<p>My daughter is set to graduate in May, and she did great in college: high grades, immersion in a topic she loves, interesting research projects. But she is suffering from what you might call stage fright: extreme and irrational nervousness before any kind of public speaking, even presenting a paper in class in front of fellow students. I say “irrational” because she’s always very well prepared and knows her stuff. But she get the shakes, has trouble breathing, etc. It’s more than the usual butterflies in the stomach. She has never been a great public speaker, but it seems to have gotten worse in college.</p>
<p>I am trying to think of ways to help her. She’s thinking of graduate school, probably a Ph.D. program, and being a poised speaker and presenting yourself and your ideas well is very important. I know that some people take a beta blocker or anti-anxiety medication beforehand. I was wondering if any of you have any non-drug suggestions for my daughter. She’s thinking of taking a class in speech after she graduates. Anything else?</p>
<p>I have a friend who is 50 who finally got tired of being a nervous public speaker and enrolled in a weekly class through an organization called Toastmasters. Most of her classmates are professionals who have been sent by their employers. I know nothing about it personally, but she has been very pleased with the organization of the program, and feels she has improved a lot.</p>
<p>If my daughter had this problem, I would look into a non-drug solution. Just my opinion.</p>
<p>This question comes up periodically on CC. I got through my issue by taking a Public Speaking class at the local community college (where each student gave a presentation to the class three nights a week four months in a row!). Toastmasters is good. The Dale Carnegie course might be another option. Occasionally hypnosis is suggested, though I have no direct knowledge of how effective that might be. Good luck to your D.</p>
<p>I could definitely relate to your daughter. I used to literally get shakes whenever I had to speak in front of people, even when it’s just a handful of them. I didn’t have any problem if I was just participating in a discussion, but if I had to do a whole presentation by myself, I was very uncomfortable.</p>
<p>In my case, English wasn’t my first language, and most people I was speaking in front of were experts in my field, so I was afraid to make a fool of myself. When I came to term with the fact that I had to give presentations in order to advance in my career, I started to study some of my favorite speakers in my field. I also assumed it came naturally for those speakers, but I found out most of them were as nervous about speaking in public. It made me feel more comfortable that I was not alone.</p>
<p>I never took any public speaking class. I would just spend a lot of time privately rehearsing what I would say. With each presentation I just became more comfortable. I even do presentations over the phone now (without video), that’s hard because you can’t see how your audience is reacting to your presentation. </p>
<p>This last Fri I had to speak in front of 200 people, and I felt like hyperventilating, I asked for a clip on mike so my hand wouldn’t shake while holding on to a mike. After I cracked few jokes in the beginning, it eased a lot of tension, and I talked for 2 hours. People later told me that they enjoyed it and wanted me to do it more often (I thought to myself - no, I don’t think so).</p>
<p>I don’t have any good advice because I did it by brute force (just do it). I just want to say that your daughter is not alone in her fear. At the same time, it is important to be able to do public speaking. My girls went to private school with small classes, and they are required to give presentations in most of their classes. There maybe some experts on this forum who could give some good advice.</p>
<p>I’ve heard good things about Toastmasters. I considered it for myself but just never signed up. </p>
<p>I just forced myself to be in situations where I would have to speak and gradually became more comfortabble. People who know me IRL would be surprised to learn what a nervous speaker I was – my voice would shake as well as my hands. Conclusions wouldn’t make any sense because I would leave script and say anything to get off stage. But I knew it was something I had to overcome. I began by taking on PTA positions where I would have to give a speech – scholarship chair, where I would have to talk about the award-winners at a meeting, things like that. Eventually, I upped the ante and now am much better at it. At least I no longer have a pit in my stomach when I take the stage.</p>
<p>I spent five years in a Toastmasters-style speaking club. Just have her join one and attend regularly. You get better and better and better at it.</p>
<p>Toastmaster is wonderful. Also, public speaking is practice, practice and practice in front of mirror. 30 years ago my company required all new employees to take speaking class. Some of the things they talked about was that think of yourself having the power of knowledge. Most of the time you are talking about the subject you know the most. Always have a smiley face, make eye contact with people - in the audience there always will be few sympathetic faces relate to them. Don’t move around and keep your hands to yourself.</p>
