<p>My Mom lives in a 55+ community and has a neighbor who seems to have declined. Mom thinks she is alcoholic. The neighbor lives alone, is mostly estranged from her grown daughters, she’s well educated, bright, ambulatory, drives. That last thing…she drives. Recently her behavior changed…she became more isolated and less involved with clubs and neighborhood events. All of the neighbors have noticed the change. She goes to happy hour daily at a local restaurant and Mom seems to think she is driving under the influence because Mom had to help her one night on her return when the neighbor misplaced her house key. She clearly had been drinking.</p>
<p>Because the neighbor is private and does not necessarily welcome company and screens her phone calls it seems a difficult prospect to initiate a dialog. I don’t know if she is depressed but it seems likely to me. The pressing concern is her driving under the influence and the harm she could cause herself and others.</p>
<p>I’d like to think that just talking to the neighbor would bring her to her senses about the drinking and driving, but that would be magical thinking. Letting the grown daughters know what is going on is a start. But I think that calling the cops when she is about to leave the restaurant so that they can catch her in the act will be the best wake up call she can have that wouldn’t result in someone else getting hurt.</p>
<p>This is one of the rare instances in which I think an anonymous letter might help. </p>
<p>Yes, she’ll be outraged, but she won’t know who to take her anger out on.</p>
<p>Type an anonymous note saying that you’re a neighbor. You’ve noticed that she seems to have increased the amount she drinks and seems to be drinking and driving. You don’t want to invade her privacy, but you’re worried. She’s an accident waiting to happen.If you want, add that this subject has been discussed among the neighbors, and several have commented on this. They’d all like to help but don’t know how to do so. Mail the letter. </p>
<p>It will anger and upset her…but…it may be a wake up call.</p>
<p>Contact police if she is DUI before she kills somebody. There is no reason to initiate any dialogue, are you truly expecting that she will listen? Don’t you know that she knows herself that that DUI is against the law? I am 100% sure, she does, so what is a goal of pointing out?</p>
<p>The vast majority of people who drive drunk are alcoholics. You’re not going to help an alcoholic by talking to them casually. I agree with those who say call the police.</p>
<p>Is this a gated community? If so, the company that organizes the security has a responsibility to call the police. In many states, they could be held liable for any of her damages, as could the restaurant where she is getting drunk. If this is a daily happening, then they should be cutting her off before she drinks to excess. If the management is not aware that their bar staff is serving her too much, they should be made aware. It is easy to call up and say “I saw your bar staff serve this lady (description) who obviously already had too much to drink.” Even if they don’t quite believe you, the management will discuss service issues and it may stop. </p>
<p>In which case, she will probably drink at home. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, being arrested for DUI or even a conviction will stop a drunk driver from driving drunk (some have even driven to their court appts under the influence). It may be time to discuss this with whoever is managing the community before she crashes and injures or even kills someone. They should be able to communicate with someone in her family as a first step. You are your mother’s contact? This neighbor must have someone listed as well.</p>
<p>Yes, call the police and ask not to be identified. If you have the name and number of a family member, give that to the police as well. If you send an anonymous note stating you’re a neighbor who has talked with other neighbors, she’ll most likely become more reclusive, bitter and ill…not to mention dangerous. Calling police makes it less personal, then if a neighbor reaches out, she may be more receptive to the help.</p>