Unclear to me that Penn will remain $4k /year for all four years, considering inflation, parent support….
How would this student budget for eight years, med school at $100k/year??
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Not OP, obviously, but at many private schools, guidance counselors require students to submit an approved list of colleges to apply to that are determined with the counselor’s consultation. The counselor then meets with the parents separately and discusses the list with them. These applications are completed during a guidance class in school without direct parental involvement.
I attended a high school like this. S24’s high school requires parents to take a lead in assisting students in completing applications and selecting schools to apply to although the college counselor does approve the list before they are submitted and follows up with the student during the admissions process. hth
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This resource is from another CC thread.
Historically, UCLA sent more to grad school in life sciences than UPenn did.
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The money part of this cannot be ignored and cannot be wished away. A roundtrip plane ticket from Los Angeles to Philadelphia is $250-$350 on a random date several months away. If both your parents visit and stay two nights in a hotel, that could easily be a $1000 trip for three days.
If it were an emergency and your parents had to fly out with short notice, one round trip ticket costs $600-$700 today. If both your parents flew out in an emergency that could be $1400 not including a hotel charge. For many families, coming up with almost $2000 (including hotel and eating out for a few days) on short notice is simply an impossible situation.
Even if your parents cut out small things they enjoy and save the money to be able to visit you once a year and to fly you home for winter break, is that the sort of demand you want to ask of them?
You should have a frank discussion with your parents about finances. It might be that they could afford the expense but do not want you to go away because emotionally they would miss you and worry about you. Or it could be that it would be a financial hardship that they might not be able to overcome. Have a calm honest discussion and try to figure it out.
If it’s truly a financial issue, I side 100% with your family. The finances are what they are. You can’t wish them away. It’s why 97% of the world does not drive luxury cars or take international vacations. And it’s why 99% of college students do not attend college 4000 miles away from their home. You’re growing up and becoming an adult. Part of being an adult is realizing fiscal limitations and making life decisions accordingly.
I understand the disappointment. The great news is UCLA is a great school. Best of luck to you!
EDIT: My son attends college 8 hours away. Last year he broke his nose playing basketball at the rec center. That’s not the worst medical emergency, but I wanted to be there for him. I dropped everything and drove to see him. If that happened to you, it would cost your parents $2000 to be there for you. OUCH!
EDIT: Before high school graduation, I spent a summer at MIT and loved it. When I graduated, I was accepted to MIT but did not attend because of financial reasons. I attended a very respected in-state school. This won’t be the end of the world for you.
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Dear OP, I will tell you a story.
I met my first husband in college. He was an international student. He had applied to the US university (extremely selective; think HYPSM) with his parents’ knowledge, but his parents thought he had no chance of admission. They assumed he would be going to school in their home country, and in fact in their home city, where there was a great university.
He was admitted to the US university and received full financial aid (parents were low income). He insisted that he would attend, against his parents’ wishes. His parents were really upset, even though it was clearly a top school for what he wanted to study. They grudgingly allowed him to go, but continued to be worried and upset. It was stress and strain for them all along. Then, horrors! At college, he met and fell in love with an American girl, and decided he wanted to stay in the US… so very far away from them.
To make a long story short, the parents never stopped being upset, this ended up being increasingly difficult for my husband too, and none of this worked out very well in the end 
Of course this is not exactly the same situation… but given my experience, I just don’t believe it’s the best idea to forcefully overrule your parents’ objections to a faraway college. I don’t think it’s the best way to set out in life!
I would suggest that you really try to understand and talk to your parents, until you can all be in agreement about the best next step for your future. Maybe they’ll start to see things your way and be able to happily send you off to UPenn. Or maybe you’ll all decide together that UCLA is a better choice. Whether your next step turns out to be UCLA or UPenn, I would try to get to a place of agreement with your family, before you attend.
I really like @blossom’s advice about finding a neutral party that your parents trust to help with the conversation, too.