<p>If you have trouble having smiley face think of your audience as being naked.</p>
<p>I used to be the same way. Then a few years into my career, I was asked to speak on a professional topic that I was passionate about. This is something I could talk for HOURS about, and have a lot of in depth knowledge about. That was my first public speaking experience where I had no jitters. This was a revelation to me. Typically now I only accept public speaking responsibilities when I do have a very good grasp of the material AND something I think the audience needs to/should know. </p>
<p>I had taken a speech class in high school, but it hadn’t helped. Now I believe it is partly because I didn’t believe I had anything important to say to the class. I’m not sure Toastmasters would have been much help to me because I can’t see how they would care much about what I had ot say.</p>
<p>Of course, you can’t always control the topic/when you are asked to speak in public. But I do my best to do so… and let others do the talking if they are more knowledgable :)</p>
<p>Many good suggestions above…Toastmasters, Dale Carnegie. I also like Simba’s recommendation on ‘knowledge and power’. Practice practice practice.</p>
<p>For years I avoided public speaking–nervousness, voice shaking, uneven breathing. Ugh! Somewhere along the line I started to care less what people thought of me and when I looked into the audience I saw friends. I also realized when you speak from the heart in a genuine manner (as when you care about getting your message across because you CARE about the audience and you want to share your important message) it helps. I also found it easier to speak into a mic…even for small groups. If you know your voice doesn’t carry it doesn’t help your confidence if you can’t get your audience engaged because they can’t hear you. Straining your voice makes the elocution feel unnatural too. If you can speak conversationally without strain, it really helps your message come across genuinely.
Smile smile smile. Be enthusiastic. Love thy audience, they are your friends, they want you to do well. Be yourself and know you are giving your best.
Best of luck!</p>
<p>I took a few communications courses but they didn’t provide sufficient practice.</p>
<p>A speech club can go over how to develop and prepare a speech, even in an area where you aren’t an expert. You may have to give an impromptu speech where you can’t prepare at all. You get to see other people giving speeches where you can see their errors and their strengths and then apply what you learn to your own public speaking.</p>
<p>You may know a topic exceptionally well, but you still have to organize the speech, plan for the allotted time, and factor in the background of the audience.</p>
<p>Agree with all that Toastmasters, a public speaking or communications class are what is in order. I was in debating in high school, so that was my equivalent.</p>
<p>People here are saying it’s “practice practice practice” and I don’t disagree. But it is more of a “realize you can live through it” for some people. Live through it once and you’ll be stronger the next time.</p>
<p>Couple of strategies once you’re prepping or actually up there in front of the mic: </p>
<ol>
<li><p>Think less, as you prepare, about what you want to say and more about what they want to know. Knowing your audience and their perspective will help you create a speech that will be well received. You’ll start getting positive feedback almost immediately, which will help a lot. Which brings me to:</p></li>
<li><p>Pick a known empathetic person (your mother, lol; your friend; whomever*) in the audience and focus on him/her. You’ll see the positive feedback (nodding, smiling) and feel more comfortable. Speak - in a sense - to that one person. Yes, look around some so you don’t look robotic (you will then find more interested faces)… but come back to that face or those faces frequently.
*if it is a roomful of strangers, you will almost always see someone in a close-in row who is reacting positively - use that person</p></li>
<li><p>Realize that even those of us who do NOT fear public speaking still have physical symptoms right before - butterflies, stomach turmoil… I’ve heard some people even throw up right before, although they are comfortable public speakers. You are not alone.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I think the above suggestions are great, but don’t ever discount the fact that no matter how much practice, no matter how prepared, some people cannot calm general anxiety. My daughter has been in music performance for a while and no matter how much relaxation excerises, breathing programs, etc, she tried, she could not control her heart rate enough to play effectively. She takes metoperal right before a performance and her talent shines through.</p>
<p>In my job, I was often required to present information to very high ranking individuals in my company. I was always nervous, to the point that I routinely didn’t sleep a wink the night before. I did practice, prepared well, but just couldn’t seem to shake the nerves.</p>
<p>I did try Toastmasters for awhile. I can appreciate some people really do love it but it was too structured for me. Ultimately, I took a short term class on public speaking.
