<p>Made my day, this post, as it was my husband who wanted to “stay at home”(and did)…so to the OP don’t count on your smart educated husband agreeing that it’s “You” who gets to be a “lady who lunches”, my husband was smart and educated enough to win the battle when that subject came up in our marriage.</p>
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<p>That figure is an exaggeration. The number of new marriages each year is comparable to twice the number of new divorces, but there are millions of marriages continuing right along from earlier years, so fewer than half of all marriages end in divorce. The majority of marriages continue to end in the death of one spouse or the other.</p>
<p>“Recent research suggests that one marriage in four is closer to the true divorce rate.”</p>
<p>[Don’t</a> Believe The Divorce Statistics - Special Report - Marriage](<a href=“http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/7m2/7m2046.html]Don’t”>http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/7m2/7m2046.html)</p>
<p>Thanks for the detailed link about divorce statistics. Overestimating the rate of divorce is a common error in statistical reasoning.</p>
<p>The fact is that it doesn’t make sense in this day and age, with this economy, for all the eggs to be in one wage earner’s basket, so to speak.</p>
<p>I have had a lucrative part-time career since my children were babies, and we have more easily weathered two of my husband’s layoffs and long job re-searches, as a result. Had I no marketable skills, which were already being utilized, we might have found this difficult period even more difficult.</p>
<p>I think all mothers should contribute financially to the household in some way. We don’t live in the 50’s where middle class families easily survived with only dad working and coming home at 5 p.m. People don’t have careers in a single company anymore. There are layoffs, downsizing, companies closing. It is a more volatile work environment, and people have to be prepared for anything.</p>
<p>And whether there are 1 in four divorces, or one in two, the fact is that a lot of marriages break up, and the woman is typically the poorer of the two spouses after a divorce. Most often, she also has the children.</p>
<p>I will encourage my own daughter to pursue as much education as she can, but to go with her heart. If she decides to be a SAHM, that will be her choice, but I hope that she will also have a skillset to fall back on, should she need it.</p>
<p>I do sing the praises of part=time work, for those who have a career that allows it. It really is the best of all worlds.</p>
<p>I agree with tnguyen08. Caltech gives out only a few merit scholarships each year. They gave you one, and you are only worried about finding a husband? You don’t need to go back to Caltech next Spring to find one - potential husbands are everywhere.</p>
<p>I have no advice to the OP on her project, but I disagree that she needs to “give up her spot” at Caltech. Why shouldn’t a future parent have the education he/she wants? To me, this implies that parents raising children are only entitled to a certain amount of education.</p>
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<p>Kal7, it’s not that I don’t think she shouldn’t have an education, it’s just that I wished she valued what she has more. She basically said that she’s only going because it was free and so on. I don’t argue with why she was given a spot, but it really irritates me that she doesn’t show any gratitude for a position that not many have. If she was a good enough student to get into Caltech and get the merit award, shouldn’t she at least value her education more? </p>
<p>I have the upmost respect for SAHP, but she sounds like she’s just looking for what seems to be an easy way out. That’s something that also really annoys me and especially with the potential that she has -not implying that SAHP have no potential. It just sounds like she doesn’t really respect that position/work of the average SAHP.</p>
<p>* she was a good enough student to get into Caltech and get the merit award, shouldn’t she at least value her education more? *</p>
<p>Youd think.
It sounds like she needs to take stock and respect the effort that she and others put into the process of applying to a competitive college like Caltech.
If she isn’t foremost going to utilize the opportunities at her disposal to wring a stellar education out of where she has landed- but instead look at it as a way to get a “meal ticket” or a date for New years Eve, not to mince words but I have never been good at sugarcoating things- it seems she doesn’t have a lot of respect for herself or her fellow students.
It also strikes me that she is afraid. She is afraid of what she could acheive & instead is hoping to have the big choices decided for her.</p>
<p>Hi guys,</p>
<p>The general tone of this thread seems to be “stay in school and have a career and generally keep your options open because you never know what might happen in life or how the economy will be.”</p>
<p>So I guess I’ll just continue with life as planned and try and get a job and wait five or ten years before thinking about this sort of stuff. Thanks for the advice, everyone! I really appreciate the help :)</p>
<p>Oh no worries tnguyen08, my comment wasn’t really directed at you. My point was more that I feel those who are competitive enough to get into a program and wish to get an education there don’t need to give up the spot for someone else just because they plan to stay home to raise children. I hope the OP does value her education at Caltech whatever she decides to do.</p>
<p>My husband died at age 39 when our children were 7, 5 and 18 months. He was a high school English teacher; I was a teacher who later went to medical school and was working as a physician. I was lucky enough to find part time (for a doctor!) employment to allow me to spend time with my children while making enough to support us. Do not assume that you will always be supported by someone else! Life never takes you in the direction you plan. Be sure you are able to support yourself and your family.</p>
<p>Fizix:</p>
<p>You don’t have to wait ten years to think about marriage and children. But you need to have some skills that you can rely on should you need to, because Mr. Wonderful decides to get a divorce, dies, or gets laid off, or simply because you find you need two paychecks just to keep your head above water.
Btw, we seem to be discussing careers rather than jobs. Most men and women have jobs–they need them to survive. There are families in which husband and wife work on different shifts in order to have someone available for the children at all time. They don’t have the luxury of having fulfilling careers or staying home if they want to.</p>
<p>You’ve gotten some great advice here and I can’t stress enough how important it is to be able to support yourself and to have an involved husband. While I was on my ten-week maternity leave with my first child, a dear friend’s husband died at 37 leaving a wife and two kids. The wife hadn’t worked in years and had trouble getting a job (this was during a downturn in the NY economy). They had insurance but not enough, and within two years she had lost the house. Eventually got back on her feet but not without much agony. At the exact same time (within a couple of weeks) a relative dropped dead at 32 of a heart attack. she left two small kids and a husband who was a benevolent stranger becaue he worked 70 hours a week so she could stay home. He didn’t know their friends, pediatrician, even habits. Good man, bad situation. Good for you thinking about this now, though, because preparation doesn’t happen by accident.</p>
<p>Zoosermom – Good point. One of of the things we have always made a priority is lots of term life insurance for both of us, so that if one of us died, we’d have enough money for the surviving spouse to take care of the children in the way we planned - homeschooling them.</p>
<p>I have to admit I haven’t read the entire thread, (as in, I read the first post or so by fizix) but I have a small amount of Caltech specific advice.</p>
<p>Most people here have never dated. Relationships tend to be very much like the first relationships boys and girls have during late middle-school / early high-school–beginning rapidly with mutual unfulfilled crushes and quickly intensifying into some sort of I’ll-never-leave-your-side mentality. </p>
<p>Although I do agree with the general sentiment of the thread (don’t worry about finding a husband now) if you do decide you want to get married earlier, please don’t pick the average Techer. I have no idea what your dating experience is, but make sure you get a decent amount of serious boyfriends before you get ready to settle down. That’s actually kinda difficult to do at Tech depending on how choosy you are. </p>
<p>I guess I would just concentrate on dating while in college, mostly because dating other people gives you a really good idea of what you want in a relationship. Date as many different people as you can (Well, within reason). This way, you’re not directly worrying about getting a husband, but these things prepare you to pick a good one when the time comes. This is what I’m doing–although replace husband with wife where applicable.</p>
<p>Anyway, that’s just my humble opinion.</p>
<p>(Also, I guess I should note for the others in the thread that I am not a parent but rather a sophomore at Caltech)</p>