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UPenn is an Ivy (Do the parents know that? Some parents are impressed by that.) If UPenn is half the price of UCLA, that may pay for airfare. If you have financial aid there may be financial help for travel as well.
That said, UCLA is a great school.
It is hard for parents when kids go far away for undergrad. Not sure if you are an only child or if there is any reason to worry.
Maybe have your guidance counselor talk to them. But first decide yourself which school you want! Think about location, vibe and the resources you mention. Cost seems better at UPenn but the difference isn’t large.
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You have a similar situation as my daughter. UC San Diego was the dream school, then she got into Berkeley and she is soooo excited. She is not sure where yet, but my wife and I both know it is Berkeley in her heart.
Just know, as a parent, we are very stressed for our children and only want them to be happy, healthy, and successful.
Keep talking to your parents. It is taking me time listening to my daughter, I am slowly getting on the UC Berkeley hype train. All weekend I have played devil’s advocate. Now, I just have to believe in my daughter and support her. Keep chipping away with your parents.
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As a daughter of immigrant parents, I didn’t understand the magnitude of the stress my parents were under raising me until I had children of my own. UCLA is a great school. I’m on the east coast, and my friend from high school got to go there. I wanted badly to go Berkeley myself, but I stayed on the east coast. If you are able to do Penn State without much help from your parents, and they dont need you nearby, then you could try to go. But if you need their help, you may have to take their concerns into consideration. Sometimes, we’re limited by our circumstances, but it can lead to a lot of great opportunities.
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@DcMdVaMom it is University of Pennsylvania, not Penn State.
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You can cover the 4k at penn and your airfare with a summer job, and a part time job right now. Your parents are likely very low income to qualify for so much aid. If you really want it, just go to Penn. You can get a small job there.
Penn has so much for premeds. The Wistar Institute for research, HUP and CHOP are all right on campus. Seems a pity to not take that deal.
Once you are there, they will surely come around. They will sign the Fafsa for next year, i am sure. Just tell them that Penn ismuch better for premeds, and take it.
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A very common mixup 
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I don’t know - it’s hard to tell someone to defy their parents.
I’ve read so many stories about kids/siblings/parents not talking for 30, 40 years.
Going to a college is not worth that - not to mention that once you step on campus, what if you are not happy there. Not everyone is happy, even at the dream school and you have to be somewhere for four years, day after day.
I’m not saying Penn is not the better option but I would be uncomfortable telling someone to openly defy their parents.
We don’t know the family - and there can be risk/strain that would not be worth it.
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An intermediary might work. Besides the prestige, I think parents who didn’t attend college fully understand the benefits of a small, elite university with extensive resources and support. UCLA is great but it’s a large, public school. It’s easy to become just another number.
Normally I’m in the you don’t have to go far away camp but in this case I’m rooting for Penn. Good luck.
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Penn will have vastly more resources - it is not a state university, which depends on public funding. They have an endowment worth 21 Billion (with a B) for 24,000 students- that means top of the line labs, the best researchers, personal advisers, etc etc. As well as well-appointed dedicated offices for FGLI students, mental health, anything you might need
(For perspective, UCLA has 45,000 students and roughly 5 billion which is a lot but nowhere near UPenn’s ratio. Not a dig at UCLA because they’re doing very well but it gives you an idea that they’re not in the same universe resource-wise).
An example: if you find an unpaid, medical internship in an expensive city, they will give you a stipend and pay for your rent, because they know that makes a difference down the road and you couldn’t afford it otherwise. I’m sure UCLA would like to do thr same but they just can’t afford to.
Your parents will save 4k every year: they can keep the money in case they need or want to visit you. Flights Philly to LA are very easy to arrange.
For FGLI students, attending a university like Penn is life changing: a study showed that lower income, first gen students are the ones who benefit MOST from attending these universities - career center, alumni network, peers, opportunities, it’s one of these “if you know, you know” situations where those who would most benefit from all this can’t fathom it.
