I’m not sure if its just me but as a junior in college, I’ve realized that as the years progress, people seem to be forming their own social circles and becoming less and less social with one another with each year. When I came to college, I was happy and fortunate to have had a large social circle thankfully from my dorm hall, classes, clubs, and activities. The key thing is that my main social circle however is becoming more and more divided. A ton of my friends have gone onto getting boyfriends/girlfriends, and thus segregate themselves to have time with their significant others. Others have been busy with schoolwork, off-campus internships and programs, and while I’m admitted busy myself with school, I still try to make time to socialize and go out because of my belief in keeping a good social life and healthy lifestyle.
Apparently most people I know do not see it the way I do and rather stay locked in their dorm rooms, library camping, or alone with their significant others. Majority of the out going social people I know are pretty much the Greek-life people, but I’m admitted not big into the Greek-life scene. As an upperclassmen, are there any ways to meet new people and perhaps form a new social circle to get outgoing again?
Try a different club or organization on campus or get a part-time job and expose yourself to a different group of people.
Also, as you and your peers are getting older and serious about their adult lives, sometimes you actually have to plan and schedule social time. This will is definitely part of a busy adulthood. You have to make and plan for the time to do the things that are important to you.
@NorthernMom61 Thanks, I so agree about the planning/scheduling part of adult life, but what’s been especially difficult is when you feel like your friends just seem to simply never have time or want to become less social by choice. It’s been so many times I’ll message “hey, wanna hang out” or “are you free to grab a meal later” and I end up with responses like “too busy with schoolwork” (which is probably understandable and justified for), but then there’s the “tired and not feeling it,” “busy spending time with bf/gf” or even worse “ignored,” which seems to be becoming more common with each year.
That is hard @happyramen, not sure what else to suggest except trying a new activity or job to open up the chance to meet some new friends. Volunteer organizations or church might be other options. Unfortunately, our very mobile society has left a lot of people in constantly transient relationships. That can definitely leave people feeling lonely. You just have to keep reaching out and trying.
To be honest, when I was busiest as an undergrad, if someone asked me if I wanted to hang out that day or even that week, I would have said I was busy most of the time too. It doesn’t mean I didn’t want to spend time with my friends or that I didn’t value having a social life–I was just busy. I would schedule out things weeks in advance or we’d have to be flexible to do something only on the off chance that we were both free or we’d have to make time if it was something I really wanted to do.
Have you tried planning out something a little more definitive than just hanging out with a friend or a couple of friends? Maybe something like seeing a new movie that you and your friends want to see when it comes out? Or see if people want to go to a concert in your area? Or do something like paint balling or horseback riding or rock climbing or camping or hiking? Ask if they have a day or weekend when they are free to do something you know you would both enjoy and try to nail down a plan, even if it’s a while until it happens. If you can get people interested in something, it can be a way to rekindle your friendships and catch up with them while still doing something fun.
How are things going with your clubs and activities? Are they large enough that you can meet other people in those clubs to make new friends? If you’re not having any luck in those clubs, have you tried joining new ones, particularly ones that plan social or service events for their members? Have you tried getting leadership or committee positions in clubs you are on, perhaps so you can spend more time with other people in the club?
Do you have a job? I met a lot of people at work, and they were all people that I might never been friends with otherwise. We spent a lot of time together when we shared shifts and would do things like take breaks together and grab something to eat after work. And then we started doing things together outside of work. If you can get a job where you will work with other students, it can be a great way to meet new people.
@baktrax I really liked your ideas, my leadership/committee in some of my clubs and my job are actually in fact where most of the people I now socialize with are at. The thing is though my work is only twice a week, and my club committee meets only about once a week. It’s been difficult because outside of the committee even in most of my clubs, a lot of the people I was close with especially in my year either quit or became significantly less active in order to again focus on school or do other stuff, and most of the freshman/underclassmen are now taking over but prefer to hang around their own year.
Perhaps its because as an underclassmen I was hanging out, doing work with, studying, eating, and going out with people literally almost everyday and to now suddenly adjust to only doing it once or twice a week is part of the feel. It’s been difficult cause most of my best friends are currently either studying abroad, have moved off campus (and so now cook their own meals alone in their house as oppose to eating cafeteria food), or again are always off-campus with jobs, internships, or library camping with work. The dining halls have so many less familiar faces now. I liked your suggestions and I think I’ll maybe try a new club/activity or simply wait for my abroad friends to return back, but I’d love any further input/advice/suggestions, thanks!
This is similar to what was said above. I know my daughters, who have very full schedules, respond “no” when people ask if they want to hang out – they’re nice about it, but the way they’ve explained it to me is that if they’re just going to veg, they can do it at home in sweats and with their feet up, and they’ll probably end up studying anyway. If friends ask them to do a specific thing, even if it’s just to go to the mall or something like that, they will almost always say yes if they can. I’m not saying this is good, or right, but this is how they feel.
My recommendation would be rather than asking if people want to hang out, I’d ask if people want to take a walk somewhere, or do something. This also helps because you can meet people somewhere for a purpose and people will feel less guilty about not studying, less as if time was “wasted” just hanging out. I think you’ll get a higher ‘yes’ return rate.