Advice from adults needed: dealing with very pushy relatives (I'm HS senior)

Parents Forum
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<p>(I am not entirely sure students can post here, so apologies asked in advance for any violation of informal rules)</p>

<p>I’m a high school senior applying to college as many other here. I am just 14 years old (skipped two grades, 4th and 7th) and I live in a rather isolated area. My parents didn’t go to college, and so most of my relatives. Our whole high school has less than 100 students, and we have none of the resources I usually read about like college information nights. The official college counselor is just the part-time secretary, who really knows nothing beyond community college or the local average state university.</p>

<p>My parents helped me a lot, and I also studied by myself, alone/online, always liked that and therefore I managed to skip grades, self-taught several AP classes etc. I have very good credentials (ACT 34, 9 AP’s already passed, NMSP semi-finalist) and I can’t wait the moment to get out of this island for good. Getting out has been my life project for the last 3 years or so. My parents always supported me on grade-skipping and think it will be a good idea that I move out, even at age 15. Neither attended college, but are not oblivious to it and have been involved in the process to the extent they can. </p>

<p>My top preferences for college are located on Bay Area or Los Angeles metro. I’m awaiting for early-action in Stanford, and if that doesn’t work out I’ll also apply to UCLA, USC, Caltech, Harvey-Mudd, UC-Boulder and UT-Austin. </p>

<p>As the process unfolds and weeks go by quickly, I’m getting a lot of heat and feeling the pressure of several relatives of our relatively close-knit family against it. Some of them are relentlessly trying to fear-monger my parents into thinking I can’t possibly survive in Los Angeles or South Bay as an unaccompanied 15 year old girl. An aunt, whom I like a lot, has started an almost daily fishing expedition on Google forwarding me news articles about bad things happening to college students in those areas, as if she were trying to make me feel I’d be going to war-torn Afghanistan instead of Los Angeles. Another uncle, who had on his own kindness given $ 4.000 to my college fund (money that helps a lot, but wouldn’t be absolutely essential on my family decision), said me that he should have maybe hold out on the gift until I was “at least 17”. </p>

<p>Starting from two weeks ago, the pastor of the church we all attend is now validating this fear-mongering and trying to shame my parents into guilt for sending me away.</p>

<p>My parents already told me they will fully support me from moving out if that is what I really want, so I’m not fearing they would curtail my plans. However, since all this negative campaign started, I noticed they are trying (too much) to make it clear they are “totally okay” if I decide to postpone college for one year, or if I want to “explore other options” (which is a code-word for go live with one of our extended family members still living in Utah or tag along another relative’s family on their aid work in South America, none of which are attractive prospects to me). Yet, the whole process is transforming me on the ‘rebellious girl’ that is ‘controlling her parents’, while the pressure of them over my parents only increase. Religious family, small community and island social dynamics make a horrible mix and I can almost smell the gossip poison around them all.</p>

<p>I’m a bit lost on how to deal with the whole situation. Is it a good idea to start referring relatives to college website pages geared towards parents? How can I possibly convince other adults that I’m not going to get date-raped, assaulted or forced to smoke marijuana against my will? I tried to show them some crime statistics that prove our archipelago has more, not less crime than the cities I’d live in, adjusted for population, but that just backfired with “if you are looking into crime statistics, then you know you don’t want to go as a minor alone to central Los Angeles”. I’m feeling short of resources to try stop this whole campaign, because I feel it will leave a bitter taste on the family well after I move out, if they don’t relent.</p>

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<p>You’re 14? It sounds like you skipped 3 grades, as the freshmen in our high school are 14. You sound very mature, self-motivated and accomplished for your age but to be honest, and as the parent of a 14 year old girl myself (who is also very mature and accomplished but no way would I send her to college next year), I’d be uneasy about college next year, especially if it’s very far away. Not just about the crime, though that could be an issue seeing as you seem to be from a very small isolated community and presumably don’t have much big-city experience. But more whether you will get the most out of college. I’d also be concerned about how well you will fit in to the social scene. You didn’t mention what it is that you’d like to study, and how sure are you about it? The youngest person I know graduated from college at 17, earned a PhD at 21, and soon thereafter decided to do something completely different. So I’d just think about getting to the right place for you and not necessarily getting somewhere asap.</p>

<p>Have you checked with the schools on your list about their age policies?</p>

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<p>

You do realize that the Stanford EA notification date is around 12/15, and the application deadline for UCLA and UT-Austin precedes that, right?</p>

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<p>UCLA’s app deadline is Nov 30th. UT-Austin’s is soon as well.</p>

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<p>I’m well aware of the deadlines, I meant to write I’ll wait on the regular decision applications to those schools.</p>

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<p>The best way is to refer like-to-like. Find some adults in the church in Palo Alto, LA, and Austin, and try to get a dialog going. Find a home church at the college town to be your conduit, and promise to check in once a quarter with the local pastor or other designated “surrogate” for an hour meeting (if you truly will do it. I think it is a good idea). Allay their fears by finding a proxy that they and you trust to be a liaison. You are young, and a bit of a safety net is not a bad thing. Take away the cliff they fear and replace it with a gentle slope. Let others do the talking. You are not a good source to convince them of anything. Neither are your parents.</p>

