<p>In a little more than 3 weeks, D returns home for the summer. She has been living 3,000 miles away for the past school year, and has been very, very independent. I am interested in hearing advice on living with the returning college student.</p>
<p>S is coming home in 2 weeks. The first day he’s home, he’s starting a full-time job. And another part-time one. That’ll keep him out of the house and off of my nerves. . .</p>
<p>My daughter was home for a couple of weeks and then went off to camp to be a counselor for the summer. Came back in August and she spent her mornings sleeping in, evenings seeing her friends or hanging out with us. Not much different really except she did her own laundry and we had to remind her to let us know if she was going to be out late. Oh, and that when she came in late not to make so much noise. Same thing for the next summer. Last summer she worked at a camp near us and took a class at a local college. It was nice having her around because she likes to cook and she would often cook dinner for us or we would cook together. Plus, a girl in the house - someone to talk to!!</p>
<p>Our freshman son might be a little different. He’s not as social and many of his friends will be out of town working at internships this summer. I guessing a job and computer games and occasional evenings out. Oh, and he’ll do his own laundry too. I’ll have to buy more food.</p>
<p>I don’t think it has to be a big adjustment.</p>
<p>The hardest thing for me is all the driving my D. does when she’s home. She has friends all over the state, and I really don’t have a good excuse to stop her because she’s a good, experienced driver, pays for her own gas, and so seldom gets to see them. But it’s nerve-wracking.</p>
<p>My son has his program mapped out. We’re hoping he won’t be home until after Memorial Day (although classes end today and his exams are over next Friday) … the Memorial Day date has to do with athletics.</p>
<p>He has a summer job lined up, plus an athletic conditioning program, plus will be working at some sports camps with his team and coach. </p>
<p>I expect he’ll be keeping relatively normal hours (normal for us adults) and the only difference is that I will be called on to produce egg white omlets on a regular basis at the crack of dawn.</p>
<p>In my experience, the returning college kid will continue to live life just as they did at school, sleeping late if possible, staying out late always, grabbing meals whenever convenient. Mine seemed to view our home as a sort of check point from which all of his other activites emanated. Didn’t see much of him last summer since he worked a lot and spent the rest of the time out with friends. They have gotten used to being independent and running their own life while away at school and see no need to change just because they are home for the summer. Don’t be hurt if they don’t spend a lot of time with the family. They are so busy living their life that they usually don’t consider that there is anything else you might want them to do.
Our soph. S will only be home for a brief visit the end of this month and then will be off on his own the rest of the summer.</p>
<p>DS came home two days ago for the summer. He just finished his freshman year. Last night he went 35 miles away to have dinner with a friend at 10pm. I didn’t comment but I did tell him, if you choose not to come home tonight, please call and let me know. He started to protest. I let him know that it is common courtesy when living with other adults to let them know of your comings/goings. Had nothing to do with his being my kid.<br>
Of course, in my heart, it had everything to do with is being my kid but I did not tell him that.</p>
<p>Our S is coming home for his third summer, and the same job–with hours running from 1-2 until 10 or later. So he gets to sleep in and is often not home till after we’re in bed. The issues we have been working on and getting better response to every summer are cleaning up after himself and making less noise late at night (small house, no getting away from mess or sound of TV). He’s getting pretty good about both (finally). He’s often out with friends after work, and much of weekend (when not vegging in front of TV).</p>
<p>Otherwise, no conflicts, and pretty good company.</p>
<p>Echoing what the three posters just before me said. It takes getting used to but every now and then there are some nice family moments, and then when they are gone you really miss them again.</p>
<p>DD came home Friday night. She chilled all day Saturday, went out Saturday night with friends, on Sunday drove to Boulder to visit a friend and they climbed a 13,000 foot mountain. “God I’m bored” she said Sunday night. On her 3rd night home! Aaargh.</p>
<p>Caltech sent a letter home today with a link to their parent newsletter and it included some advice on the first summer (yikes - should I really expect piercings?) <a href=“http://www.parents.caltech.edu/back.html[/url]”>http://www.parents.caltech.edu/back.html</a> But I thought there was some good advice in the article so I thought I’d share with CC.</p>
<p>The first summer home my boys wanted to eat out with friends all the time. They spent their money from summer jobs out with friends all the time.I suspect this may change this year as gas is so expensive and we may tighten the reigns a little. We also had a problem with staying up all hours, leaving doors unlocked and lights on all night and sleeping all day when they were not working.HOWEVER, they went to Gettysburg with me and were nice and pleasant and seemed to enjoy it. They did all jobs I asked them to do without complaint and were actually helpful and pleasant. However, I cannot challenge them on their own decisions, like for example, weight lifting or taking dietary supplements .Of course , I have boys here. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>enjoy your summers with your changelings. Set the rules that are necessary for your family’s sanity and pick only a few battles. Before long, visits home will be rather brief and involve a lot of logistical complications. My son will be living in a big city doing his first real job. We are going to be shocked to view him as a man in a suit instead of our channel-surfing boy with an easy summer job sleeping late whenever possible. He has never worked 50 hours a week for a really long stretch and this may be less fun than college.
In order to encourage him to bank a good amount of his income in a big city with many spending temptations and with many friends who don’t have financial limitations…we have agreed to double whatever he saves from his salary and apply it to his foreign study next year. He has had many blessings and I hope he learns more about what it is to live on a certain amount of dollars a day. Would like to see him checking out prices, learning to prep some food and carry snacks at home to stop spending and would like to see him staying home when others go out because he can’t afford to eat out that often. Naturally, I hope he can also have a great time and some fun evenings out each week, but at some point before graduation…reality has to start sinking in. He needs to learn to live on his own pay and to put some back in the bank. We won’t be giving him spending money for this or his trip abroad.</p>
<p>DD called yesterday. Yeah! She plans to keep herself really busy this summer. I was afraid she would sleep until noon and be up all night! Turns out she has already landed a good job, wants to try and schedule a few private voice students, wants to join a gym for the summer, take a dance class and even look for another part time job. She ordered a few books she wants to read in preparation for an audition in the fall. Her only request was that we schedule “mom” time for a manicure/pedicure!!! I am a happy mom right now…let’s hope I don’t wake up from this dream!</p>
<p>oh…and she said she “wants to make as much money as she can over the summer, so she can pay more of her own expenses.” I think I may have died and gone to heaven.</p>
<p>It’s a constant renegotiation - just like when they were younger, except the illusion that we are “in control” is a lot thinner.</p>
<p>I sat down with my older son and explained that while I really enjoyed his company, and his friends, I really wasn’t up to having a 21 year old “roommate” at this point. He actually understood that pretty well, and has been quite considerate (all things considered) when he’s been home recently. This summer will be our first with two college “returnees” so it will be interesting to watch, cope and learn.</p>
<p>P.S. I haven’t had blucroo’s “problem” just yet… <sigh></sigh></p>