<p>So I think I want to be a housewife when I grow up. (Think 1950s.)</p>
<p>a) I really want my kids to grow up happy and well-cared-for. I was fortunate enough to have a father who sacrificed his research to take care of me. I’d love to give my child the same thing. And I’m trying to marry someone smarter than me, so chances are he’ll be very career-oriented and won’t have much time to spend with kids.
b) I’ve always loved helping and mentoring people.
c) I’d be working full-time on a job I actually care about.
d) I wouldn’t have to go to grad school and publish papers. I hate academia with a burning fiery passion.
e) Unless I had like five kids, I’d have plenty of time to myself. This is probably a good thing, but I guess it could get boring once they’re teenagers or whatever.</p>
<p>I should probably stay in school as this will increase my chances of finding a “good catch.” (and I am going there for free, so why not.) So my tentative plan is to go back to Caltech and mostly concentrate on finding a (smart, responsible) husband. My questions are:</p>
<p>– Do people get married in college these days, or am I going to have to go to grad school? I get the feeling the type of person I’d want wouldn’t want to make a commitment too early. Maybe I could date someone a couple years older than me?</p>
<p>– How can I increase my chances of finding a (smart, responsible) husband? What do you do if he wants a divorce and you have no employment credentials to speak of?</p>
<p>– I’m mostly making this thread to get a feel for the overall landscape of the job – are housewives common these days? Do you know anyone who’s tried it? Is it a good idea? Any experiences, observations, insights are greatly appreciated :)</p>
<p>Rare in this day and age except in a few traditional communities. </p>
<p>MY thoughts, assuming this is a real post, Get a great education and/or a job skill.</p>
<p>Marriages end in divorce,
Husbands Die
Husbands lose their jobs or become disabled
kids grow up and leave home then what?</p>
<p>Go for the housewife but remember life is full of unexpected turns. Get a good backup plan and never ever be totally dependent on somebody else for your economic survival.</p>
<p>Agree with above. Not to mention the fact that at a certain point those kids grow up and you will want to go back to doing some other work.
It is great that you have the goal to stay home and raise your own kids. I was home with mine for five years then went to work part time because I was married to someone who could support us.<br>
BUT I did not go through college with the idea of finding a husband. The best way to find someone responsible, adult and mature to be in a relationship with is to be able and willling to take care of yourself.<br>
Finish your degree, get a job and then start looking around for someone like minded.<br>
Agree with always having a backup plan as above poster says. Life never turns out the way we plan…that’s just the way it is.</p>
<p>It is truly hard to believe that this post is for real. “What do you do if he wants a divorce and you have no employment credentials to speak of?” Would a high school girl be asking a question like this, to strangers over the internet?</p>
<p>On the off chance this is a real post, search for articles about “stay at home mothers” to read comments on
</p>
<p>On the off chance the original poster doesn’t know, this is what used to be called “going to college for an M.R.S. degree.” (I think you will be a better mother if you have more knowledge in an area that interests you. Go to college to learn.)</p>
<p>I know tons of stay-at-home moms. The best advice I can give you is to stay out of debt. I see a lot of young mothers in the breastfeeding support group I lead who want to stay at home, but can’t because of school debt or because they bought way too much house for their income. Live on one income, even if you have two when you are first married and sock the rest away.</p>
<p>Most of the stay-at-home moms I know are homeschoolers, though, and that brings me to my second bit of advice - stay in school and get your degree. Get a good liberal arts education with courses in history, english, the arts, the sciences and math. I was sure thankful for my college work this past few years as we did AP Biology, AP Calculus, AP US History and lots more. Really pays off.</p>
<p>Which leads to my last bit of advice. Don’t shop for meat in a hardware store. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, don’t marry someone who wants a careerist wife. You are most likely to find someone likeminded in conservative political and religious groups on campus, not in the liberal and feminist groups (although I do know some feminist stay-at-home moms, they are rarer). And, among that group, increasing numbers want their kids to be homeschooled, so stay in school.</p>