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<p>Moving out on your own at the age of 15 is IMO significantly different from moving into college at the same age. College does offer a structure for room and board. On another tack, I do have to ask if you are in-state for CA? If so why is UT on your list (when it will cost $60K/year? Can your parents who are not college graduates pay for that?</p>

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<p>Are there any other options that would get you out of your isolated area and yet give you more support and community before you actually head off to college? I am not thinking clearly tonight, but maybe others can chime in with good gap year ideas.</p>

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<p>Who is paying for college?</p>

<p>Honestly, as the mom of a college sophomore and the mom of a 14 year old daughter, there is no way in in g-d’s green earth I would send my daughter to college in another state without an ever-present, ever-available, surrogate family that I knew and trusted implicitly. </p>

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<p>What about a school like Wellesley-would they be okay with a small women’s college?</p>

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<p>I too would not permit my kids to go away to college at age 15. I say this as a parent w kids in boarding school in another country. It’s not the “going away” at 15 that is troubling-- my kids “went away” to school at an even younger age. It’s being in a college environment w much, much older students, sex, alcohol, drugs, and no supervision that’s the issue. I think it imprudent for 15 yr olds to being living unsupervised around 18-22 yr olds.</p>

<p>Have u considered a post-grad (PG) year in an elite boarding school? You will be doing college-level work around your age peers. These schools are capable of generous financial aid (if money is an issue) The application deadline for these schools is mid-Jan.</p>

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<p>You should try colleges that support young students and have dorm for all 4 years. Don’t discount east coast colleges with guaranteed dorm and easy access to public transportation. UCLA, USC, UT Austin are not convenient because they don’t have enough dorm and require car for transportation. You cannot rent off campus apartments with your age. Stanford, Caltech, Harvey Mudd have dorm for 4 years. Harvard, MIT, Boston College,… have everything for you. Flying to Boston colleges is easier than flying to LA, Austin colleges.</p>

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<p>Boston College may not guarantee 4 year on campus dorm but you will have higher chance than with large public colleges.</p>

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<p>UCLA admitted a 12-year-old transfer student, but they arranged for him to live with his parents in housing normally offered to graduate students. Being 14 or 15 as a frosh on his/her own in college may be somewhat more of a problem at many colleges, particularly if dorm space is not assured as long as you want it.</p>

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<p>Since you would be under 18 and not an adult, you might not be able to dorm because you can’t sign your own consent forms. There was another student here on the forums who wasn’t allowed to live in the dorms because the university couldn’t “guarantee” her safety being around other young adults. Liability is a huge issue.</p>

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<p>Some other non-traditional options:</p>

<p><a href=“http://cegs.org/cegs-for-yegs[/url]”>http://cegs.org/cegs-for-yegs&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p><a href=“http://cegs.org/[/url]”>http://cegs.org/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>MIT is a place for young students:</p>

<p><a href=“http://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/doogie_howser_et_al[/url]”>http://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/doogie_howser_et_al&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Also Harvard and some others:</p>

<p><a href=“Student, 15, on her way to Harvard after being accepted by 13 universities | Daily Mail Online”>http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1384298/Student-15-way-Harvard-accepted-13-universities.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Are you a native English speaker? You write like an international student. Obviously I don’t know if that’s the case in more formal writing. But since you are intending on writing more application essays, you may want to read your drafts aloud. (You may also want to contact the schools in which you have interest to make sure they allow under 16 year-olds in the dorms. Some schools have formal rules that will prohibit living on campus if you are under 16.)</p>

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<p>I agree with your relatives. While you seem very mature and highly intelligent, this alone will not make you ready for college or even for life away from your very small town. There is a huge difference living in a huge city than a small town. I live outside a fairly large city and I rarely venture in. Very hectic. Lifestyle is different than the people 40 minutes away. You have no idea what can and can not happen to you. None of us can predict this. Crimes happens every day.</p>

<p>I would also be concerned how you would get along socially with kids that are mostly 17 and up. Each year of growth from the age of 14 and up is a big deal. I see those changes in my 15 yr old. Every year she amazes me how mature she is getting. But she is no way ready for college life. I would never send her that far away. Never! I think it is crazy to be rushing into college.
You seem more eager to leave your small town than it is about going off to school. I would suggest you at least wait until 16. You need to find a half way point between HS and college. Maybe travel a bit and get to know the world outside of your country.</p>

<p>How are you paying for college? It’s quite expensive.</p>

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<p>“Since you would be under 18 and not an adult, you might not be able to dorm because you can’t sign your own consent forms. There was another student here on the forums who wasn’t allowed to live in the dorms because the university couldn’t “guarantee” her safety being around other young adults. Liability is a huge issue.”</p>

<p>That doesn’t make any sense. In school districts where the cutoff for 1st grade is turning 6 by the end of December, a freshman would be 17 and then turn 18 while at school. 17 yo’s with Sep - Dec birthdays enter college all the time, </p>