<p>Don’t do anything hasty - the exact same thing happened to me right after grad school. Dating since freshman year, engaged right before I finished grad school, he got cold feet a few weeks later. It took 3 months to patch things up, and another 6 to get re-engaged, but we’ll be celebrating our 25th anniversary next summer.</p>
<p>^ Yours sounds like a Prince William/Kate Middleton scenario. She went out and had a good time in public when he had cold feet.</p>
<p>Yes, actually, I did have a pretty good time as I recall!!</p>
<p>So sorry, OP. Hard to do, but give it time and let them figure it out. Jsut be there for her.</p>
<p>Go visit, listen, support. Let them work it out or not.</p>
<p>I’m sorry this is happening.</p>
<p>Well, at least it didn’t happen after they got married.</p>
<p>Lots of comment about the “whys” and “what-fors” about the guy’s behavior. At this point, I direct you back to the advice given by poster #2. Frankly you don’t know what’s happened and to speculate and pre-judge won’t be constructive. Support and listen and make mental notes. Don’t judge, jump on any bandwagon and speak badly (even if DD rants).</p>
<p>Look at poster #21’s example. </p>
<p>My own father in law, just graduating Med School, called off his engagement —hall rented, gown purchased – fiance left with a broken heart. Cold feet as well. Moved to start residency. Had a change of heart, went back crawling, mended her broken heart. 46 years later, he’s one of the most devoted husbands I’ve ever seen in my life. If I can only be half the man he’s been to my mother in law, I would count myself blessed.</p>
<p>It’s just too early to tell which side things will settle. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst – but just don’t pre-judge. No good can come of that.</p>
<p>Personally, I was nearly engaged several times in my life but each time the relationship fizzled instead of getting to the altar. It was actually the best thing in all of those cases because I ended up with a fabulous husband & we have just celebrated our silver wedding anniversary.</p>
<p>I am very glad my loved ones just offered unconditional love and support. NONE of them ever said anything bad about him or me or us as a couple. I have maintained good friendships with all the exes as well as loved ones and have a richer world for it. </p>
<p>Time and space heals wounds. Love and support with NO judgments are all that is needed at this point.</p>
<p>Just writing this post helped me a lot and I greatly appreciate all the advice given. We had a very long day yesterday going to visit her. She, unfortunately, does not know anyone in the town, so it is going to be a tough road for her. On top of that, she is very reserved, so the hardest thing for her will be reaching out to people. She works with a group of men so there are no females that she can reach out to. Fortunately, his parents came up for the weekend as well and were a tremendous support to her. He refused to talk to them as well. So, between them and us, she had a lot of pampering. Thanks again.</p>
<p>Skype and her cell phone can be great tools for venting. Journaling can also be helpful and cathartic. She can shred and toss the written documents after she’s done or delete or do whatever she wants.</p>
<p>Exercise and activity can also be great healers. Being in a new environment offers tremendous opportunities for her to get out & spend SOME time with her new co-workers, even if she’s just going through the motions while she’s in pain. Glad you & BF’s parents were able to spend some pampering time with your D. She’s lucky to be loved by so many nice, supportive folks. :)</p>
<p>Don’t you just hate when something like this comes out of the blue, you didn’t see it coming, and it rocks your world? Even tho you must be livid with your daughter’s bf, is another part of you missing him? I just wondered because last year my teenage son was dumped by a girlfriend whom he’d been seeing over a year. She done him wrong, and we had to help him thru the breakup, but part of me still missed her upbeat, quirky personality. </p>
<p>It’s hard to watch your kids experience the emotional upheavals in life.</p>
<p>One other suggestion I would make is to do something that I actually did many years ago when this happened to me. </p>
<p>I was living with my fiance, a man I had dated 4 years. One day I happened to come home a little earlier than expected, only to find a u-haul parked in the driveway of our rented cottage. He had accepted a position in another state (newly graduated from law school) and was moving WITHOUT TELLING ME and, incidentally, breaking our engagement. The wedding was 3 months away.</p>
<p>I was devastated. This was, for me, like a bolt from the blue. No warning.</p>
<p>My mother came over immediately and watched me fall apart. Then she gently suggested maybe I could use the help of a therapist to get through it. This came from a woman who’d never been to therapy and frankly, neither had I. Although I had friends to talk to, it turned out to be the best decision of all. I made a commitment to myself that I would not allow this cowardly act–by someone who left me so callously–damage me for long. The therapist really opened my eyes to the signs I’d been missing in the relationship in a pragmatic way, and helped me heal months faster (if not years) than I would have otherwise.</p>
<p>Particularly since your daughter is living in a new area without much of a social network, this kind of support could be invaluable. Paying for such therapy, if you can afford it, would be a wonderful gift. In the meantime, as many visits as you can muster and some TLC would be so appreciated. I’ll never forget how my normally rose-colored glasses mom helped me during a painful (but thankfully short!) time.</p>
<p>Best of luck to your D…she WILL get through it. And if it was meant to be, they’ll resolve it. But if not, better things are in store for her. Two years later, I met and married a wonderful man. We celebrated our 30th anniversary this year.</p>
<p>A broken engagement is easier to go through than a divorce. Sorry for your daughter. Hope she gets through this, and stronger than before it happened. It’s going to take time.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I agree. Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter “why” he wants out. The fact is that he doesn’t want to marry her-the “why” is irrelevant. Best wishes for her healing and well being. I’m sure this is a very painful time for her.</p>
<p>there are a lot of messed up people…</p>
<p>I was dating this girl for 3.5 years. Went to her sister’s (20, pregnant, not finishing college) wedding in June, and this drunk lady came up and started yelling and cursing at me for literally no reason, and after I yelled back, said I should get a beer dumped on me, left the table, came back with the beer, dumped it on me from behind. GF was sitting at the table the whole time.</p>
<p>I stood up and pushed the beer away (while it is still being dumped on me), drunken mob of wedding guests (general societal riffraff, lead by best man who toasted “If I hadn’t met the groom, I would probably be in jail”) start following me and shouting at me that I had “hit a female.” I had to call the police. They came, and had to later keep the drunken mob from attacking me for a 2nd time.</p>
<p>GF never came to see if I was okay after I had to call the police because my physical safety was threatened. She deleted her relationship status off of facebook the next day without talking to me. I told her I wanted to apologize for yelling at drunken lady; GF just ignores me. I make angry facebook status, GF writes email that she “needs more time.” Hasn’t spoken to me since and still hasn’t actually told me that she ended the relationship, or why she chose to do so.</p>
<p>whisky tango foxtrot.</p>
<p>^ You may want to count your blessings.</p>