<p>You need to know the facts before you put all of your money/effort into being taken care of by someone else. Women are more likely to raise a family alone. Women are much more likely to end up on welfare because many of these single moms do not have skills to get good jobs but rely on hourly wages. There is a children’s book I bought my daughters called Minou. It is about a cat who had a wonderful master who fed her, and took care of all of her needs. When that master died (or left) the cat did not have the skills to hunt, to catch food, or even to survive. Obviously, the analogy is clear, women should never plan to be taken care of by someone else…plan for the opposite so that if your “master” dies, disappears or leaves you can take care of yourself and your children.</p>
<p>Like the above poster said, finish your degree, get a job, and then consider marriage. You may love your work and want it all…or want to stay home and work part time in your field.</p>
<p>Maybe a ■■■■■, but I like the question. I am a stay at home mom. With all the possibilities out there of things just not working out as planned, it is important for each person to be able to be self sufficient.</p>
<p>Being a stay-at-home mom is a worthwhile thing. But one has to have insurance against misfortune. Loving husbands can die or become disabled. Or fall out of love and get a divorce; or be laid off, not just once, but multiple times. Or a family member may suffer bad health and two pay-checks will be required to cover the expenses. It’s better to have some skills that one can fall back on if the best-laid plans “gang agley.”</p>
<p>Being a stay at home mom is worthwhile; going to Caltech for that is another thing, especially on someone else’s dime. ■■■■■ or not, I’ll just point out that women in medicine get BIG grief for “taking up spots” of men who would be working more hours and making "better "use of a coveted resource.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap, perhaps they do get grief, but I know more and more doctors who are staying home with their kids or cutting their hours drastically while their kids are young. I don’t see any problem going to any college, training for anything and then choosing to stay home whether a parent is male or female. We don’t know what the future brings, and it isn’t anyone’s business to tell someone he/she is taking up a spot, that may not be used in the workforce. NO ONE knows who will continue in a career and who will not, for any number of reasons, and being a stay home parent is a good reason.</p>
<p>I have been a stay at home mom for many years. I have always been grateful for my education simply for the fact that it made me the person I am today. In addition, I wasn’t spitting out kids from day 1, you know — I did have a very good career! I certainly didn’t take someone else’s spot anywhere along the line. People leave jobs all the time, for many different reasons. </p>
<p>For argument’s sake, let’s say this was a real post. First, you have to bag the big game. That’s not so easy. You will probably end up “settling” in order to get the “right” guy. In that case, divorce is probable down the road. Make that extra probable if you really do marry someone smarter than you. HE’LL get bored. Hopefully, you’ll be able to keep your hooks in him until he’s made enough money to pay great alimony, eh? Or at least until you have a kid or two so you can get a bunch of child support to spend on yourself.</p>
<p>Oh, and kids … that’s another thing. When that time on your hands happens, let us know. I’m not holding my breath. Just wait … I guarantee there will be days when grad school work would seem easy in comparison!</p>
<p>As for your question about what you’d do with no employment credentials to speak of? Learn to ask if they want fries with that.</p>
<p>“Shrinkrap, perhaps they do get grief, but I know more and more doctors who are staying home with their kids or cutting their hours drastically while their kids are young”</p>
<p>And I’m one of them…and she said</p>
<p>“I’m mostly making this thread to get a feel for the overall landscape of the job – are housewives common these days? Do you know anyone who’s tried it? Is it a good idea? Any experiences, observations, insights are greatly appreciated”</p>
<p>Real question? Kind of. It’s a big decision and I haven’t made any definite commitments, but I’ve been rethinking my goals and values a lot lately and I’m trying to map out all the possibilities and see what options are available to me. (I’m on a gap year right now, it’s a good time to do this sort of thing.) I came to this forum because there’s a lot of “helicopter parents” here who hold their kids as their highest priority. So far you guys have been really helpful :)</p>
<p>Basically what I’m getting out of this thread so far is:
– Your husband might die so you should learn to survive without him just in case (sensible)
– Educated parents raise better kids (I probably already know enough to give my kids a high-school education, but I guess it makes sense)</p>
<p>Another question (/series of questions): I’ll definitely finish my degree, if only because I think math is pretty cool, but I was under the impression work experience was a lot more important? Will a college degree really help that much if I’m returning to the workforce after several years of inactivity (pregnancy, childrearing, …)? I’m a math major, so it doesn’t directly translate into a marketable skill. And I hear employers don’t like to see long gaps on your resume. So basically, if I stop working, am I screwed out of a high-paying job forever?</p>