Would it matter to your parents that it’s one of the Ivy League universities, like Harvard, Princeton, or Yale?
It’s also an incredible honor that your GC decided you could be admitted, when clearly no one else did. He or she saw something in you. Talk to him/her to let out your feelings and plan to organize a meeting to reassure your parents, but not right now. Don’t bring it up with them, let it sit. Such news would need to percolate a bit. And use that time to prepare allies and a strategy.
So, perhaps, have a 2-pronged strategy
- talk with a respected religious leader and explain the situation, gain their support. Most religious leaders understand parents’ desire to keep their children close but also know that parents ultimately don’t want to curtail their children’s opportunities. Plan a 1st meeting with that respected leader.
- then, have them meet with your GC
In the meantime:
- make sure you stay on the straight and narrow
- keep researching Penn and ALL its resources&opportunities
- reach out to the leader representing your faith as well as the student group, as well as to the FGLI office. Explain your parents’ hesitations, ask your questions.
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Everyone should keep in mind that the parents may not actually have $8000 to toss around. If they’re receiving low COA estimates from UCLA/Penn, it’s likely because the family’s income is very low. The parents may be including/misunderstanding Pell Grant and DSL monies as most/part of that $8000 estimate. Or they may be including estimated income from taking on a 2nd job to pay for their child’s education.
Also, the $4000 savings UPenn offers is misleading. I discussed above how much it costs to travel back and forth from LA to Philly. Even if the parents visit the student once a year and pay only to fly the student back and fourth for two round trips (August, start of winter break, end of winter break, May) that could add up to $4000 alone. Add in one emergency trip and the math will not add up.
Lastly, the student can presumably attend UCLA without having to work. While many students do work and keep up their grades, other students’ grades suffer from being forced to work. And low income students living across the country may find themselves taking on extra work because they need more money. This student will risk scholarly and social activities by working while enrolled at UPenn. At UCLA the student will have more time for studies and social activities.
Quality of life (for the student and the parents) is a very important consideration.
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I am wondering how much the parents know about University of Pennsylvania, since it might sound like a state university to them-?. It has already been confused with Penn State no doubt unintentionally 
UPenn is a very selective, well-endowed, Ivy League school.
I think the student needs do decide first how comfortable they are going from West to East coast, in terms of distance, weather, and culture. If UPenn is still a dream school (and the cost difference, as I wrote before, will pay for airfare) the guidance counselor might be of help with parents.
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In addition to not knowing everything about the financial aid packages, we also don’t know everything about the parents’ concerns, whether this student has particular needs, or currently gets extra support at home that may require extra work to duplicate in a new place.
Hopefully with help from the GC and/or other trusted third parties, the family and student can figure out together what’s best.
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You’re correct, to them they think it’s a state university (although I’ve told them it’s a private school) because of its name. My parents think Penn’s prestige is on par with UCLA and they’re clueless about what an Ivy league is and its significance. They’re not very knowledgeable about this stuff (except some of the UCs because some of their friends sent their kids to attend at the UCs). That’s why my counselor was the one helping me with my college list and recommended me a few out of state schools (including Penn).
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Does your FA package include money for transportation (the Ivy League typically includes transportation and books in their package)?
Would you have to take on the federal loans to pay for Penn and/or UCLA?
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Honestly, for a pre-med track I’m not sure what exactly is the case for UPenn ahead of UCLA given the parental concerns. I generally want students to go where they really want to be BUT one thing I’ve learnt is that students don’t always know what they want and that their thinking evolves pretty quickly once they decide to look beyond their dream school. On this one, I feel like the student needs to make a better case for UPenn to their parents.UCLA has a pretty amazing academic hospital and it’s not clear to me what is incrementally better about Penn advising.
To the OP, you have a great option in UCLA - a school you were on the verge of committing. Think hard and don’t be swayed by the views of your GC who admittedly is biased towards UPenn.
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