To give a little background: My parents are immigrant parents who mainly have family in California and I’ll be the first to attend college. A while ago, I was accepted to UCLA which was a school I wanted to attend for so long and was set on committing. However, I had recently been accepted to UPenn which was my dream school and was ecstatic on being accepted as I didn’t think I would’ve been accepted. I told my parents this and they’ve very disappointed at the thought of me going oos, they don’t know anything about Penn and wondered why I was even thinking of choosing Penn over UCLA. Now, they’ve completely barred me from attending and I can’t even visit the campus because we can’t afford to fly to Pennsylvania. It’s not even because of financial reasons either, UPenn is estimated to be much cheaper than if I were to attend UCLA (about 4k vs 8k per year).
They told me they would pay for my UCLA cost of attendance (despite telling me all of these years they couldn’t afford to pay) because I told them UPenn would put me less in debt… I don’t even know if I should believe them because the last thing I want is to not have financial support in the middle of my attendance. They reasoned that they cant visit me at all because of the costs to fly to Pennsylvania and if I get injured or sick they can’t visit me. They also reasoned the adjustment from west to east cost will be a harsh change on me. As an aspiring biology major on the pre-med track with hopes of attending grad school, I believe UPenn would be the school of best fit for my interests between the two (not to say UCLA isn’t an amazing option either and I would be more than delighted to attend UCLA!), I just hate that my parents seem to be deciding my future plans…I seriously need advice on this and any advice would be great! Thank you!!
Why did they let you apply to Penn (including providing financial information for the financial aid application) and then change their mind after you got admitted with a lower net price?
Sounds like a tough situation. It can sometimes be really hard for parents to adjust to the idea of their children going far away from home. Parents can also become worried at this stage when they are considering all the practical details (such as how much it will cost to travel and visit, especially in emergencies, as you mentioned).
Did they know you were applying to UPenn? Were they ok with that at the time?
Who do they trust (siblings, religious figure, boss, your guidance counselor, cousin) who understands how college works in the US that you can discuss this with?
I don’t think it’s a tragedy if you end up at UCLA, nor will I dismiss their concerns about being able to get to you in an emergency. But I don’t think YOU will be able to persuade them… I think you need a neutral party who they agree is a credible voice.
personally I think parents have a right to be part of these decisons, unless their decisions are egregious and destructive, which is far from the case here.
how is Penn your dream school if you haven’t visited?
So they are not wrong about how travel costs can add up fast. Then again, basically a $4K/year budget and some careful planning should cover that issue.
Otherwise, I agree you need to figure out who would be a credible voice to talk to them about why Penn is a great school and could reasonably be a better choice for you as an individual.
As a final thought, what do you think would happen if you just decided to go to Penn and pay for it yourself? I am not saying you definitely should do this, but I think it would be useful for you, and by extension your parents, to know if this option exists, and if so what it would mean for you.
For any parents of current high school juniors, let stories like this be an advisory to put up any parental restrictions on the student’s college choice up front before the student applies to colleges, in order to avoid setting up the student for a letdown when the student gets admitted to their first choice that appeared parent-acceptable at application time but gets denied by the parents after admission.
They didn’t think I was going to get in ( for all of the 5 out of state schools I applied to) and for the most part I was alone during the college application process (besides my counselor helping me to narrow my college application list). For the financial aid stuff, I was the one who had to fill and submit most of the sections and interpreted the fafsa section to my dad on the parent portion.
They knew but didn’t stop me because they didn’t think I took my intentions to submit applications to oos schools seriously + didn’t think I was getting in.
I’ve thought of that but as a first gen student it’s a big risk to go to a big (and unfamiliar) city like Pennsylvania without any support from my parents as I navigate through college but there’s that independence aspect to it that I’ll have to get used to it either way.
You should count your blessings that you have been admitted at, and are able to attend, UCLA; there are literally tens of thousands of applicants who would love to be able to take your place.
You have an amazing opportunity to study at a great public university and graduate without debt. Take this opportunity, don’t complain, and move forward with your life.
UPenn is a 16 minute direct bus ride from PHL airport, which is a major airport (and a hub for American Airlines), so it is not a difficult trip from major metros in California, but it is a long one, and likely more expensive than driving to UCLA.
A long trip from CA and not necessarily a nonstop flight, depending on where the student lives and what flights are available (and their prices). Parents in the thread also brought up unexpected travel needs on short school breaks.
I researched Penn over the summer and loved the pre-med advising they offered + abundance of research opportunities for my major + nearby university hospital that I could volunteer in (like I currently am right now). Also, my counselor is a UPenn alumni and told me how great her experience at Penn was. I also labeled it my dream school because it would’ve been a dream for me to be accepted.
For what it’s worth, Philadelphia is really easy to city to fly in and out of and you can get really reasonably priced direct flights from the Los Angeles area. Penn is not very far from the airport. My daughter navigated to that area by herself last summer quite easily