and there are many many paths to reach any destination from any starting point. There is no reason to believe that the best path for a student to reach their destination is through an “elite” college, even if that “elite” colleges is the student’s “dream college”.