The very first class, we were each asked to articulate our specific goal in taking the class. Not surprisingly, mine was to be able to sleep the night before I was doing a presentation. THAT would be my measure of success.</p>
<p>This course, although short, got to the heart of each of our relative “phobias”. I didn’t expect this one class to solve a problem several years in the making, but I can honestly say I felt it got me 90% of the way there.</p>
<p>I haven’t had to give any presentations for awhile now (no longer working there), but I feel I’ve retained the best of that seminar and would feel pretty comfortable if asked to speak again.</p>
<p>I totally agree that “fixing” this problem, makes life much easier! I’m so glad I took that class and wish I’d found it sooner. It was a course offered for business professionals and I don’t recall the organization now. But I’d focus on something like that, rather than a college-credit type class that’s a semester long (I’d taken one of those too, in college, and for me, it made my fears intensify. However, part of my success might have something to do with simply getting older!).</p>
<p>Good luck to your D and props to you for trying to help her solve this.</p>
<p>I used to be terrible at speaking in public. I didn’t mind performing (well,ok I did), but the thought of having to announce my piece, and the composer, just terrified me. In retrospect, I should have had some practice at the speaking part before I developed a phobia. </p>
<p>For me, being more at ease in public speaking has just come with age and the realization that I know more about the subject than anyone else there. </p>
<p>Some people have a phobia about microphones. Remember that the microphone is your friend. It enables you to speak naturally and still be heard (as long as you speak slowly, clearly, and don’t mumble, of course!)</p>
<p>Something I realized just recently is a hand-held mic is great if you are prone to say um & ah in between your thoughts. Just take the mic away from your mouth when you do it. After awhile you realize you don’t have to verbalize the um & ah…just pause and collect your thoughts. The audience won’t go away or start throwing tomatoes. ;)</p>
<p>Agree with the posts above–Toastmasters has done wonders for the public speaking confidence of my shy sister and niece (personally, I find it rather structured which isn’t to my tastes). My BIL has also started attending and finds it enjoyable s well. Some have found courses useful, including acting. Medication can be helpful, as it is for collegeshopping’s D, when other measures just aren’t enough.</p>
<p>It’s important to find the right combo that works for your D. Good luck & congrats on how far she’s come to date!</p>
<p>I’ve heard nothing but good about Toastmasters. I still get somewhat nervous but being president of the PTA and having to get up in front of parents at least once a month and sometimes more often really was the biggest help for me. At first I practiced everything I had to say in front of my husband who, as a scientist, has to give public presentations all the time. I’m very glad I got the practice in, because now I have to go in front of planning and zoning boards several times a year. If worst comes to worse I agree you might want to try medication.</p>
<p>I love public speaking, I always have and can still remember the sheer joy when a teacher would say we could do a written or oral report. I wish I could make a living doing it. It was in taking a mandatory public speaking class that I learned how truly frightened of it most people are. </p>
<p>A lot of my classmates spoke of being afraid of making fools of themselves. I’ve always just assumed the audience was on my side and I think that’s a big key as to why I’ve always been comfortable with it. Perhaps your daughter could remind herself that most people do not like public speaking, that most of her audience admires her for getting up there to speak and it really rooting for her to do well.</p>
<p>Since I took that class, I am almost always that friendly person that a speaker will focus on. I pay attention, I lean in, I nod and I smile when appropriate. I’ll even give a little thumbs up on the sly!</p>
<p>Some people are naturally poised. I am one of the unfortunates who are kind of awkward, not graceful, not even symmetrical (good face for radio.) I have always felt awkward and assumed the audience was not having the time of their lives just looking at me. Maybe some of that was projection, but there it was.</p>
<p>So I think what I do now is a big old acting job. I pretend to be graceful, and show how interesting the subject matter is, and most of the time, I can forget myself and just do it. </p>
It enables you to speak naturally and still be heard (as long as you speak slowly, clearly, and don’t mumble, of course!)</p>
</p>